My boyfriend recently told me that I am shy in bed. I don't like being on top and we've already had sex in the dark. I think he wants me to be more aggressive but I don't know how, as this is the first guy I've had sex with. He kind of hinted that sex was boring to him and now he doesn't want to have sex anymore. I like kissing him when we have sex but being on top, he won't let me kiss him. I really need help on this. I don't know what to do.

Hi...

Can i ask? How long have you been going out with him for? And, does he let you kiss him if you are not on top?

I've been dating him for a few months and when he is on top. I have a better orgasm and he lets me kiss him.

So, sorry, am i assuming he lets you kiss him when you are on top, but not other times?


It's just that, he seems to make a few demands there, whilst also at the same time, making you feel in-secure.

I am just trying to get an understanding on the kissing bit, but maybe also, he thinks you are just "on top" for your own pleasure and he feels that he is just a um, piece of meat as apposed to "love making" together.

CW

but i dont like being on top and he only kisses me when im on bottom.

What i guess sticks out in my mind is this...

When you are on top (confused over the kissing) but I'll give it a go, you have an orgasm and he won't kiss you.

When you are on the bottom, he will kiss you and you don't have an orgasm.

So, he may not understand that it is simply "position" for you that allows you to get where you want to get.

That is my favourite position it seems...

And, i think he is thinking that when he kisses you, makes love to you it doesn't happen and he feels inadequate, and now says i don't want sex.

He feels he is not doing it right or good enough.

What he needs to understand is that that is not a FACT.

We all as women have positions whereby it effects us the most and consequently you perhaps need to explain that to him that it is not the fact that you find your way and orgasm, rather, HE reaches your spot if you are on top, in the fashion that you can orgasm.

You also therefore need to experiment more in different positions, him raising you up for instance is similar to you being on top, where feeling it more goes, doggy style etc.

It is all a learning curve, when new and your new to it, and he's new to you.

Explain that to him as i think he is just feeling in-secure based on your reply on your other thread.

And based on 6 months, together it's all new and he was your first.

Everything takes time when your both new as bodies entwining as one, let alone, you being new to sex as well and he may not have had many either, so it's all new to be explored together as a couple.

CW

when a women is on top guys, I have found, like it when you are ridding them like a cow girl, not bent over kissing them possition but bouncing up and down on top of them.

If you don't like this do it another way. Get all the kisses and intimacy you want.

I don't know why he doesn't want sex any more. Speak to him about it and what you like and what he likes. Maybe you can have a mix of both so you are both happy.

Don't feel discouraged it should be an exciting learning experience for both of you.

tt