hi there i am new to all this sort of thing, and if i have posted this in the wrong place then i do apologise.

i been with my feller for over 12 month the phsical side of things only just taken off about 6 weeks ago., he a lovely sensitive caring loving person. and he is having problems with erections, i love him despartly, and i do not know what to say to him, i just tell him the truth which is that if we never made love properly i still love him and want to be with him, it that simple, but practically he needs to feel good about himself and this is making him worry, he feels a failure thinks he letting me down, and what he lacks there makes up in other departments, he worrys far to much about it i think that is one prob and i tell him to relax and not to think about it, to just enjoy each other as best we can, he can get one one that will last and other times it just goes soft half way through,sometime no matter what i do he dont respond, and of couse i wonder if it me am i turning him on, he says so but i need to know what else i can try what i can do.

he is on medication for emphasemia, so he having enough to worry about as it is, i really dont want him to worry at all, but we think this may have a bearing on it he is gonna to go see his doctor about the meds, but is there anything i can do or say that will help.

i mean telling him it dont matter cos no matter what i love him aint really the way, it is true but he needs to feel good about himself too and that all i want for him..

You can get yourself into quite a psychological rut over this, you feel like a failure, inadequate, not man enough etc etc. And all of those negative emotions just hit you each time you have sex, and obviously all of that emotional baggage is basically shooting you in the foot, it's a vicious circle. He just needs to relax, not push himself about it, have a few sucessful sack sessions and build his confidence.

Given the fact that you've been going out for 12 months but only been sexually active for six weeks means that you're young and not that experienced? It's relatively normal in that case.

Just don't worry about it, and try not to let him blow it into to big of a deal, but likewise don't belittle the way he feels about it.

hey thanks for your help, but i need to clear up a couple of things i am 40 he is 46 i have been divorced for 2 years, i know him for 12 months it taken that long to realise that we have serious feelings for each other, you know dont laugh but we feel like teenagers soppy and in love, but you can imagine his dissappointment feeling like his does about me and it all going wrong. i would never belittle him. it just knowing how to word things. i did at that point tell him not to worry things feel right all this will happen in time, to relax and try not to think about the problem to much as you say a vicious circle. i been round the block i do know normaly what turns a man on, so i have tried various things but it makes him feel bad when it goes wrong. i swear it the meds he is on, and i guess once he has been to docs to see we'll know more. sounds silly but i may be expericenced but you know i may not be all that i only been married twice so you know i cud be doing something better for him. sex to me is fantastic but it not the bee all and end all,would rather love him him love me and nothing i would not go else where, he worth so much i could not bear to lose him. but naturally it a big part of a relationship so we got to try first. you been very kind listening to me waffle on. #love rain

Ah, well, to be honest, being a young man myself, I know nothing of the problems of getting an erection when you're older... That's something I look forward to finding out about..........

But yeah, could be meds or anything I guess - best of luck with it all. I suppose you could always try some "other" meds to help him along on his way?

try baby oil and playing with his nuts for 20 minutes. Always works for me

i want to say thanks for the responses i have had. it not going to be an easy on at all. i can cope with the problem but i cannot cope with seeing him panic and worry and knowing what to say to him is realy the issue, i found my self saying the imortal words it does not matter ( because i love him i want him to see that it is not bothering me ) but it does matter i know how i would feel if the problem was on my side... i will not leave him because of it but sometimes i think he gonna just leave me to find someone who can do it for me. i do not want that. i tried to say come what may we in this together and we try to combat it together, but the failure he feels is unbelievable. and it again its the words that let me down, i am hopless at explaining or helping.. i try to say leave the sex let just play and enjoy each other, but to him it pointless cos if i do just play with him he likes it for a while but because he cannot come either he starts to get embarrassed like it going now where what is the point... i do think it all related to the fact he been sick the last 18 months he been at deaths door emphassemia is quiet and illness, he wants a normal sex life and yes so do i. but i knowing how to help him what to say or what to try and do is the problem i feel. the answeres may not bet there but to all that have tried to help thank you


love L

He needs to see his Dr. he might have some serious problems in his circulatory system, perhaps one of the three ED meds will help him. I tried Viagra didn't do much then Lavitra, didn't like the side effects so now I am on Cialis and love it. My erections would not be there 100% and sometimes loose it during intercourse.

"Try it, you'll like it"

DH and I have been through this in two different ways. ED (Impotence) and lack of sex drive (Hormone problems)

I think its important to understand this his inability to "function" is probably medical. Like 90% or more. If its medical its very common so he should not wig out. However its never "normal" no matter what his age. He needs to find out why he is having this problem. Men with sexual health issues are loth to see doctors... Why? Many reasons... You can help. Assure him that its not a "failure to be man" its a medical problem. Tell him that your feelings for him are not changing because he has a medical problem. Help him find a doctor he can talk to. Some men don't want to admit their problems and finding a doctor he trusts is very important. If you feel angry and resentment remember this is his medical problem. He might not be dealing with it well but its not "rejection" of you in a sexual way. Its not because your not sexy enough or are too fat or anything like that.

supportEDpartners : Support for partners of men with ED is a good place to vent.