Thread: husbands who want to cheat

well, this is the first time i do something like this, but i feel like i cant talk to anyone, so here it goes and please comment and give me advice. I have been with my husband for five years and married for a year and a half. He openely admitted that he has craving to be with another girl sexualy. I think i'm taking it really good, and i love him so much that i want us to be friends forever, if we cant be a couple. I dont think he has cheated yet, but i believe he will, I'm a very good wife, i work and go home and cook and i take care of him in whatever way. But here is the thing i dont want to be cheated on,so i want to leave the relationship now before he cheats. I love him so much but hes only human and if he want to be with other girls, so be it, but i'm not going to wait until he cheats to leave. i want to leave him so he can do what he wants and for me to move on and make a life without him. When we were dating we split for a while and i feel if he wanted to do him he should of done it then, not now that were married. Dont get me wrong i would love to be with him for the rest of my life, but i feel like its not going to happen so why not get out now that we dont have any kids. I want to do good for me for once. i'm a faithful women who is good to him, so why should i get jerked? I'm really thinking about leaving him.......

Well first off let me say that I will give him "kudos" for being honest with you. Not many men (or women) that are that honest and will tell their partners such.

I'm going to assume that you have discussed it to a point that you know it's not just a passing fantasy of his. So, if it were me, I think I'd be thinking the same as you and probably leave.

Has he said why? I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, just trying to get a handle on where it might be comming from.

Does he feel something is missing (in bed or out)? Did he have experiences before you - if not maybe it is "curiosity"? It it some particular "girl", or just someone else .

Depending on what is driving this, there might be something you can do - but there might not.

When you get married you are giving up the right to sleep with other people (unless both agreed beforehand - and that is rare, and probably not a good idea).

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Has he said why? I'm not trying to excuse his behavior, just trying to get a handle on where it might be comming from.

Does he feel something is missing (in bed or out)? Did he have experiences before you - if not maybe it is "curiosity"? It it some particular "girl", or just someone else .

Depending on what is driving this, there might be something you can do - but there might not.

When you get married you are giving up the right to sleep with other people (unless both agreed beforehand - and that is rare, and probably not a good idea).

Rcoreyus is right.

I replied quickly without giving thought to possible reasons that may have workable solutions.

Find out they "why"s first if you haven't already, then make your decision.

If you feel that he is going to cheat no matter what, then you should leave.

If he was honest with you though, it's because he probably wants to figure things out and make it work. Did he say why he wanted to cheat? Was it because he is sexually attracted to another woman? Or is this simply because of sexual boredom and he wants something 'new'?

If it's just because of physical boredom, as last resort, maybe you can attempt role-playing? He can feel he is with other women yet he won't be cheating and you could both have fun. I have a whole closet filled with home-made costumes.

Whatever you decide to to do, we are always here for you and you can come and rant and talk and vent all you want.

Best of luck.

Thank you everyone for your advice. He told me that he never really had the apportunity to sleep with alot of girls before he meet me, and he always wanted to be faithful, hes only 24 so he sees himself as still young and wants to have fun. I wish he would of told me this before we got married. I ask him if its the sex with me if we can do anything to change that and he says it has nothing to do with me he just wants to explore. Now im here so inlove with my husband and he wants to do this. I know i'm a good person and dont deserve this, but thats life and i think i have to be a very strong women and leave in good terms, i dont want to always think in the back of my head that if he ever hangs out with a friend or stays late at work, if its true or not. I believe in our vows, he must not.

You're strong, and I admire you.

You asked him if he wanted different sex with you - but maybe he was thinking of specific acts, not attitudes.

Maybe, he could "explore" with you - role-playing, or something less specific. You could behave differently in bed on different nights - let him discover what it is like to be with a shy girl he needs to seduce, or a sex-crazed vixen who rips his pants off when he comes home from work. Some slow passionate evenings - some wild ones.

Now this might not work (probably won't). But is is possible the two of you have fallen into a sort of rut, and he feels he isn't getting enough variety.

I think if he finds sex outside of marriage it will be a disapointment to him, but then it will be too late.

I am very sorry for your situation - he should have thought of this BEFORE he married you.

I was in this management training class for my company last week and the trainer kept talking about setting "specific expectations". This principle doesn't just apply to work - it applies everywhere. If I were you I would set the expectation that while you appreciate his honesty, if he decides to be with another woman he will lose his wife. Be specific as to what you consider cheating (does it mean physical interaction, just talking to another woman, kissing, etc?) and make sure he understands.

Getting to the root of why he wants this is another thing - if he can be honest enough to tell you he wants to be with someone else, surely he can tell you why.

Good luck.

I'm in kind of a similar position as him. I started dating my wife when I was 17 (yeah, highschool sweethearts ), and I'm now 36 so we've been together for almost 20 years. She's the only woman I've ever had sex with. I've had some issues with insecurity due to her cheating on me in the distant past and I've often wondered if I'd even be able to please another woman. But I know for a fact that I'd never cheat even though I've thought about it because I take my word and my vows very seriously. But through everything I've learned one major thing - talk.

Talk to him and see if you can figure out exactly what's driving this feeling of his. If it's something that can be worked out like role-playing then it's worth it to try and save your marriage. If it's a foregone conclusion that he's going to cheat sooner or later, then you should leave as I know that pain. And it's a pain worse than any physical pain you can imagine, and it not only affects your relationship, it can affect future relationships too.

Good luck.