Thread: Question for some men...

Here is a weird sort of question, but it is imaginative (I think) and I really am curious about it, if I can get some answers. Not sure there are enough guys here.

The way I see it, a guy grows up and starts to find certain women more attractive than others. The man develops a sense of what the perfect girl/woman looks like. I would say by the age of 18 or so, they know. For a lot of men, it's the same kind of girl/woman. Usually she is average height or tall, blonde, cheerleader-ish, has approx. size 34D or 34DD boobs (give or take- you might make that 36D or whatever) and she is beautiful! Maybe this varies slightly with some guys...but, Okay,....
my question is...
*IF* a guy does not wind up ever dating their idea of that someone that's perfect looking, not dating her, not having sex with someone that is like that, or not marrying someone like that, or not staying married to someone like that...How does it affect the rest of your life? Do you think about it often? Do you feel sad sometimes? Do you feel unfulfilled? Do you feel like you are missing something?
You get the idea...

Just curious.

That's not a weird question at all. I think it's a very good question. I've never thought about it in the way you brought it up. Good for you.

I grew up and like you said, I do have my preferences for what I find attractive. I am a bit of an oddity amongst men in that I strongly prefer small breasted women to big breasted, but that's neither here nor there in this discussion. Just felt for whatever reason I needed to make that point. Ha!

Thinking back on the women I've dated over the years, I always dated a woman I felt was attractive. Interestingly enough, my perceptions of what was attractive have changed dramatically depending on who I was with. For example: My theoretical dream girl is small, but I have dated a girl who was quite tall and very large weight wise. Just because this woman didn't fit into my "dream girl" theoretical image didn't mean that I didn't find her irresistable and beautiful and someone I really wanted to be with. I did.

A woman's personality has a lot to do with my perception of her. If she has a great personality, super sense of humor, etc. Then I am very likely to be able to enjoy her and want to be around her regardless of her other physical attributes. I think this is the sticky point for a lot of women. They think that because they're not perfect, if they have a flabby back-side or some other thing they see as a defect, then it shuts them down with their s/o, because that's not a trait that he would see as "ideal".

Well honey(s)...he's not perfect either. I know YOU know that, but sometimes I think because of men's presumed unshakeability, they are perceived as stronger or more invincible than they are. They know they're not perfect. They know that they're probably not the strappin' thumpin' dream guy to you either. The difference between men and women seems to me to be in their acceptance of themselves. I think that women have a harder time accepting themselves than men do.

In any event, don't be confused...your man accepts you for who you are and loves you and is turned on by you (even if you don't perceive your physicality to be perfect).

Cheers.

Oh...and I sort of missed part of your question which is: If I got married to someone who was vastly different to my "dream girl perspective" would I feel robbed, cheated, or satisfied. (Ok, I took the liberty of re-writing the question...I'm a man...what can I say).
The answer is if a man loves a woman, all the other stuff is out the door. Just not a consideration. Unimportant...not even on the radar.

Cheers.

Originally Posted by Fire(m)

That's not a weird question at all. I think it's a very good question. I've never thought about it in the way you brought it up. Good for you.

I grew up and like you said, I do have my preferences for what I find attractive. I am a bit of an oddity amongst men in that I strongly prefer small breasted women to big breasted, but that's neither here nor there in this discussion. Just felt for whatever reason I needed to make that point. Ha!

Thinking back on the women I've dated over the years, I always dated a woman I felt was attractive. Interestingly enough, my perceptions of what was attractive have changed dramatically depending on who I was with. For example: My theoretical dream girl is small, but I have dated a girl who was quite tall and very large weight wise. Just because this woman didn't fit into my "dream girl" theoretical image didn't mean that I didn't find her irresistable and beautiful and someone I really wanted to be with. I did.

A woman's personality has a lot to do with my perception of her. If she has a great personality, super sense of humor, etc. Then I am very likely to be able to enjoy her and want to be around her regardless of her other physical attributes. I think this is the sticky point for a lot of women. They think that because they're not perfect, if they have a flabby back-side or some other thing they see as a defect, then it shuts them down with their s/o, because that's not a trait that he would see as "ideal".

