Thread: a little Help please

I feel a little silly asking this on here, but here goes. I am basically at the edge of reuniting with my ex of 2 years after an 8 month break -- an 8 month break where she had lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of guys -- and I did not - wasn't ready. My question is, she's told me about these other guys, and one night she started saying something that gave me the impression that she'd like me to just really "give it to her" like, just bend her over and BAM! Really hard and fast (that's the impression I got - maybe even puller her hair).

Because I was unsure how to react as she's much more experienced than I am in the sack, she immediately retracted that statement and refuses to admit that she'd like it that way. I think part of my reaction was that it was the first time we'd been together in months and months and suddenly she wants me to finish in her mouth, etc. -- which really caught me off guard, to the point of losing my erection -- because she's NEVER been that "naughty" before. I've tried to tell her numerous times that I feel a little intimidated by her experience and my lack thereof, but how can I get her to just be more open with me on this? I'd LOVE to give her what she wants, I guess I'm just not sure how to go about it? We talk dirty here and there, masterbate together, but I've just never been with a woman so adventurous and she really seems to know what she's doing. She turns me on like nobody ever before, but I do get the impression that she is not being as wild as she might like because I'm so naive and inexperienced and she doesn't want to feel as though I'm judging her.

Suggestions? Thanks!

Hallo and welcome

Firstly, forget the past... imagine that this is a new relationship. So, youre inexperienced and shes not - that doesnt matter, what matters is if you 'show' that you are inexperienced. Follow her lead, as long as youre comfortable... if shes talking dirty to you, talk a little dirtier back to her... if she wants to 'finish you off orally', then let her.... relish it, i imagine that a few men would love to be in youre situation.

I understand that its a bit crazy and wild for you, but as long as youre enjoying it, id roll with it... if youre really uncomfortable, tell her to slow down, tell her youve got all the time in the world to explore each other sexually. She then needs to understand, and if she doesnt - maybe she isnt right for you.

Good luck.

So you two were together for two years and then break up for eight months. Why did you break up?

And the first thing she did was go out and hump half the east side of town? Broseph, you can do better than her. I know you can.

But if you do find yourself with a woman with a great sexual appetite, and loves to do different things in bed... go for it. Study up on sexual techniques and oral sex. If you can learn (if you don't know how to already) how to go down on a woman properly... it's all good.

Slow and passionate is good, but hard and fast is soooo much better! But there's a time for each. When you're feeling more romantic with each other, slow it down. But when passion is running high and you two just need to... beat it up like it stole something.

And don't be afraid of her swallowing your load. If you've never experienced it, you're missin' out.

Just don't be afraid that you're not as sexually experienced as others. With great self-confidence and self-esteem, you can begin to attract all the women you want. It's just finding out what it is you want and figuring out how to obtain it.

OG

Miffed, I hear you on the forgetting the past. I'm trying to, but it's tough. And it's not that I'm not into any of this, I'd love to do all of it, but my initial reaction to all of it is what seems to have shut her down to all the wilder stuff. Trust me, I actually told her later that day that I've been wanted her to ask me to cum in her mouth for ages. But when I heard say it, it was the first time we'd been together in 2 months, and the immediate thought in my head was "OMG SHES BEEN LETTING RANDOM GUYS CUM IN HER MOUTH??!?!" and I was a little disgusted, she never did any of that before, and the pain of her being with all these other guys came rushing back.

The thing is that I just get the feeling that she's not being honest with me about how she'd like me to handle things in the bedroom. But I want to be everything she needs and wants and craves me to be in there. She's extremely sexual sometimes and not at all other times, she's extremely insecure about her body, even though it's perfection. I tell her this constantly, but she never gets over it, which is why (despite the fact that I've been told that I'm very good at oral) she rarely wants oral, as in never. Which kills me because she tastes incredible(tell her that too, likes hearing it, but still not interested)and her scent is intoxicating. She does fantisize about me doing it, but because she's so uncomfortable with me being down there, she never wants it. This is also the reason that she's NEVER gotten on top to ride me. I tell her everything that I can to try and help her feel comfortable, but I suppose it will just take more time, or it won't happen at all.

This is why all the confusion, every now and then, it's like I detect a hint of a sex-crazed woman and I get kind of excited, and then the rest of the time, she's kind of shy about everything. Very very inconsistent. I know that much of it is the pressure she's putting on herself to be "good" for me - like giving me oral, she's always afraid to do it because if I don't finish from her mouth, she thinks she's this horrible person or something. "Was that good?" -- since I'm so inexperienced and I'm not even sure I know what good head is, I always reply that it's great - because to me, it is. What's ridiculous, is that based on her sexual history, I'm also feeling pressure to perform. So there you have it. I'm starting to think we need to just shut up and F*CK!

