Not all the time but more often than I prefer to admit.

Hi I'm Clara I'm turning 25 this year. I am an international Fashion model who has a sexy look like Bridget Hall, but I never want sex.

I lost my virginity at 14 to a boyfriend who waited for me for 3 months before we did it. It wasn't really romantic but I felt like I had waited long enough. I then spent the next two years having sex like crazy but only with boyfriends that were loving and caring. Oh and I had been masterbating since a very young age fairly frequently so my poor boyfriends had a hard time giving me orgasms but i didn't mind. That of course is well under control now .

Anyways I am here in sort of a desperate cry for help or understanding, because I really don't ever have a drive for sex. I like dressing sexy and men fall at my feet in clubs but I never have any desire. I think it started really being a problem at 17. My mom died when I was 16 and I feel like I really don't have anyone to talk about boy problems with since she went I'm not sure that is part of the problem but here is the real breakdown.

I have had all types of boyfriends and hot flings. Everything from blue collar average looking guys to bad boys, gorgeous male models, to millionares. I generally have this problem with all of them.

Recently It has gotten a lot worse. I dread waking up in the mornings to them trying o have morning sex with me. I am disgusted when they grab my hands and place them on their um areas when I am not in the mood (infact I have always hated morning sex), if they try to roll on top of me and kiss me and I can feel a hard on I start to get panicked.... I want to throw them off of me. I will always make excuses and even aviod coming to bed while they are still awake because I don't want to have sex. I will sometimes let them anyways because I know it's me being unusual and they never know this but sometimes I'm even crying a bit at the start.

But here's the weird part once I am about 5 minutes into it I can start to enjoy it. Or if they go down on me for a while first. I relax. Once I relax it's ok. I am very good in bed and tend to really enjoy myself once I loosen up a bit. I truely love sex and have explored it a lot once I am comfortable. But imagining dating a guy that wants sex 2 times a day is like a small nightmare for me. I feel like I'm standing at the edge of cliff looking into the grand canyon or something. It just feels helpless and overwhelming.

Some more information before I wrap this up. Trying to keep it short but it's really hard with problems that seem to have a lot of roots.


Left to my own devices I masturbate like once a month.
I am bisexual but dislike butch women and generally have disinterest in most others.
I had a bit of sexual trauma in my family when I was young but it didn't hapen to me. But my father was resposible for it I guess.
I feel like a normal person and happy and all but when I am PMSing or having symptoms of depression men find me near impossible to deal with.



What can I do??? I really want to learn to have a sex drive. Not really for myself (although yeah sure great I suppose ) I want it more for having a healthy sex life in my relationships... it feels terrible turning a guy I like down over and over cause I feel panicked and traumatised. I always feel like they are pouncing on me. But when I tell them that it hurts their feelings which in turn makes me feel even more terrible about everything and I often end up crying but alone somewhere hiding so as not to add anymore drama to the situation i'll say "honey I'm gonna take a shower" and then I just cry in the shower... It's awful.

Please help with any advice you might have. Sorry this is so long winded.

(This from a guy). You might find that if you have a relationship with someome first, and sex later that it might seem more fun and natural. You have a disadvantage that you are gorgeous - so many men will just see you as an object of lust. But not all will.

Maybe try dressing in a non-alluring fashion. (I'm a guy, please give me a break on discussing womens clothes ). Not ugly, but dress to not show off what you've got. It might make it easier to meet men who really like you for things other than your apperance - and then someday - after you have had a relationship for a while - you can surprise them with how hot you can be.

A student of mine had something of this problem. She was absolutely gorgeous - and many people couldn't see through that and recognize her talents (which she had). For my part I got really tired of the "nudge nudge, wink wink" from coworkers about her - and told them so.

thanx for the response rcoreyus.

I generally don't dress too sexy. I mean I love clothes and i guess i dress sexy but always tastefully so. Women shouldn't have to wear snowsuits to attract decent men.

I usually try to date men that are very intelligent or funny and don't always go for looks.

Maybe it's because I'm seeking the guy you are talking about.

