My boyfriend is a pretty heavy coke user. He wants to get help but is scared. He is doing better now then he was not long ago. But still uses.

When he is doing coke all day ( which is every day) he has issues "getting it up". And says that watching porn helps him. The reason he is having a hard time getting off coke is (well one of the reasons) but because he relates it to everything. We have made plans for him to go a day and then 2 days and then 3 days and so on. This worked for about 2 weeks and he was doing great.

But he has no interest in sex what so ever when he is not using because sex only makes him think of using. At the same time he does not have much interest in sex while he is using because he is embarresd. He is worried about not pleasing me about not being able to get it up so he turns to masterbating and porn.

I had posted a diffrent thread about him not wanting to have sex anymore and all he wants to do is masterbate. There is so many issues along with this. We used to have sex all the time and he was using then too. Now he has so many rules well it has to be this and that. Like dressing sexy and role playing we cant be fighting and just let it happen. But it never happens. Even when I do all these things.

Last night it almost happen for the first time in a month and a half. He wanted me to get naked so I did. I made him too. He was playing with me (only a few seconds) but more action then Ive seen in a while. Then he got on top of me and had me give him oral for about a min. He enjoyed it alot. Then we were just carrying on flirting and stuff. I left the room and came back 5 min later and he was at his computer with porn up. And says want to watch some pron with me.

Me knowing that this ment sit behind him while he watches porn and masterbates and I do the same. I said no Ill pass. He says oh ok well do you want to swallow.

So I ask him about it the next day and he dosnt really have an answer. Just that he had been doing coke. And that he was hoping I would want to watch porn with him and we would go from there. See what happens. Should I just keep watching the porn with him and hope that something happens. I just want sometimes for it to be me and him not him and his computer girls and then me. I dont mind it sometimes. But not everytime. He is addicted to porn and masterbating.

Get him off coke! I think the sex life is the smallest of your worries if he's doing something majorly illegal and you know about it. YOU can go to jail because of HIS coke habit.
I guarantee that you deserve better than a drug user, regardless of his other hobbies, addictions, or good points.
Sounds like he has the kind of personality where he'll get addicted to anything. If he kicks one addiction, he'll probably get addicted to something else, whether it be more or less innocuous, and it'll be a vicious cycle that goes on.
Google for rehabilitation centers in your area and convince him to enroll in a program. There should be no legal repercussions for doing this. He'll probably come out as a different person than when he went in. Hopefully, at least.
Good luck.

I agree with Little. Forget about the issues with sex. The most important thing is to get him off the drugs.

My brother's girlfriend went through the same thing, she has been clean for a little over a year now.

Coke is a bad one. I've done my fair share of hallucinogens, nerve blockers, pain killers, and smoked enough pot to fill a few acres, but coke scare the sh** out of me (my brother in-law has a habit of it).

Then you're compounding coke's issues with ED and the result, as you know, is nothing good. There are no easy answers, but here are my suggestions, take them with a grain of salt.

1. Sex aside get him off the coke. Send him to rehab, dry him out, move to a different part of the country if you must (some places you just can't buy coke). The withdrawl and sexual side effects may last a month, three months, a years...who can say.

2. As far as ED is concerned, you can hope things clear-up when he gets clean and stays clean. If his ED is a result of loss of feeling in his unit (such as I get with my nerve-blockers) then drugs like Viagra® won't even help because even if he'll be up, but won't be able to climax.

He may seriously need to "re-learn" how to have sex. Using his mouth, hands, and toys on his partner before masturbating himself to climax. Its not a happy ending, but when life screws you up.......well.... You do what you can. ED sucks (I know), but you can live with it. You can even get standing ovations for the best oral skills this side of porn-stars. But it will never be the same as when you were 15 and could get hard 20 times a day, climax five and still want more.

Similarly to SinisterUrge, I'm no stranger to drugs, and I really frown upon cocaine. It's insanely expensive, it totally screws people up, it's very addictive and people are simply annoying when they're on it.

First order of priority is to get him off it (and get him to stop dealing it too - just a guess).

I'd disagree with little in that you could land in jail (unless you're dealing with him).

But yeah, basically, do you really want a boyfriend who's eroded his... err... frenulum? (or something, the middle of your nose), and who constantly has to be snorting coke?

I don't mean to sound anti drug, because I'm really not but...

Even taking a message about a drug deal can land you in jail. Any provable connection with it whatsoever (in the states, anyhow; I don't know about in the UK) will land your tail end in the slammer.

Well, legally speaking in england, if you're caught with one pill of ecstacy you could be sent to jail for about 5 years... The practicality of it is that the policeman would eat it and send you on your way (or more likely give it to one of his buddies).

I can't see the state wanting to take down the partner of a druggie, unless they were heavily involved.

I don't think I could be with anyone who chose Coke over Pepsi....

Sorry, like I said before.... Dump the loser! He is deffinately not worth it. You are young and you have way to much ahead of you to waste your time on this one. He needs a good dose of reality. His problems are not your fault.

Good luck to you...