Sounds like your lady friend is suffering from extremely low self-esteem. Before she can be truly comfortable doing things sexually with you, she has to be comfortable with herself. My ex-wife was the same way. She had no self-esteem, even though I continuously told her how much I loved her, how beautiful she was, and all that other "nice guy" stuff. The truth is, I had a set of balls but didn't know how to use them.

I was good in bed with her (and she was my first). I could go down like a champ and bang her 8 ways from Sunday. But she was steppin' out on me and I was too blinded by love to see it until it was way too late.

I think the best move you could do is to find another partner. I can only see yourself being set up for another heartache by getting back with this girl. The best way to figure out your sexual boundaries is to do it with a partner who's willing and comfortable to explore with you. And it's best that you're comfortable with that person as well. Otherwise you'll continue to be where you're at right now.

OG

I think it would be safe to assume that she will not be staying around on a perm. basis! Not because of anything you did or will do but because she has tasted the wild fruit and will begin to long for it again. That you can be assured of. If you are OK with her bailing on you eventually, then go for it, bang the sheet out of her. If you are looking for something perminent, look elsewhere as this girl will most likely not be content to be with one man for the rest of her life!

Good luck and have fun while you can I guess!

I'm with HYSTORM!!!!!!!!!! Go for it!!! Dude, you don't realize it now, but this is your DREAM GIRL!!!! Get with the program and be a man about it! Don't continue to give her this "I'm inexperienced" sort of talk. Step up to the plate here young man and gain your experience NOW!!! You can do things with this girl that probably 99% of the female population will NEVER let you get away with. DO IT!!!!!!

My fear is that if you don't get it while the getting is good, you'll live to regret it. This girl for whatever reason is a dynamo. PROTECT YOURSELF and have all the fun you want! If I were you, I doubt I'd plan on having this girl "long-term" though because I think she'll tire of you just like she has with the rest. But you can enjoy her today (if she's still around).

If you stay on your current track with her (acting inexperienced, and freaked out by her forwardness), she'll chew you up and spit you out in no time. This is why you have to man up and take control! Have a blast dude! It's a free gift!
Cheers 2x!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by confusedguy3657

So there you have it. I'm starting to think we need to just shut up and F*CK!

That's the most brilliant thing you've said so far.

Thanks fellas, I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I'm in a little deeper than this, I've gone to her shrink with her, it turns out she was molested when she was young, lot of messed up family stuff, her thing for guys is that she's always afraid she's going to be left, so she always leaves first, after using sex as a means to get attention, and lately she's been facing lots of these issues, which is part of the reason that I haven't just said "this chick is nuts" and been on my way, I'm the first person to ever really call her out on all her screwy behavior because I know there's a good person in there, just a very damaged one and I've gotten closer to her than any friend she's ever had. That's why it's not so simple as to keep screwing her and hawl , which would probably only add to her issues. Hope this doesn't rain on anybody's parade! Whether it she and I work out or not, I'm sometimes not even sure I worry about as much as just wanting her to figure her out so that she can have a more balanced life, with less garbage in it. But seriously, incredible in the sack, and so smoking, gorgeous, tall, blonde, great legs, perfect breasts, it's great. Oh well, guess I'll have to wait and see what happens. Thanks

Sounds like she has a lot of experience with sex but is terrified of intimacy.

I disagree with the idea that you need to "just f*ck her". It sounds to me like you need to make love to her.

When I say "make love" I mean stuff like this:

- Long, slow massages by candlelight.

- Sex in the missionary position, while maintaining eye contact the whole time.

- Saying the right words. For example, after a good lovemaking session, say something like, "No matter what happens between us, remember that I made sweet love to you." Another one is, "I feel so lucky just to be here with you, it means more to me then you'll ever know." But they need to be your words.

The bottom line is that there in an intangible element in the chemistry between any two people. The greatest risk a man can take is to open up his heart to a woman, having no idea where it will take him. It's the ultimate journey into the unknown, and one of the most beautiful things this life has to offer.

So, the question is, are you man enough to take that risk?

Good luck with this. I feel a Gordon Lightfoot song coming on...

Fear of intimacy, yes, I think you may be right, I'm trying to make her feel as safe as possible when we're together, that's something she has trouble with. It's like she thinks she's not "good enough" to be loved, or something along those lines.

And yes, I'm definitely man enough to take that risk, but at this point, or very soon hereafter, the real question will be, am I man enough or an idiot for trying, as she's burned me twice, but this time does seem very different, she's never taken such an introspective look at herself as she seems to have been doing over the past 6 or 8 weeks, so time will tell - I do feel like I'm doing the right thing.