I dread the idea of a guy dating me just because I'm a model or whatever. (even though it IS human nature that we are attracted to physically beautiful people blah blah)

I find that most men won't wait for a girl though. They expect sex by the fourth or fifth date it seems mostly.

I did make a guy wait for 3 weeks or so ...of seeing him everyday an being his girlfriend basically. We went and got tested together and did everything by the books basically and he ended up being a guy with a super high sex drive wanting it like 5+ times a day and I couldn't keep up. We would fight about it kinda and i just withdrew further.

I just don't know any guy that would wait a few months unless the girl he is waiting for is a virgin or something.

but you do have a point... i need to find someone willing to be patient with me. It's just difficult.

i also tend to just be bored with sex (not the person I usually love them to pieces!) after i've been in a relationship with someone having sex for 2 months or so.. i feel like whenever they want it i'm thinking "oh god AGAIN? why? what's the big deal?" or "how can i get out of this one"

is it possible that my libido just has like 4 flat tires? at 25?

this sucks

Snowsuits can look kind of nice .

As far as dressing sexy - I think women can wear whatever they want, but it can attract the wrong sort of attention. If you are surounded by men who are attracted to you physically, it will be tougher to spot the ones who like you as a person.

I'm not suggesting wearing a sack (though you might look good in that too), but just trying not to send the wrong message.

Some men will wait, and some are happy with less frequent sex. Desire for sex seems to vary a lot (for both men and women), some people want it more than once a day, others are happy with once a month - I think couples are happier if their levels of desire match.

You know, it is most likely just the city you are living in.
Have you lived in other cities, etc and tried out other regions of men?

East and West coast men (assuming you are in the lace w:st="on">USlace>) tend to be totally geared for sex and nothing more. It’s just the way they were raised, around the guys they hung with, etc.

I grew up with a guy my same age, who was a total hottie to women. (come on, even a guy can see another guy and know if he is a hunk or not)
He had every girl he ever wanted. Had some of the best sex of any of us to the point of complete loss of interest as he was sexed out. He ended up turning gay as it was a new frontier for him as sex with women had become old and boring, been there-done that kind of thing.

I recently ran into him a month or so ago. He was happily married to a gal with 2 kids.

It all comes done to your attitude and your life-style. Maybe its time to take a break from sex period! Then, don't do it again until you are ready to get married, etc. You may find a whole new chapter opens in your heart.

Best of luck.

I dont think your outfit has much to do with the men you are attracting. If you are an actual model and not one of those hand models then I'm assuming you project a certain aura about you that men find sexy and seductive.

I understand your frustration. My ex was a sports illustrated swimsuit model and she said she had the same issues as you.

The fact is the reason you find men's advances as unattractive is because you may subconsciously see them as insincere. After all if a man whats to buy you dinner he is not buying you dinner to feed you he is buying you dinner as a payment of spending some of your precious time with him.

Models, businessmen and badboys... Men in general dont take the time to understand how to treat and seduce women properly. Because of your beauty you may have some deep insecurity that men only like you for your looks. That is unsettling to you because you THINK that when you get older a men wont stay with you because there will be a younger more attractive female that will get his attention. Causing you the unsettling feeling of giving yourself to him on the beginning stages of sex such as foreplay or him having a trouser tent.

I'm betting that if you ask some of you past partners about characteristics in which they find attractive in you that 90% of them will mention your looks. A good way to get rid of this is ask a guy that your on a date with "What are 3 things you find attractive about me besides my looks" You will see the effect this has on you. Because it tells your subconscious to relax around this man because he has a genuine attraction towards you instead of a empty pit of lust.

Raise your standards. Wealth and success are not the only indications of higher value males.

It does take some time to find the man that you find as perfect. There are men out there that understand how to seduce and make a women feel special. Keep looking

BTW. Ask the right questions when talking to men and you will find what you are looking for. That daunting thought of sex will no longer be motivated by an unsettling insecurity of connection, but will be driven thought of a genuine connection.

Hope this helps

Live laugh and love