then why are so many on boards like this having such troubles getting there, me included?

i dont think i have any real problems as such , i was brought up to believe that sex was something for after marriage and that only a man has orgasms, i never knew anything about then for us women til 4 yrs back, and since my husband has found out about the lack of them for me and the fact that i have never had one in my life, he has gone about trying to change that for me, but unfortunatlely with little effect over this amount of time, i cant even say anything really regarding the sex we had or do have as its for him really as i simply dont feel much of anything at all other than him going in and out of me, am i really that unusual?

That's a good point. I'm not sure that I've ever had an orgasm. The problem I have is it feels really good and it builds, but it just keeps building and it never releases. Is that you problem or you don't feel anything at all? Does it feel good?

I believe that the above highlighted statement has a lot to do with your situation.

I believe that the majority of what leads to a woman having an orgasm has a lot to do with her mind set. As you stated above, I think you all ready have this pre-determined subconscious notion that you can't or you won't and therefore you haven't.

no i only feel the ize of him in me and the fact that he is moving around is kinda obvious realy but other than that i feel nothing happening within me at all.

yes it was a statement that relates to me, but i was wondering if others felt that way too, or is it that i have been mislead yet again as to what i should actually be able to feel at that time?

as for my mind set how can i do that seeing as i didnt even know that i was meant to orgasm ever, if i didnt expect to fel anything then how am i meant to be switching that off?

I never had an orgasm with a man until my current boyfriend. And based on some of those orgasms, I don't think I really had one with myself until he came around.
I'm only 20 years old, and I've only had sex with 2 men, but growing up in these times, I fooled around with guys as a teenager ... I had the same problem as you seem to have. Obviously I could feel them touching where they touched, but it didn't feel good. Sort of like a doctor's touch.
But I knew there was supposed to be some other feeling and it was really upsetting to me; I felt like I was defective or doing something wrong.
So while I am a full-fledged believer in at least two very different kinds of female orgasms now, I was skeptical for a while, or at least believed that I couldn't achieve one myself.
I think if you start to think about sex differently, start to think of it as a pleasurable and erotic thing, maybe you'll come over to the dark side

i would love to think of it as pleasurable if it actually was!!! im not going to start telling him lies and making things up, i honestly find that him rubbing my feet or head to have a better sensation than having sex with him, erm i know this sounds but i wish someone would explain to me what erotic actually is

my husband is the only person other than a doctor who has ever touched me down there at all. im 43 yrs old now btw

So what you are saying sounds as if you have no sexual desire(s) at all?