i don't know what to do

**justlikeheaven** · 08-26-2008 06:35 AM

i've been seeing this guy since january, but he's not officially my bf. we've been talking on & off, and all we do is hook up. he recently told me he wants to have sex. i'm a virgin, and he's believed to be somewhat experienced. i gave him head & he fingered me but thats about as far as it went. should i have sex with him even if we're not dating & sometimes don't talk for days? i really like him but i'm not sure if he likes me as much. i mean i want to have sex with him, i want him to be my first, but do i want it to be while we're not even dating? i'm open to all opinions

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 08-26-2008 06:55 AM

You're asking us what you want... Which we cannot really answer. How old are you? Do you feel that sex has to be part of a stable and committed relationship? Or do you just want to have sex? Whatever anyone else says, this is a decision that only you can make. Would you be comfortable with the idea of him having sex with you and not phoning you every day afterwards?

What do you want it to mean to you?

If you just want to have sex, the go for it. If you want your first time to be in a loving relationship and be meaningful, then perhaps don't. Only you know the answer.

My default advice would be to jump into bed, but then, I'm a guy so what do I know?

**sourpuss** · 08-26-2008 06:56 AM

If you are putting any kind of importance on him 'being your first' and you like him more than just someone to hook up with, then I would be worried that you'd be hurt afterwards and have regrets. If you don't mind that your first is with someone who's just there for sex then it's really up to whether or not you feel like it.
Are you thinking that if you have sex with him that hopefully he'll feel the same way you do? Because there's a 99% chance that's not going to happen, so be careful.

**Muskitos** · 08-26-2008 07:02 AM

The answer is in your question. You would like him to be the first, but the circumstances of your current relationship with him are not the way you want them to be.

How about talking to him about this? Can you explain to him, exactly what you said in your post? You might find out his expectations may be quite different from yours.

Your first time should be very special and you do not feel all that special to him for the moment. That is if I read you correctly.

Once you know how he feels about this relationship, you still can decide either way.

It does not look "right" but you know that already, hence your question.

Good luck!

**silvertae** · 08-26-2008 01:56 PM

Doesn't sound like the ideal situation to me, unless you're a girl that doesn't mind having her first time be with someone who doesn't really care about her...cause that's what this sounds like. Don't fool yourself into thinking that having sex with him might make him feel more for you afterward. Not gonna happen. It sounds like you want to have sex with someone who cares as much about you as you do about them. I say wait for someone better.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-29-2008 03:19 PM

Obviously, these above answers which are very good and all from different perspectives aren't exactly what you want, or else you wouldn't start a new thread identical.

So is there another question you want to throw in there?

Because it is your choice.

If you want to be used and / or just have sex only then do it.

If you want someone special for it to be your first time with that stays with you and is your boyfriend, don't do it.

If he wanted to be your boyfriend, he would spend a lot more time with you and say "i want you to be my girlfriend" then discuss sex with you later once you've been going out for a while, not ask you straight out for sex and him being your first.

Guys love to be the first, not all guys persay, but some, it's a challenge.

Ask yourself what you want out of this and you will have the answer you are looking for, unless it's to attract him to be with you as your boyfriend, i can't see that having sex with a guy ever makes him say great, well know I'll go out with you cause you put out.

CW

**justlikeheaven** · 08-29-2008 08:06 PM

the thing is, i don't know what i want.
i do want to have sex with him but then again i don't.

the reason i started a new thread is cause i needed more opinions.
i agree, they're very good answers & i value them.
i guess it is up to me but i think i just need a little guidance.

on sunday, i gave him head for the first time. he hasn't tried to talk to me since.
i'm the one who has to call/message/start a conversation and everytime i talk to him he replies with little words or "i don't know" and whenever i ask him to hangout, he says he's busy.

sounds like an right?
yeah, he is. but whenever i'm with him i'm happy.
is that right?

my friends think i'm and a because i did stuff with him while we're not dating.
they ask me why i did it and i said i wanted to. which i did. i want to be with him & i like how we are together.

i just have one question..is it possible to love someone when you know you really shouldn't/couldn't?

i recently went on vacation and was disturbed by this question so much that i actually had to go home a few days early.

i need help, i just don't know with what exactly.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-29-2008 08:53 PM

I know why you started the other thead, hense why I wrote under this one to bring it back up for you.

