Thread: another sexless relationship

hi.my bf and have been dating for two and half years and we had sex everytime we saw each other (maybe 4 days a week)....then of course, things dwindled and it had been lil over one year since we have had sex. I finally bring this up,because I'm a lil frustrated here.He says that he has no desire (hes 28) at all and that this happened in every relationship.
Great.
Well, I have been so insecure and feel so disconnected from him. It's not just no sex but he could give me some affection,a backrub,something...other than a kiss.

I told him that I was researching reasons for no libido and he was sooo mad at me!

He said that he will go to the docter,but I HIGHLY doubt that he will,which i think is really selfish...do u agree?

Also,I just would like some intimacy,romance,passion,SOMETHING!
We talk about getting married but I am already starting to feel resentful,while trying to be understanding. I cannot marry someone who has this problem if he is unwilling to seek help.
What do I do cuz I get yelled at if I bring it up?

He says he can have and erection tho,but I dunno....so is it so bad if i asked him to have sex with me if can get an erection?

I just want to be wanted.

He's depressed so I know thats a huge issue.But he needs to do something then,right?

Is he on meds for his depression as some of these can reduce sex drive. He could go to the Dr and get these changed if this is the case.

I think you are right re the talking of marriage this needs to be resolved before you take that next step.

tt

Originally Posted by talk time

Is he on meds for his depression as some of these can reduce sex drive. He could go to the Dr and get these changed if this is the case.

I think you are right re the talking of marriage this needs to be resolved before you take that next step.

tt

Agreed.

I don't mean to be a prophet of doom, but I personally don't know of a young man that can go from 4 times a week to none for a year for no medical reason......maybe there are other emotional factors you are not aware of......

Some people (male or female) just loose interest in sex. The interest may not come back.

Definitley do not marry this guy if you can not resolve this issue. I would not even talk about marriage with him if he doesn't want to talk about this.

thanks,everyone.He is not any any meds at all right now for anything...he said that he will go to the dr eventually,but i really doubt it.If he does'nt go, how long do you think it would be that i could really say that he is selfish and not considering my needs and our relationship?
There are some issues between us now,but it has stemmed from this...like me questioning his fidelaty (spelling),but i truely believe he has been faithful,but u cant be surprised that lotsa things roam through my mind.

He depressed about his life in general...but at what point do i say get up and do something about it? Okay,I have said that,but at what point to i EXPECT him to do it? I hate ultimatems but geeze.

I really think that his either his depression or low testosterone levels and I just want him to be healty and happy....and go to the dr.

So,please dont think that i am being too selfish,cuz i want to be with him,but it takes two to make a relationship work and I'm worried that 1 yr from now it will be the same....

Well he needs to fix that depression first. Get some prozac or counseling. Unfortunatley some anti-depresants can negatively effect his libido. But the depression is only going to affect other areas of your relationship, so it needs to be resolved now...

Good luck

rosalee, this is a sad situation. I understand that he is depressed, but if he hasn't made any effort to be with you in a year, there's definitely a bigger problem than just him being depressed. This is undoubtedly taking a major emotional toll on you as well.

Maybe it would be helpful for you two to have some distance from eachother for a little while just to see if he can bring himself around. The problem is that oftentimes when someone is depressed, they will stay so particularly if someone else is "allowing it" or "enabling it" to continue. If you pull back, my guess is for better or worse, he will be forced to pull himself out of his depression and he may actually be his "old self" to some extent.

I agree with others here who say that even discussion of marriage at this point is just way out of the question, and I'm not encouraging you to "break up" with him, but I am concerned that all that depression may find it's way over on you as well. You need to protect yourself against this possibility and at the same time give him a chance to do "what he will" with his own situation.

Hope things improve.

thanks all. I have noone to talk to about this,so I'm glad I was able to vent and get some feedback. Fire, you are right,it really has taking an emotional toll on me as well.I'm just trying to find new interests right now to keep me busy,because,as u suggested,we are taking a lil break from each other.It's nothing to drastic for now,just saying good night on the phone (so bascially only talk once a day),no textes and we havent seen each other for 3 days already.

I did text him today saying that any baggage that I have recently brought into our relationship (me starting to feel really insecure and unattractive towards him) had stemmed from no intimacy and no communication as to why and also him seeming to be so annoyed by me lately over nothing... and that I will work on that as long has he works on the root of his issues.

He didnt text much back at all,just that we will be okay and he loves me.Hopefully,it's promising.

I seriously believe with all his issues,it's depression or low testosterone but this can't go on.

Thank you all

Hi i have depression and in order to give my self something to do i started looking into herbs and plants and there uses.

the wonderfull little thing about this is they have there uses for depression for example.

st johns wart a cheap over counter herbal rememdy is a safe, way to help depression, and just as affective as some anti depressants. Dont you take it if your on a hormonal contraception though but it should be ok for him.

there are alot of herbs out there for depression, give yourself a hobbie and look into it and find some usefull info out at the same time.