well I agree this is a real problem. Masturbation is natural but I think the whole wanting to be caught thing is connected to the experience you had with the bullies at school obviously. That was public sexualised actions and thats what your wanting now. It was one of your first sexualised experiences so has got you confused about what turns you on.

Your right that it is NOT OK to do this around kids, well it's not even ok to do this around non consenting adults either.

It sounds like you genuinly want to change and are taking steps. I'm glad. But is this enough. You don't want to get to a point where you get arrested or do you. Are you unconsciously moving towards this point so you are forced to stop? What does your consellor suggest?

The onlty thing I can suggest, and I am really clutching at straws here to find some advice. You say that you seem to change and don't care once you are in the act, so to speak. When you start feeling this urge you need to take action and make choices at that very early point. Go somewhere more appropriate to masturbate. If you still need the feeling of not being alone maybe put on some porn. I don't know, just a suggestion.

If you really can't control this urge and it is going to expose other people you may consider asking your therapist to book you into somewhere you can get intensive therapy until you get some strategies that you feel you can use to sort it out in the world at large.

good luck.

tt

It sounds like you are not yet at the point of breaking...
That point will come when you are arrested, thrown into jail and tagged as a Predator which will follow you for the rest of you natural life. You must register everywhere you go, anyone and their grannies can look online and see your name, picture and address as a sex offender. This is the absolute direction you are going and will end up 100% guarantied unless you do something NOW!!

Here what I would do if in your shoes. Write down everything you have said here, or even print it out and cut out your entries and staple together, etc.

Take those papers to you closest mental hospital and check yourself in.
They will take you without pay. If they do not, come back here and tell us and I will personally help you find a place that will take you.

You need to get a handle on this NOW while you still have a life worth saving. Once you are put through the legal system, you life will be worth spit and those thoughts of suicide will come to fruition

You are well on your way to recovery as you are at the phase just before self destruction. If you do nothing and continue to idle, you will be HOSED!

I testify the things I'm telling you are true and correct. I am a volunteer Drug and Alcohol rehabilitation manager and see this DAILY! I know what the signs are, what to look for in someone about to self destruct. Your Sub-Conscience is going to get you busted!!! Meaning, you will do things not knowing why, but your sub-conscience knows to get you caught so it will finally be over and you will be constrained (in jail) Trust me; you don't want to be this way in jail. You think its bad to be locked up going through narcotic withdrawals surrounded by a bunch of freaks and loons...imagine having your condition in a cell with a bunch of wackjobs just looking for a reason to pound on the new guy. You pop a boner and it’s over, never mind even getting a chance to masturbate anywhere!


PLEASE, PLEASE do this for yourself if no one else.

I wish you the best of luck and please continue to post and update us if possible.

I agree with what Hystrorm has said 100%....I, too, am familiar with signs along this nature....Get help.....Nobody here can help you.....You must help yourself....Hystorm has given you the best advice that anyone can offer pertaining to your problem...This can be controlled, but not by the people you are seeing......

Good luck, Caroline

Wanting to get caught might be a form of exhibitionism and not a very serious problem. The web provides ways for exhibitionists to endulge their fetish. There are many sites that will let you post explicit movies of yourself for others to watch - with no harm to you or otheres.

If you find that doing this on occasion (even every day) satisfies you needs, you may be ok. But you may find that you just keep wanting more, in which case you probably do need psychological help.

Now this is important: Exhibiting yourself on appropriate websites is fine - fantasize all you want about who might be watching (and probably a lot of people will be). Exhibiting yourself in the real world, or initiating contact with anyone outside of adult sites could lead to serious trouble.