All you have to do is thank the posters so far for what they have written and say what you just did, and other's will see the thread and reply

Hard when your new...

When we are young, we are ripe and ready for the picking but we are women, so we want "courtship / mating " and get confused when paid attention to, and so we focus on that attention from "that guy" we want him, almost to the point we're prepared to do anything and we think that we will get him, right?

If you gave him a bj, and he has been ignorant and ignored you, he's being a guy, like i said in my previous post (getting what he can ) with no thinking of you what so ever and if you sleep with him, he will also ignore you, he got what he wanted.

Guys can be friends with a girl and "hang out" and enjoy their time as a "person" but it doesn't mean he wants anything more, "emotionally" this guy just wants sex if you will give it to him...

Save yourself for someone worthy please... You don't need to wake up tomorrow crying because he used you do you?

Let me ask you a question...

Is it possible to be young and "really want someone to want you" hang out, hold hands, kiss, say he's mine?

That's every teenager's dream.

Your picking the wrong guy that's all...

Your friends are right... "Why did you do that?" you did it for him, because you hope as i said, he would turn around and be yours after, if he hasn't over that, you know he's not going to if you go further.

Hold off, my honest opinion is don't give him YOU, all that you are, a Virgin he will just have another notch in his belt, it will not change things..

Hang out with your girlfriends, don't give guys "favours" to get their attention, they actually respect those who don't and eventually it's that girl that EVERY guy wants, trust me, EVERY ONE, so you can then have your pick of who you want to go out with, and hold hands, etc,etc,

CW

**justlikeheaven** · 08-29-2008 10:02 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Let me ask you a question...

Is it possible to be young and "really want someone to want you" hang out, hold hands, kiss, say he's mine?

of courseee. that's all i've been looking for, for a while now. and i thought i found it in him. we always hung out, we played video games, and i know guys like that & he likes the fact that i'm down for it. and he also did stuff for me. i wanted to go for a walk, but he didnt want to but that was what i wanted to do, and i know it's a silly little thing, but he came for that walk in almost below freezing, just to be with me & we talked the whole time.

there are certain days when we hang out that seem so perfect, that i almost forget that we're not together & that i may just be "some girl"
and sometimes i want to be with him so bad, but i avoid him cause i know that he's possibly using me. but i just can't stop feeling what i feel for him.

another question..

how do you forget about someone like that? someone who was your first real kiss, first intimate experience, first "relationship" ? what are some things i can do to forget about going any further, relationship wise? because he has told me he wants me to be his girlfriend, he just hasnt made it official.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-29-2008 10:21 PM

justlikeheaven
how do you forget about someone like that? someone who was your first real kiss, first intimate experience, first "relationship" ? what are some things i can do to forget about going any further, relationship wise? because he has told me he wants me to be his girlfriend, he just hasnt made it official.

You never do...

It's one to treasure and remember for the rest of your life, it's special in itself. The ones you "forget" are the "mistakes" where you go sugar, I wish I didn't do that, he used me... If he has said he wants to be your boyfriend but hasn't made it official. Hold out and wait until he makes it official... Then hold out a bit longer like a few weeks to see if he hangs about, in-other-words fib a bit so you can be sure, and just say, "I'm just not quite ready to give away my Virginity, I'm open to it though but I just want to wait a few months"... See if he makes you his girl anway.

should i have sex with him even if we're not dating & sometimes don't talk for days? i really like him but i'm not sure if he likes me as much. i mean i want to have sex with him, i want him to be my first, but do i want it to be while we're not even dating?

I guess cause I'm "older" and been there done that, I'm not being like a Mum,

so don't get me wrong, but "your not really sure" if he does like you that much in "that" way, or whether he is "using words" to get what he wants.

If you want him to be your first, that's because he was your first intimate encounter and that's natural, but I guess I just think if a guy loves a girl he'll hold a bit it's not that important as he doesn't want to lose her.

A guy that is thinking she's almost there, and uses "trickery" with words to get it can break your heart.

Do you REALLY have anything to lose by waiting a few months and test him?

CW

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