Well honey(s)...he's not perfect either. I know YOU know that, but sometimes I think because of men's presumed unshakeability, they are perceived as stronger or more invincible than they are. They know they're not perfect. They know that they're probably not the strappin' thumpin' dream guy to you either. The difference between men and women seems to me to be in their acceptance of themselves. I think that women have a harder time accepting themselves than men do.

In any event, don't be confused...your man accepts you for who you are and loves you and is turned on by you (even if you don't perceive your physicality to be perfect).

Cheers.

Thanks so much....Such a wise and nice man. Yes, my husband forgives my imperfections....and knows he has his own. He doesn't understand why I ever hint at thinking I should be perfect for him or for any reason. Sometimes I guess I wish I looked like an older Jessica Biel or Britney Spears. But he loves me and thinks I am very sexy anyway. Thanks.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Yes, imperfection doesn't matter.

What puts more of a strain on a relationship in my opinion is the lack of confidence of the woman... constantly judging herself, asking if you think she's fat, blah blah. The insecurity gets a little weary after a while. So beware, displaying severe insecurity is far more problematic to a relationship than whatever it is you might feel insecure about.

Just be confident and happy. If you don't like yourself how can anyone else?

Thanks, Anon. Good advice.

Originally Posted by LoverofSEX

Great question and answers so far. I didn't date but two times in HS and once after, I was not interested in girls in HS I was more into cars, and my male friends, I leaned more on the homo side then hetro side. I have often thought I wish I would have at least tried to make out with a gal that was in my home room all through HS and who lived right behind us. But then I think she probably would have dumped me due to my drinking and masturbation habits.

The women I call "My Wife" for the past 38 years is the one I love and will stay with until "Death do us part" nether one of us are eye stoppers, I am not a Tom Cruise and she is not a Ferret Faucet, so when I see a good or great looking dream girl, I too like small breasts and can't see why some gals want or need breast implants, I wonder "Would I love my wife more if she looked like that? or was younger?, or more beautiful?" the answer is no I love the one aI marred those 38 years ago the way she is. I see some gals and say to myself, wow I can see why she has all those kids.....

I do wish I had more hair and a trimmer body.

I find both men and women attractive and admire both sexes.

LoverofSex...I wish (and I say this sincerely) I could be as (hard to find the right words) open about sex and go with the flow as much as some people like yourself. You started out leaning more homo and then more toward women...and still appreciate both sexes. That is great. I am a person with more hang ups and insecurities.
I once loved a man (in my youth) who was bisexual. My first love. He was too young to even think about settling down. He wanted to sow his oats with both sexes and then maybe marry me much later....at least that is what he said. After that, I don't think I ever could trust a bisexual man. No offense. Even though, I gotta say...if you have been married 38 years...that is great! It makes a lot of sense that no matter what someone else looked like, you would still love your "wife"...no other woman or person could change that. I think my husband feels the same way...
I really appreciate your comments and input!

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

What a great topic. I've wondered about this so many times...I am NO ONE's "dream girl". That term and myself have never and will never be put in the same sentence. But somehow I caught a great guy. He's looked at porn in the past, and without even having seen it, I can tell ya right now those girls look NOTHING like me. So I do worry that he's not happy because he's never going to live out that dream of every man's, to be with a beautiful girl...I feel kinda bad for the guy, actually... I mean, he says all the same things to me he'd say to the "hot girl" type, but I have to wonder if he's going to resent me down the road for not being all he hoped for in life.

We know what each other is saying and feeling here.
I am a fairly good looking woman, but I am not a "10". (I am maybe a 8, at best...Polish/Czech looking.) Guys always drool over the "10"...whatever that is to them....the blonde...big boobs....or small....whatever floats their boat. But the guys here have been saying it may be a what they think the perfect woman is....but that doesn't matter to them in love....which is good news to us! Right?
I guess the answer is that they are not adversely affected by not having the perfect hot babe during their lifetime....or having lost her by not being in the right moment at the time....or to something else. I guess they are saying (so far) love is more important.