Hi thanks for replying it means alot, but i DO NOT want to be exposing myself to women, young girls and even guys sometimes i dont want to be upsetting anyone, and to be honest the last thing i want to to show a young girl or boy my penis and masturbate untill i make myself cum, but the problem is i cannot stop exposing myself to people and im lucky not to get in trouble with the police which that scares me, 80% of me is usualy shy and i keep to myself, but when im horny 20% of me dont care what im doing as im getting a kick a woman seing my hard penis seeing me masturbating and then seeing me have orgasm, but once that orgasm is done the guilt that comes over me i cant explain how much i hate myself and i even cry after what ive done and start thinking about suicide as i dont know how to stop, my shrink as got me to try when i become horny to do other things, like wash up, hoover, clean my car but i have tried and there as been one or two times its took my mind of my hard on, but 95% it fails i become so hard it hurts and then either masturbate in my home or i go else wsere to be seen even goto local mens toilets as theres peeps holes but admit when there im very scared, its getting me down were i wish things could be forced on me without my say so and not sure it can happen means im single and a virgin i wont miss sex so i just wish my sex drive could be killed off for good, even if that ment chemical castration and even removing my balls as its really gettin me down i wasnt this way untill 18months ago and its been getting worse and worse and although i admit i do this around adults what if the age i decide i dont care as long as im being seen which is not what i want, i want to nip this in the bud NOW but i cannot do it alone, ive been seeing my shrink for 3 to 4 months and its just talk and how i feel when im horny and after, plus other problems im having with myself, i have been 100% honest with my shrink told her about what happend to the 14yr old and she mentioned i would be classed as a sex offender and even paedophile if the girl had reported me and even though she wanted to watch i should have refused and shes right but although she was a daughter of some dear friends of mine that i have since lost i still got off on her watching me, somethink did happen next day with her, but i dont have a clue whats going to happen im terried about i wont care who i show my hard on to and masturbate, one thing i know is i wouldnt have thought getting horny and erection and masturbatin would lead me to have a serious problem like this that after i get off i have pure puire hate for myself but once im horny again all that is forgotten untill i cum and then starts again with guilt, but yes i wish things could be forced on me as at min its all upto and i cannot stop, i have to see one of my shrink collegues next week (tuesday) and her collegue works at a medium securty mental hospital and i will admit im scared stiff, and when there i will have to talk about being bullied and being sexual abused which is , plus been told i will have to talk about all sexual fantasys and young girls (14yr old) which im scard of, my current shrink as told me to tell the truth and all of it if i become aroused to still tell him or her, but my wish would be to stop exposing myself, showing me hard on, masturbating to other untill i cum i even do it to my own mother which when im horny i dont think about anyones feeling just the moment im horny and getting off, sometimes i think if i was caught and reported maybe then things could be forced on me, but i dont know if they can do that plus not sure what they can do, anyway im sorry about again the long post again, and also im sorry if i offend anyone if i do just say and i wont post but i do value your opinions, but will admit i need help as i cannot do this on my own.

cheers
carl

Carl, it seems to me that you continue to "express your feelings/thoughts", not once have you stated that something someone has said, makes sense, or that you feel that may help?

You have come onto an anonymous site, shared a deep dark secret, have seen a counselor for 4 months, scared..

Yet...

You are not acknowledging any advice?

DO you really think your past that point?

Now, your admitting that you have done this in front of your mother, and assumably, you tell your psychologist about this, the 100%...truth?

It is not a bad thing that you keep talking and we keep replying, but you need to LISTEN....

To them, to someone...........to yourself, have you even re-read your thread/posts verses ours?

It seems to me, you WANT to be caught, you need to tell and you continue to do so, until that day arises? It's making you feel better about it all, an apology, on-going, i'm sorry.

Otherwise, frankly in my opinion when someone asks for advice, they turn around and say, well, that hasn't been said to me before, I'll try that...

DO you want help? Or, just to continue to express? Continue denial?

Sorry... I am only voicing an opinion, and only thoughts, based on your last reply, first thread and in - between ones.

You can't keep saying sorry.... What are you feeling sorry over? That you will take the next step and therefore, you've apologised in advance? Vent away, tell away, but my opinion is if your here for advise then take it or what is the point?

Go and book yourself in somewhere...

Go and take the leap.

Go and take the gamble.

Take yourself away for this.

18 months in nothing, based on 41 years, if you want hope there is hope, if your waiting for it all to happen and feel a tad sorry for yourself, i am not going to feel sorry for you. For one.

Get the help you KNOW you need.

AND finally realise that you have all the answers you need.. Staring you in the face, read, and re-read the answers, all of them... Pattern?


CW

Hi Chandlers Wish

As ive said i have read what people have said, and im very greatfull for those posts i have tried many things to try and sort this out, ie when horny trying to do other things like wash up, clean car, mow lawns etc but i admit 1 or 2 times thats work but then i become so hard it hurts and then do the deed, ive even thought and tried a hooker as im curious about sex and what its like, but when i was with her i admit i was hard but once with her that went very quickly and ended leavin, people have mentioned a mental hospital and i know 1 or 2 have said that but admit the thought scares me but sayin that i know i need help, ive mentioned this to my shrink and shes made an appointment to see one of her collegues who is in a mental hospital and like i said im terried they will admit me, but sayin that i hope they do even with out me agreeing, but not sure what happens in a hospital and what treatment i will get, but i do value what you all have said and i have tried many of them although there are a couple i am willing to try, but eveythink switchs off in my head when i become aroused, what i am clear about is when i post here i want to be honest and tell you whats going on, i mean i posted here so need to be upfront and honest, i am not here for sympathy but what i dont want is upsetting people and pissing them off. if thats what im doing then from the bottom of my heart im truely sorry.