Thread: Moral support please

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Hello you.

You know the only think i can offer is a hug, so giving one over to you...

I've never had a relationship where porn is involved so i have no solutions to offer.

I am assuming you are working all day, ever day and that the part time work he may get called to will be minimal from time to time, hense your anxiety...


I guess the only thing i would say is to try to keep him busy with a project that you need done, that never got done, from the inset to keep his mind active still on work, and off feeling he's home doing nothing every day......

Hope some thoughts come through to you....

Thanks for the thoughts, CW. I know you'd offer something if there were
something to offer. Giving him projects really does not help though. He just masturbates then does the project. LOL (to make light of it)
He can't help himself. Really, No use trying to make him feel bad. I don't want to anyway. I just have to let it go and do the best I can at coping. It's going to be rough until I get use to it again....and maybe I never will get completely use to it.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Well, we've discussed masturbation in the past in a thread you created, but basically, you've got to make yourself comfortable with him doing it, but if you really feel like your intimacy has been affected then let him know...

I like to masturbate, and if I'm alone with nothing to do, you think "why not?". If I feel like I'm going to be sharing my sexual self with someone, then I abstain. Times in my previous relationship (where the sex sucked) I wouldn't masturbate assuming sex was down the line somewhere, to be....

I understand and it makes sense, in theory. However, it is hard to swallow when faced emotionally.
No, telling him I want him before I leave would not help. He would just think I am trying to make him feel guilty for the masturbation I know he is about to engage in.
he probably does need time alone and is partly grateful for the fact that he will be essentially out of work for awhile. But you have to understand,...he was out of work for almost a year and did this almost daily....then he did it whenever I was out of the hours for an hour or more. It's all a matter of once every two weeks not being enough for him. We are middle aged. Not young adults (maybe more like yourself) that go out with our friends a few times a week. We are basically home bodies. He just wants enough time to do that deed...then he doesn't mind me home. It must be a stress-reliever for him. Also- I think he enjoy it a lot...and you and others do. I worry sometimes he likes it more than partner sex, I guess. I have mentioned that before. I know you probably won't like this...but it is the lazy way of having good sex.
I just have to learn to cope and hope he doesn't annoy me too much. I don't want this thing to cause resentments.

Sorry about all the typos in the last message (in response to Anon). I was feeling a little more than a little emotional. It's been an emotional day.

I will correct at least this much...

I said, "...Then he did it whenever I was out of the house for an hour or more. It's all a matter of once every two weeks not being enough for him...."

Meaning that his being able to do masturbation only once every two weeks is not enough. He likes it almost daily, like we have sex. He wants to do both. But I know he is less horny (when we make love) after masturbating earlier. I can see it and feel it.

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Once every two weeks is by no means enough masturbation.... Im making myself sound like a bit of a maniac, but anyway, how can you think that once a fortnight might be enough, in any way?

I understand that you can be upset if you don't feel like he's giving you his sexual all, but you need to at least compromise with yourself, it's not a bad thing if he masturbates say 3 times a week. It's a bad thing if he tells you to go to the shop to get some milk so he can squeeze in a quick orgasm and neglect you the rest of the night.

Anon,

I feel there is a large difference between yourself and a man probably old enough to be your Dad. I don't think that, since he has partner sex almost daily, he should need to masturbate 3 times a week. Even if he does, for arguments sake....he should consider that it does take something away from his lovemaking in exuberance and excitement. It's like he is going through the motions at least 1/3 to 1/2 the time, when he is masturbating everyday. That does take away from my time with him. It makes me feel hurt and less important....and, yes, I have told him. He seems to be a little selfish. Perhaps he feels sorry for himself because he is out of work...you would think. However, I think that is more of his excuse for himself.

I am just tryng to keep our marriage strong. I am not the type to like being second to anything. Just being honest.
I really am trying to compromise, but it is not easy when I can pretty much predict the future here. I am feeling hurt already....and it hasn't even happened yet...this time.

To add: Yes, sometimes it is like he wants to send me to the store or for a visit for a couple of hours, rub one out...and then have me let it go, and not pursue sex that night...-or- except him getting me off quickly (HJ). It isn't all the time. I won't say that. But, other times, he may say he doesn't feel well if he is too satisfied from getting himself off earlier. The most common scenario is that he gets himself off, then we have sex later...but he is not as enthused as he would be if he had not masturbated, and it takes a long time because he isn't that horny.