Thread: Is it right to leave if youre not sexually compatible?

It has always been a wonder of mine....is it a shallow thing to do; to end things with a partner because theyre just not at your "sexual level"?

So, you love someone, youre completely comfortable with them, you trust them beyond your wildest dreams, they make you happy, you can see yourself having a future with them......yet they do not match you sexually....

What would you do?

Obviously, youve tried your dang hardest (a year ) to spice things up, no prevail.

Do you run? (me )

Or do you just stick around, happy...but not delirious?

Has anyone settled for Mr Safe / Trustworthy but not Mr Sexual / Fireball and theyre incredibly happy?

Can you have both? Are these men rare?

Anyone been in a similar situation? Cant decide whether they should settle with Mr Safe but be completely unhappy sexually? Men...vica versa, have you been torn between a fabulous, caring woman, but she just doesnt hit the spot sexually?

You cannot change someone's libido...What you see is what you will get...If anything, it will decrease with age.

I had two other proposals in life. One from a pre-med student and one a Russian Interpreter..Joe the Interpreter was hot and my husband never knew it but while he was in the Navy, he could have been a close second..But neither could measure up to my sailor...I married him...

For me it was the hot sexual feelings for him...We were both in heat constantly for each other....And honey we still are...More than we have ever been.....So you know my answer....

Much luck, Caroline

I do have to add that I adored him as I still do ...He was the cutest and neatest guy I had ever met...He was a hot jock with all the best moves in town...He treated me with respect until he stood me up....The only guy who ever did this and still I wanted him....I would have changed my religion for him....We were just plain twins......

When you marry or partner up with someone have the hottest feelings that you can ever have for him...You need this to make it work....Then at least once a week or so refresh those feelings...But honey, it must make you want to cry when he touches you....To this day he still turns me to mush and will until the day I die.....xox C

Tough question miffed but a great one.

If your both virgins when you marry you have that opportunity to grow into each other sexually. You get the chance (hopefully) to explore areas of sex and sexually compatability. No offense to the married virgins out there but how would we know any different without the expereinces of other encounters with other lovers. My experiences tell me that new is not neccesarily better, just different. I think all relationships develope sexually as we grow together but what to do if it just doesn't wow you? On the other hand, a FB can be incredible sex but there is just no emotional attachment.

I don't think we should compare our partners but lets face it. There are times when we think "oh, i miss that" or "didn't like it when he did..." or "that's amazing, why didn't ___ know about it..."

I personally think sex is very important in a relationship. No, not a deal breaker but pretty close. I don't think love=sex but I do think love enhances sex however does not make great sex. So so sex with a great guy might be incintive to stay but outright suck in the sack with a great guy... I think I would be tempted to move on. There are things we can do ourselves to balance a so so lover. It would be difficult to fill in the gaps with a suck in the sack partner. Physical satisfacion reflects outwardly in so many more areas of our lives than we normally stop to think about. I know for me personally, I sleep better, I wake happier, I smile more, I am nicer, able to relax easier, am calmer and more in tune with my surroundings and whats going on. When I am not getting it (fortunately for me I have a great lover) I am cranky, snappy, short tempered and distracted. I am not a nice person to be around. When I am satisfied, people like the person I am. Yes, sex is that important. Desire for your partner should reflect in many more areas of your life than just in the bedroom but if its not there it will eventually be an issue.

Is it right? Well that's a murky question really. When you walk past a beggar and don't give them $100, probably what you have done isn't right. Everyone has to look out for themselves, to a certain extent. One must make sure one's own needs are met, and secure one's own happiness. To do this, you have to understand yourself, and understand your own needs. If you are a sexual creature, you must take steps to fulfill that drive. Somebody elses temporary happiness can't really deprive you of one of the things that you require from life to be happy.

I think people who stay in sexless frustrated relationships are weak... I did it for six months myself, so don't be offended if you fall into that category. They fear being alone, and they don't want to cause someone else unhappiness, so things just float by, without ever being the way that they should be, for both parties.

My ex totally loves me, and we have fun together, but to be honest, it isn't a physically gratifying relationship, so for both of our sakes it's best to move on.