More about masturbation habits

**SorridLives** · 06-16-2008 10:20 AM

Warning: If you are tired of the masturbation topic, read no further!

I have written in the past about having problems dealing with my husband's masturbation when I am out of the house and the frequency with which I noticed he did this...although we still had a great sex life, having sex almost everyday. I sort of snooped around (a lot) and knew he was doing it almost every day I was away longer than an hour and a half. I felt I needed input and to figure it out, so to speak. I tried to deal and move on. Luckily, he started working and being out of the house himself more...so his masturbation (with porn) cut back the last couple of months.
Problem is....I think he misses it! argh! He seems to be looking for excuses for time alone to do it. The other day we had sex early in the a.m., and he was looking at porn a few hours later when I was gone because I was out of the house and he probably thought I wouldn't suspect! I wish I was just imagining things, but I am not. He wants to have alone time to masturbate. Why does he miss it so much? I still find it weird and unsettling.

**Devo** · 06-16-2008 03:22 PM

Walk in on him intentionally. Don't act startled, turn off the lights, or leave them on, and do your thing.

This is typically the case of a lack of foreplay. Women will express that they want foreplay in a sheltered way (close off after sex, reluctant to even start etc.). Men will masturbate.

There is something about the difference in touching with the hand and mouth, compared to just having sex that makes people go crazy.
Don't bother talking to him about this, he won't open up about it and will likely just get offended. If he wants to talk about this, he will openly talk to you about it. But mix up your sex life, that should work.

**SorridLives** · 06-16-2008 04:17 PM

Originally Posted by Devo

Walk in on him intentionally. Don't act startled, turn off the lights, or leave them on, and do your thing.

This is typically the case of a lack of foreplay. Women will express that they want foreplay in a sheltered way (close off after sex, reluctant to even start etc.). Men will masturbate.

There is something about the difference in touching with the hand and mouth, compared to just having sex that makes people go crazy.
Don't bother talking to him about this, he won't open up about it and will likely just get offended. If he wants to talk about this, he will openly talk to you about it. But mix up your sex life, that should work.

Thanks for answering because I really can use some more input and help on this. I can't figure this man out.
I guess you are saying you think he wants more foreplay. I try to give him plenty. I often give him oral (with some hand action too) for 5-10 mons. before intercourse. I have also tried to get him to masturbate in front of me- have mutual masturbation sessions. He did do that with me a couple times, but he states he prefers intercourse. ??? I don't know what to think.....
My best guess is he just likes something "different" and to fantasize alone sometimes. It just hurts sometimes thinking how he seems to like it so much and may miss it. I don't think I'd mind as much if I knew he enjoyed sex with me more. Sometimes, I have my moments when I am just not sure....

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-16-2008 04:38 PM

I think if you have sex everyday, and he masterbates as well, your one lucky lady...

Think of it this way, he's watching porn, masterbates and you feel flirty and he says no... Now that would be hard to stomach.

I understand you try to add that mouth and hand touch into the situation, and then you probably feel horrid, that he states that he prefers the intercourse, as that's actually something he can't do alone.

Is this perhaps the root of your feelings?

As, it would not be the reason why he is having sex with you, not on a daily basis, there's no need to if he masterbates. He has to be doing it because he enjoys sex with you.

How adventurous are you ... Is foreplay an issue with him, to you.... Do you have fantasies and act them out.

I'm not saying do what is sighted on Porn, no way, it's not a competition and it's from my understanding of the many threads i've read, is not the reason why guys watch it, it's not a replacement, but can be if there is no sex in their lives... You don't have that, you have sex in your lives.

I'm just saying start feeling the fantasies and visualising what you would like and tell him, send him an email, act them out, change the rules yourself in other words...

He may be a highly sexual person and maybe an added bit in his life will mean he doesn't need so much of the porn...

Well, your asking for thoughts.

If this is already occuring, well again, nothing wrong with you, or him together either, as your sharing your intimacy daily...

He may just be a very sexual person.

CW

**SorridLives** · 06-16-2008 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

I think if you have sex everyday, and he masterbates as well, your one lucky lady........

CW

Thanks very much for your input. I appreciate it.
Yes, I am lucky.
I think you are right. He is very sexual....and he likes to enjoy as much sex, in as many ways as possible- within his comfort level...and mine.
Intercourse and oral are the two things he can't do alone. Thank God he needs me for them or I'd be in trouble, as I often joke to him....telling him if he could go down on himself, I'd be in trouble. LOL...but, again, you are right that it does make me uncomfortable that he doesn't need me during those masturbation sessions. He feels good all on his own. Drat. I do want to be everything to him, and I know I can't be....
We are adventurous together. No problems there. I will try to give him more foreplay, though we have a lot now.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 06-17-2008 08:53 AM

Speaking for myself here, I can stimulate myself rather well, and being in control of everything, for example, the duration that it goes on for etc. can be rather nice... It's about relaxing and enjoying the sensation, and not worrying about if your girls jaw or hand is getting tired. It's totally different to sex, if you ate a nice big juicy steak you'd still want to eat a pudding, or some cheese or whatever...

As long as he still pays attention to you and sex is still good and frequent... I guess I don't really see the problem. What exactly is the route of your discomfort? The fact that he's watching other women in porn or that you aren't the sole provider of his orgasms?

C · 06-17-2008 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Speaking for myself here, I can stimulate myself rather well, and being in control of everything, for example, the duration that it goes on for etc. can be rather nice... It's about relaxing and enjoying the sensation, and not worrying about if your girls jaw or hand is getting tired. It's totally different to sex, if you ate a nice big juicy steak you'd still want to eat a pudding, or some cheese or whatever...

As long as he still pays attention to you and sex is still good and frequent... I guess I don't really see the problem. What exactly is the route of your discomfort? The fact that he's watching other women in porn or that you aren't the sole provider of his orgasms?

The fact that he is not acting normal....

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 06-17-2008 09:35 AM

It was a question for SorridLives, and an important one.

As for him not being normal, I would question that - although he does seem to have got into this a little deeper than he should have done, but he certainly is no freak.

**Hystorm** · 06-17-2008 11:35 AM

Have you paid attention to what kinds of site/girls he is viewing?
Maybe he likes huge breasts or tiny, large backsides, Asian girls, etc.
It maybe a fetish he has with a particular part of a women that you don't have. Please don't take that wrong, it was merely an open question to a possibility and not a suggestion that there is something lacking in you.

If you could go though his HISTORY in Internet Explorer and find out what he likes, see if there is a pattern, then maybe you could fill it...unless it required surgery, then you're on your own so to speak.

Good luck.

**SorridLives** · 06-17-2008 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Speaking for myself here, I can stimulate myself rather well, and being in control of everything, for example, the duration that it goes on for etc. can be rather nice... It's about relaxing and enjoying the sensation, and not worrying about if your girls jaw or hand is getting tired. It's totally different to sex, if you ate a nice big juicy steak you'd still want to eat a pudding, or some cheese or whatever...

As long as he still pays attention to you and sex is still good and frequent... I guess I don't really see the problem. What exactly is the route of your discomfort? The fact that he's watching other women in porn or that you aren't the sole provider of his orgasms?

If I had to choose one of those above, I would say it is not I am not the sole provider of his orgasms. As I said,- I just sometimes feel he is missing it....and maybe it bothers me that he needs something (sexually) other than me.... Make sense? I know you probably feel that it is wrong to think that way....Selfish maybe?

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