Thread: Pornography and boyfriends

Well, my heart goes out to you over this.

You sound pretty young. I'm in my 40's and when I look at porn, I have a fantasy life fueled by more than 20 years of memories of being intimate with real women to draw on. I also have a wife who loves me and who I deeply love, and we watch porn together. We even make our own sometimes.

For me, porn whets the appetite and stimulates the erotic imagination. It also brings back memories. When I see a clip of a woman giving a guy oral in a car, I think about all the sweet times when that's happened to me.

It sounds like your boyfriend is young and not up to the challenges (and rewards) of being in a real relationship. This is not about porn, it's about maturity. It sounds like you need to distance yourself from this guy and be open to whatever is next for you in your life.

On the other hand, you could go to the other end of the spectrum. Tell him you'll go down on him under his desk while he's surfing porn. In other words, aim for the dead center of his fantasy life and take a stand. If he likes to download movie clips of girls giving head while wearing a corset, stockings, and heels, try doing that for him some time.

Now, I'm not saying you should take my advice verbatim, and I'm especially not saying to be a doormat in a French Maid outfit just to get his attention (well, maybe try it just once). My point is, do one thing or the other. You're young, and it's your life to live. Remember that the most important sex organ is your *brain* and that's where you have to start if you want to get through to the other side of this.

Take care, God bless.

I agree with the comments that Richard makes above. I too am in my 40's and tend to agree with the motivations and the reflection on past times.

I don't think you can take anyone's advice verbatim. Not mine, not Richards, not the other folks on here. You have to be led by your heart. You have to be led by your ability (or inability) to communicate with your husband.

Just know that we're here for you and we do understand the problem. Sorry you're having this kind of difficulty and hope it's quickly and easily resolved for you.

Cheers.

Originally Posted by Richard S

Well, my heart goes out to you over this.

You sound pretty young. I'm in my 40's and when I look at porn, I have a fantasy life fueled by more than 20 years of memories of being intimate with real women to draw on. I also have a wife who loves me and who I deeply love, and we watch porn together. We even make our own sometimes.

For me, porn whets the appetite and stimulates the erotic imagination. It also brings back memories. When I see a clip of a woman giving a guy oral in a car, I think about all the sweet times when that's happened to me.

It sounds like your boyfriend is young and not up to the challenges (and rewards) of being in a real relationship. This is not about porn, it's about maturity. It sounds like you need to distance yourself from this guy and be open to whatever is next for you in your life.

On the other hand, you could go to the other end of the spectrum. Tell him you'll go down on him under his desk while he's surfing porn. In other words, aim for the dead center of his fantasy life and take a stand. If he likes to download movie clips of girls giving head while wearing a corset, stockings, and heels, try doing that for him some time.

Now, I'm not saying you should take my advice verbatim, and I'm especially not saying to be a doormat in a French Maid outfit just to get his attention (well, maybe try it just once). My point is, do one thing or the other. You're young, and it's your life to live. Remember that the most important sex organ is your *brain* and that's where you have to start if you want to get through to the other side of this.

Take care, God bless.

I would sooner drive an icepick through my eyeball. I'm suuuure that's a lot of men's fantasy, but why should she do that? Her problem isn't JUST that he doesn't want her, it's that he wants the porn INSTEAD of her. He shouldn't need the extra "push" of watching porn to make him want to be sexual with her. This is so not an attack on you Richard, but more on the idea that women who are having problems with porn in the relationship just need to buck up and get "involved in the action". Puhhh. If she's already said porn makes her feel insecure and just plain awful about herself, I mean...What's more degrading than hiding under a desk doing all the work while that guy pretends it's the girl on the screen doing it? Ew...

""I even went and got those "sexy shots" done of myself and gave them to him as a surprise and he got mad at me about it. He shreded them and said "I know what you look like, I don't want anyone else to look at these"""



Sweetheart............. move on! This man has self esteem issues that he has to resolve and he in the process is making you feel bad about yourself. If i went out and did this for my BF and he ripped them up OMG he would not live to tell about it. I think what you did was fun and sexy and for him to shoot you down like that is horrible. HE doesn't want anyone else to see them. He knows you are beautiful and he wants you to feel as bad about yourself and he does about himself. " He knows what you look like but doesn't want others to see" He sounds like a control freak and scared of his own sexuality so he doesn't want you to have confidence and display yours.

he is using porn as a form of escapism where there is no rejection from a screen and an
image. I'm not implying you have rejected him but someone has and he has to get over that and not make it your problem. Its a fear and insecurity he has to deal with without passing it along to you.

You are 26 and stated in first post you don't like porn and its not for everyone. But you went out on a limb and did something fun and crazy that should have been viewed as such and apprieciated. YOU go girl go out and be your sexy self.

I suggest you get more pics done for yourself for you own viewing and you will always have them to remind yourself of how sexy, fun, wild and uninhibited you can be. Sex is fun and should be enjoyed and explored.

Go have a great life go be your own porn star!