Unsure beginner

**chippy** · 08-13-2008 05:21 AM

I'm 23, have my 2nd date on Thursday and really like this guy. I know it may be too soon to have sex but I have never had it before so if there is even the smallest of chances, I would like some pointers please.

Before, I spent some time with someone and we did the whole foreplay bit but then I freaked. It was very embarrassing and I don't want a repeat experience.

Not even sure what to ask...I've never had an orgasm that I know of, suffer from anxiety and just want to do something normal people do. (I know that makes me sound like someone out for sex but I mean in the way that I want to date and have fun etc).

Please help. Any advice welcome.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-13-2008 05:30 AM

Originally Posted by chippy

I'm 23, have my 2nd date on Thursday and really like this guy. I know it may be too soon to have sex but I have never had it before so if there is even the smallest of chances, I would like some pointers please.

Before, I spent some time with someone and we did the whole foreplay bit but then I freaked. It was very embarrassing and I don't want a repeat experience.

Not even sure what to ask...I've never had an orgasm that I know of, suffer from anxiety and just want to do something normal people do. (I know that makes me sound like someone out for sex but I mean in the way that I want to date and have fun etc).

Please help. Any advice welcome.

Hi chippy firstly welcome to the Forum.. Secondly, it's refreshing when people say, "Any advice welcome" it means your open minded to discussion and you want to way things up properly.

Forget your age, or what you haven't experienced yet as you can do what ever you want and learn what ever you want when you find someone you "WANT" to be with and him you... Go to town and learn together.

Second date? Don't do anything... I know it's sounds tough as you think "he expects something" but he doesn't... He will from someone "easy" nothing to do with your age.

Kiss him if you like him and show your passion but hold back for the moment. It is obvious you are ready and want to experience and explore and that's perfectly alright... But hold of a couple more dates because just because you want to feel what it's like, he could actually be what you want, so holding off shows him who you are. I am sure he is not a Virgin and when you do, what a couple more weeks, let him lead.

By that stage you would be able to converse with him (not before)that you haven't... and he will know how to lead i am sure.

What I don't want you to do, is to find out you liked him but he was seeing if he could be the first, unless that's what you are after.

If so, no problems either, say so and people will advise you on what they think may help..

If not, and you just think he will expect, then hang about a bit longer, you've got nothing at all to loose.

CW

**owlhunter** · 08-13-2008 01:59 PM

CW gives sage advice!

**shweedart** · 08-14-2008 04:16 AM

...What chandlers wish said!
I might try race her to threads so I can have my input before she gives all of the good advice and leaves us with nothing to say

her worldly wisdom

One thing I will say
'you've never had an orgasm, not that I know of anyway'
or something like that? If you'd had an orgasm I'm pretty sure you'd know

**shweedart** · 08-14-2008 04:17 AM

'I've never had..' my mistake

**chippy** · 08-14-2008 08:09 AM

Thanks for the advice...I will bear it all in mind. Am very anxious as the date is tonight and it's a meal with his parents followed by a film. We've been chatting loads on facebook and text messages so in a way, it's almost like we're a couple already...does this sound daft? On the plus side, he's offered to hold my hand when I go in to protect me from the dog (I'm terrified of them). Not sure where tonight will lead.

**Livelaughlove** · 08-14-2008 08:42 AM

From a man's perspective.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Second date? Don't do anything... I know it's sounds tough as you think "he expects something" but he doesn't... He will from someone "easy" nothing to do with your age.

I agree. However keep progressing. Give him a big hug when you meet him. Wrap your arms around him and try to touch your bob. Tell him to do the same its a fun game and gives a really good hug.

It breaks the entire touch barrier so you too don't feel so nervous holding hands.

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Kiss him if you like him and show your passion but hold back for the moment. It is obvious you are ready and want to experience and explore and that's perfectly alright... But hold of a couple more dates because just because you want to feel what it's like, he could actually be what you want, so holding off shows him who you are. I am sure he is not a Virgin and when you do, what a couple more weeks, let him lead.

I think this is bad. I understand that waiting longer before you give him sex is crucial for a young lady to think a man will respect you more but a couple of weeks is too long. If he has other options he will not wait that long. If he doesn't then he will wait a year.

I'm not telling you to sleep with him on the first or even 5 date. What I am telling you is that you should constantly be progressing with slight breaks in the road.

For example. If you place a string in front of a cat it will get bored and leave. If you dangle the string above his head he will stay there for hours try to get at it.

Treat a man the same.

hope this helps

Live laugh and love

**owlhunter** · 08-14-2008 11:23 AM

I recommen that you do not have sex with him until you feel you are ready and comfortanle with the whole idea. Or at least as comfortable as anyone can be in that sort of situation.

Don't let anyone else tell you when you should have sex with him. and I'm NOT talking about morals, just about the self respect you have to have for yourself.

If he drops you becuase you wont have sex with him as quickly as he wants then you are better off without him.

just to make it clear, I'm a guy and old enough to be your father (gradnfather if you push a little) so I grew up in a different era. but it was the 60's/70's when things were supposed to be pretty swinging.

I wish you success. Boy, dinner with parents, that's a real bummer for a first date. Can we have a report after the date??

C · 08-14-2008 12:33 PM

Sex is not that big of a thing...It is what you as a woman are making it...You could accomplish this fete and think "is that all there is"...Sex is two people who love...Without it...I do not know it....It would be some strange happening....I am older...But saying this I am younger....I have had many years of sexual love...Yet despite the fact that I have said many times I am perfection in a woman, this has come with many years of sexual joy..This did not happen overnight....There is nothing about me as a woman that I would not do for my man but this takes time...What you are trying to learn in a one night stand does not happen...Don't expect the stars to burst because they won't.....It must be a part of you as a woman that opens up....This will not happen with the penetration of man...Don't expect it...Don't expect him to say wonderful words as it would sound like a line...Don't do this act because you feel it is time and you are growing older...Do this when your legs want to open with your heart to him,...Do this when the quivering inside of you cannot be stopped unless he eats you...Do this when sucking his c**k is not enough and you beg for him to enter you...Do this when this man holds the key to your soul through your body....Then my dear you will be ready....

My best wishes for one of the biggest happening in your life...May you find a bit of what I have found in this erotic power of love....Just a bit will take you to heaven...Take care, Caroline

**flylady263** · 08-14-2008 02:15 PM

Chippy,

I know your getting alot of advice here. Don't feel like you need to give him sex because he might go elsewhere. Go for it when you feel ready & what to experience that with him. My boyfriend waited over 3 months for me to be ready & I guarantee he didn't go elsewhere. The first time is an amazing experience - wait for what feels right to you.

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