fighting sisters- PLEASE HELP!!!!

[janemma]

I am the mom of 3 girls. Janelle is almost 8, Emma is 6 and Paige is 3. The girls can't seem to get along for 5 minutes. Janelle and Emma are constantly at it, where Paige does get involved but not as much. I have tried time outs, taking away tv privileges, I have talked to them, I have spanked them. I just can't take it anymore. Janelle and Emma are getting quite physical in their fights to the point where they are going to seriously hurt each other. I can't even leave the room without them fighting. I can't trust them alone for 10 minutes to have a shower. I feel like I am going to have a breakdown if it doesn't stop. Does anyone have any advice?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sounds like they are competing against each other.

Is it attention?

Do they receive the same clothes, same gifts, or one wears hand me downs and the gifts are the same, but maybe different colours.

Equality, can sometimes make two little girls be best friends..

Buy the three of them the same doll with the same clothes, and sit with them and play a game with all of them that they can all play together, start getting them to see each other on equal terms.

CW

[janemma]

I don't feel it is an attention thing but I could be wrong. My girls are treated equally and get the equal amount of toys, clothes and attention. The oldest two just can't seem to get along. They just can't seem to be in the same room together without it turning into a big fight.

[HURT&CONFUSED]

I have 2 neices ages 7 and 10. The 7 yr old wants to do everything the 10yr old does because she looks up to her big sister. My sister and I are 10 yrs apart so we had similar issues but the age gap was much larger so she got stuck raising me. The point is this, they do love each other but it can be overwhelming. What I do with my nieces is take the oldest one and explain that I need her help because she is older and needs to be the example for the younger one. I give her what I call big girl tasks to help Auntie and it makes her have more patience for the younger one. Now with three it is trickier. You then have to make the middle child feel the same about the youngest so they are all helping each other and all feel as though they each have important adult like responsibilites. I do special things with both of my nieces separately so they each have alone time. I am sure with 3 again it will be harder but it works trust me. Its like reverse physcology but on their level and everyone feels important. Hope it helps.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I don't feel it is an attention thing but I could be wrong. My girls are treated equally and get the equal amount of toys, clothes and attention. The oldest two just can't seem to get along. They just can't seem to be in the same room together without it turning into a big fight.

I guess what I am trying to ascertain is, does the younger one get the older ones clothes for instance, when she outgrows them which is natural, but only gets new clothes on special occasions, where as you have to purchase the older one new clothes more as she outgrows them.

Sounds stup1d granted, but as far as "jealousy" and "she is more loved" goes, little ones think that way.

I always get the left overs, she gets everything new.

Just a question, because I received all the old furniture whilst my brother received new wardrobes etc, and I was peeved as, as a child, all I ever got was left overs, he was 2 years older than me and so, it made a real rift between us.

CW

[julz6769]

I too have three girls, 7,6 and 13 months. My older two have been battling for a couple of years now. Like you, I can't leave the room without them jumping on each other. A lot of it starts with my oldest girl. She is very "spunky" if ya know what I mean. Extreme tantrums, constant defiance with getting ready for School, teeth, hair etc... We've tried everything! They each have their own room now, so I try make it a rule that if a fight starts they go straight to their rooms to settle down. My middle girl goes easily, my oldest fights it until I threaten her with a spatula on the butt. I see that your post is from a while ago, but if you ever see this just know you are not alone. I'd love to hear how it's working out now? Any suggestions? Hang in there!

[Ahryin]

I have two girls 8 ( who believes she is around 14 and is like my mother reincarnated except my mother is still here) and 3 ( who swears she is 8) They fight like NOTHING I have ever seen...then when they are away from each other want nothing else but to be by each others side. The 8yr old takes a lot of responsibility for the 3yr old which the 3yr old does not appreciate. The 3yr old believes she can beat any and everyone and has NO clue what fear is....at all. She is the type that will size you up and if she thinks she can't hit you and knock you down she is going to go and get something to hit you with that will knock you down (I am NOT exaggerating..I've actually witnessed this...she is well beyond her years) So I started reversing the situation. Instead of seperating them I make them sit infront of me no matter where I am and hug or hold hands. Then I make them tell each other what it is they like about each other, doesn't matter how little it is depending on the fight is how many things they have to come up with. I also schedule time for them to do things that are fun together to create bonding and fun memories. Like kids yoga (just got a dvd) ...it helps them center themselves..they spend a lot of time laughing at each other falling trying to do the positions and hey laughing isn't fighting!

[possums]

I've had this suggested to me, and it worked for my 3.

try making them (when you catch them fighting) going to their rooms for 5mins and then when they come out they have to give eachother a cuddle and kiss before they can go on playing. It makes my kids go into a fit of giggles. If they won't cuddle and kiss make them go back to their rooms until they are willing.

[3girlmom]

I think these are all great suggestions for little girls, and possums tactic worked well for me too. But now that my girls (10,12 &14) are a little older, hormones have started to wreak havoc in our house. There is just no reasoning with them, and punishments have not helped. Any little thing sets them off. There is definitely rivalry for my attention, but (as a youngest child who got ALL the hand-me-downs) I've always strived to treat them equally. Any suggestions?
PS- They do not fight around their Dad, as he simply punishes everyone for everything, with no room for discussion. But I hate to take that route, fearing it may prevent them from coming to me with problems they encounter in life.