So my story is kinda long, but i will try to keep it short. Well first of all, I guess it all started 1.5 yrs ago. My husband cheated on me. There wasnt a relationship established, he went to a "place." Anyway, I obviously had feeling about that, betrayal, resentment, and much more. However I made the choice to stay with him, unless it happened again. SO far we are doing realy good. He has done everything to regain my trust in him again.
One of the things that happened, was he started chatting online with random people, cyber sex, dirty emails. I found that out. We decided to get rid of internet so we could once again regain our relationship.
So now, me I have internet at work, so for some reason, I started chatting too. Part of it was unconciously getting back at him, curious why he got so addicted to it. So then I was kinda addicted. I only did cyber sex once, never again. Felt to much like him when he cheated on me.
Another thing is that we are both attracted to other people in our town. I think my case is more serious. I feel like Im more attracted to this other person than my husband now. He knows this, but I think its affecting my sex drive for my husband. I do not want this other person to know, would just make things more difficult. Now I dont know how to start getting attracted to my husband again. We started having great sex back in february. After being married for almost three years. But now the orgasms are getting more dull. Still having them, but just not as exciting as back in February.
Does anyone have any ideas, or suggestions? I love my husband very much. Sorry this was so long. I tried to keep it short

You are both definately missing something together as a couple.

You could easily say that it "must" be sex... It must have been cut off or very low before, hense why he did what he did, but then you regained that to a degree and then off you go and do what you did..

But, loving someone and "being in love" are two totally different things.

It's obvious that you feel that you love him, but if you were "in-love" with him you certainly wouldn't be attracted to another guy and enjoyed the Cyber Sex, and conversations you have/were having, nor him.

Perhaps you married as great friends with out a true bond, and your trying to have great sex, to compensate but that's only part of bonding, it's not all.

If you both think you "had it" before all of this then you have to create adventure, spontenaity and lust back into your lives, as well as fun and laughter to make it all work for you.

Sex is such a major part but as I said, it's not "the" only part of a successful marriage.

Sit down with each other and ask each other what is "really" missing in your relationship and discuss openly of what each other is missing and see if you can work through that.

You've both done wrong now so you can't be upset with him anymore, it's make or break time I think.

CW

Well I do agree with you when you say that I cant be upset with him anymore. And Im not. However, I still think about the reason why he cheated on me in the first place. Even though I wasnt having orgasms from the time when we got married till february, we still had sex regularly. So when you say this,
"You could easily say that it "must" be sex... It must have been cut off or very low before, hense why he did what he did."
I dont believe that to be true. So still confused on that. I've asked him before, and she says he doesnt really know. We had sex, he was attracted to me. I know he has a hard time telling me how he really feels at times, and that he feels pretty affected by something. A guy thing, well for a lot of guys, is to not communicate well.
I guess I really need to focus on him, and try to not let my mind/thinking get the better of me.
Before he told me that he was unfaithful, I had thoughts that I felt like we had more of a friendship relationship than a sexual one. We were both virgins when we were married, so the sexual lust was obviously there at first.
Thank you for your response, Im taking it to heart.

That is what I am saying...It is easy for someone to "assume" that this is the reason... As in past threads, people go straight for "That's the reason" I am saying it's easy to assume this but not always the reason...

Seems I am right in as much as you also don't believe that to be the reason...

Well communication is difficult for guys sometimes i think, but a major key to a marriage... Whilst difficult good for you to try to go down this path and he is sort of communicating his feelings. Just can't get it all out yet.

Also, you both may have been young Virgins... Sometimes it's hard too as it takes time to get to know each other's bodies... You mention you only just started having orgasms in February... It takes time... Perhaps it's time to explore each other more, seems maybe you both are eager also to find out more about life in this direction... As you should.

CW

Not to be rude, but please pardon my direct-ness. I'm going to be blunt.

What are you doing? I think you're both crazy. I think you guys are done and what you need is a divorce.

Sorry, but that's my opinion. When one person messes around on the other, that's a shame, and it's many times unforgiveable, but you chose to live with it anyway. Now, you're going to perpetuate the same garbage on him, but right under his nose. I think your marriage is over.

Cheers.

I dont mind your being blunt. I think a lot of people would agree with you. However I strongly believe that two people who have both made mistakes can reconcile and end up having 50 great years together. We are both firm believers of not getting a divorce. I do disagree with the statement, "Now, you're going to perpetuate the same garbage on him, but right under his nose." He knows what Ive done, only the chatting, I've not cheated on him. So I dont feel that statement is true. And yes, we've both stopped all of that.

Oh by the way C.W. we are going on vacation for two weeks. I think that will really help us to recconect.