Thread: Pornography and boyfriends

Hmmm...interesting.

My first thought is that guys like to watch porn because they're going to masturbate anyway and porn just assists the process. He's not comparing you to them, or saying "I wish my girlfriend was this hot" he's just looking at the physical sex part of it. I don't think you should try to convince him to stop looking at porn because honestly, it's not going to happen. He might agree to make you happy, but he's still doing it.

The part that surprises me is that you said he would rather watch porn than have sex. If he's doing it while you're gone, fine. But if he's doing it instead, uh oh.

I hate to say this but, is it you? Are you confident in bed? Maybe it's him. How long have you been with him? Maybe he's self conscious and worried about how he might be in bed. I found out the hard way that being confident in bed is super sexy and making him feel super sexy will make him feel confident then maybe he'll feel better about having actual sex instead of doing it himself.

There's been infinity and one threads about pornography, so run a search and you'll find more opinions than you can shake a stick at.

As for me, the bottom line is, porn is fine. As long as he still has sex with you and it doesn't negatively impact your sex life. If it does, fine it's a problem, if it doesn't, then it's an issue about your self confidence rather than him.

What kind of porn is he looking at?

You need to look past the porn and try to understand what kind experience he is seeking, what impulses he is acting out on. Ask him to show you what he's looking at. Turn it into a shared experience, a jumping off point for exploring his fantasy life, and yours.

If porn is a deal-breaker for you, that's going to be problematic in this day and age.

Don't let porn make you feel bad about yourself it is what it is Entertainment. Do you allow a beautiful actress make you feel bad about yourself? That is what it all is acting on a different level. Watch a documentary on the making of porn its really just a business and a job to most of those people.

You say you don't like porn and that is fine its not for everyone but download your own porn even if you don't watch it ( but you should) . Don't allow this to just happen to you make some choices empower yourself.

You say you want his attention well maybe titles such as Hugh dicks will get his attention maybe then you guys can talk on an emotional level of how it makes you both feel .

Originally Posted by Joy

You say you want his attention well maybe titles such as Hugh dicks will get his attention maybe then you guys can talk on an emotional level of how it makes you both feel .

Erm, we're already competing with 9 inch dildos that last forever, gyrate, wiggle, vibrate, rotate beads and provide clitoral stimulation all at the same time. Do you seriously think we don't understand the concept of inadequacy? Just suck it up and move on.

Hey Anon,

I love your posts you always have great advice. I did not mean to offend by what i said. This woman feels unloved and inadaquate along side of these porn stars. Yes that is something she must get over herself i agree. Her BF won't even listen to her and the hurt she feels. He won't even consider it for a second. So i suggested for her to OWN her situation and turn the tables. Maybe once his ego is shocked will he be able to listen to her concerns with compassion. It may not stop his viewing but i think she just wants to be understood and heard not brushed off.

as far as inadequacy compared to vibrators, twirly wirles that last all night well they are great in a pinch but really this is not about a man's size. It is about the size of his heart and how warm it is. No matter what size i would rather have a warm body touching me then some peice of plastic. The only way a man ( Or woman) is really inadequate is if he/she doesn't try and is a total selfish lover.

She feels betrayed he would rather spend time with inanimate objects viewing instead of participating. She feels replaced by images and can't compete with an image.

she said so her self she doens't want to give up on him but that might just be the cure. He may have watched so much he feels inadequate next to the men in those videos.

whatever ppl are into that have to keep it in check of how positivly or negativly it is affecting them and their partners. If this is addiction it isn't about them, or her or anything it is like all addictions............ its about feeding the addiction.

Life is about balance on all levels there is nothing wrong with him watching porn but if he is so addicted to it that he doesn't have time for her well something has to be done for him to get himself back into balance and wake up.

If he is watching porn once a week then yeah she is blowing it out of proportion and let it go and get over it.

A male here. If he is watching porn rather than being with you, then it is a problem, but it is HIS problem and you are suffering from it.

The allure of porn for many men is that they can "interact" with women in a safe way. They can "turn off" (meaning make go away) the women at any second. click, they are gone.

He may have real issues with how he sees himself in relation to real women. Good chance he did not have a good loving relationship with his mother.

What worries me most about the situation you describe is that he was unwilling to discuss the whole thing with you. He is probably too embarassed, or probably does not understand it himself.

If on a second nice come request to discuss the matter he still refuses, then I believe you should seek some couple consulling ( i can't spell). He probably wont want to go. You need to tell him that resolving this is very important to your relationship. If he still wont go then pack your bags.

I think that there is some value in the suggestion above to find out what kind of porn he is watching. There's something about it that is flipping his switch so to speak. Maybe if you could find out what that is and offer him some of it, then you take his (somewhat childlike) focus off the "candy" in front of him.

What you gain by doing this is you gain his trust and then maybe next time he has some fantasy, he comes to you and asks you to enjoy it with him instead of him looking at porn.

Just a theory and honestly, it doesn't hold much water, but I can tell you are in a great deal of pain and are probably willing to try anything and that could work.

I look at porn. From time to time one thing turns me on more than another. I think the difference between your husband and I is that if my wife was offering me ANYTHING, I'd snatch it up so fast it would make her head spin (to heck with the porn). I think that the porn offers us a way of living vicariously through others without any of the risks...no unfaithfulness, no actual challenge of doing all the sicko stuff we see, but that's like watching a train wreck...you just have to watch it...no disease risk, etc.

To me the issue that concerns me moreso than the fact that your husband is looking at porn is that he's NOT taking your cues toward HIM. Think of this as being a situation of a dog who's been chewing on a bone for a month (this represents porn). It's ok, and as long as it's there, he's going to chew on it. BUT here you come (naked or whatever)...and you're a nice juicy steak WITH a NEW BONE! Your average guy (dog) is going to drop the month old bone and attack the new one with all the juicy steak on it.

Sorry to put it in these terms, but at least it's understandable that way (it's pretty accurate too).

If you would like to discuss this more (ask questions etc.) feel free to. I'll be as honest as I can be about what motivates ME (can't speak for anyone else) to look at porn etc. or why I choose my wife over any of that.

I hope you find a solution to your problem. I know you want it and need it.

Cheers.