Thread: I think I'm asexual

I used to have the same problem. I even talked to my doctor about it and he referred me to a therapist. I thought the problem was all me and there was something wrong, only to discover that I just wasn't happy in my relationship. Not saying everyone who isn't interested in sex is unhappy with their partner at all. But general depression or unhappiness can lead to no interest in sex. Job stress, life/money stress, etc.
Also, as soon as I stopped taking birth control pills my drive suddenly came back, full force. I swear that's how the pill works. You can't get pregnant when you're miserable to be around and you never want to have sex.

I can vouch for stress and hormones killing sex drive. When I was depressed the last thing I wanted was sex 99% of the time. The other 1%, I didn't want sex, I just wanted the endorphin release from orgasm - therefore it wasn't worth getting my guy involved when I could use my 5-minute method and be done with it. I know that sounds horrible and inconsiderate but I didn't want sexual intimacy at all during that point in my life, and as much as I tried to care about his sexual needs I just didn't feel the drive to satisfy him, and didn't think it would be respectful or appreciated to use him for an orgasm and then walk away.

The pill is also horrible for some women. I was one of them. When I got off the pill my drive came back somewhat but even now I'm not terribly interested in sex except at certain times - when I'm alone and bored (this is probably me training myself, as I used to explore sex-related websites late at night or when I was all alone before I moved away from home; having parents around can cause some really interesting sexual habits to develop!), a week or so before my period (I'm guessing this is my most fertile point, so being horny then makes sense), and after a lot of foreplay, which for me can include watching porn or reading erotic literature. I don't usually get aroused at random. Of course, now that I know my triggers I can arouse myself more easily when I want/need to, but I don't think it's abnormal for women not to think about sex all day.

You sound like you're happy in your relationship other than the sex. Maybe you can work things out. Talk to him and make sure he knows how you feel, completely and honestly. Then make a deal - he can initiate, but he should back off if you insist you don't want sex; or he can expect sex x times a week; maybe you don't want him to initiate at all and will work on your sex drive by yourself or initiate on your own when you feel it's least intrusive to you.

I know it's hard to start things off but if you enjoy it once you're into it, I'd let him initiate at least once a week. I argued it with myself for a while but eventually came to the conclusion that love sometimes means sacrifice (in this case, giving my body willingly to him even when I didn't feel horny) especially if the sacrifice in question isn't going to hurt anyone. I found that even if I feel lukewarm about the sex itself, I really love watching him get pleasure from me, and after a while not only am I more receptive to his advances (I think my body finally gets the hint now!) but I've started actually wanting sex rather than wanting to masturbate. It could also be that I'm getting older (24 now) and am more aware of his pleasure and how I factor into it. I like making him happy, so the small sacrifice of letting him start foreplay when I'm not interested is paid back in the bliss I see when he cums. He is also aware of my lack of interest and so he does his best to be gentle, to use lube when necessary, and to always, always tell me he loves and appreciates me. It's so awesome to hear those words and know that he understands!

Originally Posted by Faerunner

I argued it with myself for a while but eventually came to the conclusion that love sometimes means sacrifice (in this case, giving my body willingly to him even when I didn't feel horny) especially if the sacrifice in question isn't going to hurt anyone. I found that even if I feel lukewarm about the sex itself, I really love watching him get pleasure from me, and after a while not only am I more receptive to his advances (I think my body finally gets the hint now!) but I've started actually wanting sex rather than wanting to masturbate.

This is exactly the way sex is with my wife, on the exceedingly rare occasions we have sex, except for the part about giving herself willingly, and the part about her loving to watch me get pleasure, and the part about becoming more receptive to my advances after a while, and the part about actually wanting sex...
But other than that, it's just the same!
I can tell she likes it because of the loving way she says, "Aren't you done yet?"

I guess you could describe me as Asexual- as much as i would love to enjoy sex i have never even indulged in sex never mind enjoyed it.

I have no sexual attraction to either sex- at all and have never(ever) felf 'horny'.

I have been sick since the age of six with multiple autoimmune diseases, one of my many problems involves the pituitary gland.
In my case it dosnt work- it is the pituitary gland ( the size of a pea in the brain) that regulates a number of things including SEX! SO you see i was doomed from the start.

The way i see it, no pituitary gland no sex.

I have felt attaction to the opporsite but nothing more.

I have had relationtionships- unsuccessful ones.

Shame really.