Friends have created a brat!

[sourpuss]

Help! My good friends did a 180 when they had kid!
They went from totally rational, fun people who I really enjoyed being around to the doting parents who bend at their kids every whim. There is no discipline, no order and the kid completely rules the roost.

Spending an evening with them is a HUGE emotional investment. It takes every ounce of energy I have to spend just a couple of hours with them. The kid runs around and gets in to everything and screams for attention the entire time. I can't carry on a conversation with either one without being interrupted at least 10 times. If the kid whines and holds out his hands, his mother instantly reaches for everything in sight to appease him. (even if it's a $500 camera) There are no rule or boundaries except that there are no rules or boundaries.

I dread spending time with them.....and she's pregnant again.

I know it's out of line to tell someone you don't agree with their parenting style, but their actions are creating a complete BRAT. He is a happy and smart kid and has the potential to be very good, but they are ruining him.

How do I nicely tell them that spending time with them is too stressful. I'm very busy and have a lot on my plate. A visit with them takes the better part of a day, I spend the hour before I go over just trying to calm down and prepare myself for the chaos and another hour or two when I get home trying to destress.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Dunno how you could really say it without them being offended - well, it's impossible, so you might as well not worry about that - it's out of your control. It probably is worth telling them that they're messing up though, mention what an attention their kid is and how they always get their way, how that's draining, and how it'll make them really annoying as an adult.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It would be, i agree, excepting that my Mother had a friend for years and years, and one day she got pregnant.

Firstly, her husband cheated on her, so that was an ordeal and my Mother was there by her side, they used to play basketball, umpire together so did both the spouses, so it was a weekly event and after they would go to one or the other's home and have dinner, a drink... They even came on holidays with us, kind of "Aunty" Chris...

As we got older, it was more like "sister" than adopted Aunty.

But as the child started growing up, "Chris" would give him everything he wanted..her husband didn't quite agree, and my Mother "voiced" her opinion over and over of her dis-agreement.. It made it difficult to visit, because it was annyoing and they couldn't have "me time".

In the end "Chris" just simply stopped calling my Mother. Just like that. Their friendship departed. I think they had 17 years between them..

The boy left home and went to my Father's work asking if he could use the bathroom, kitchen and sleep in the loft..

That was around 20 years ago and they still haven't spoken. My Mother sent Christmas Cards to start with, they passed each other at shops and civilly said "hello" but that was it.

My Mother was asking what did I do wrong. All I could say was "Mum, it's her choice her child, you kept interfering telling her how to raise him"...

If you value your friendship you have to butt out, and possibly go less and use excuses for that, and find another way of communication, via Internet or phone to make up for those times, until that child is older, or you will possibly end up like my Mother did, without her "best friend"..

CW

[miffed23]

I feel for you and completely understand where you are coming from... my sisters children are very similar...spending time with them all is a chore and she is my sister. The only difference is that my sister tries and will tell them to stop interrupting, but shes too soft in her approach.

I have to agree with anon and CW, i dont think you can really say anything... might be worth a try to tell the child yourself (may also be a complete disator!!) Next time he interupts you, tell him that youre trying to have a conversation with his mummy right now, do it with a sickly smile on your face but open your eyes a bit wider when you look at him, as if to say 'shut the he*l up' with your eyes!!

[scmomof2]

My best friend has a son who is the same age as my son thats really how we became friends and for over a year now I've noticed how anything he wants he gets ie.. different meals flat screen tvs gameboys wii's that sort of thing. my husband and I make more money then they do by far. and both of our children have to work for everything they want and even then they don't get all they want because if you give them what they want all the time life will be filled with disappointment. The best way to say something with out saying anything at all is threw the kids If the are at you house running and screaming stop them nicely and say I don't allow that in my house. your friend will pick up on it soon enough and also suggest times when the kids are not around like lunch or coffee before work. and slip hints at that time like how its nice to have quiet time again unless your friend is clueless she will get it. But remember when they are at your house its your rules regardless of whos mom.

[Joy]

Its really hard to tell people how to parent especially if you do not have kids of your own. Your friend is in for an eye opener once she has the second and the first hits the terrible two's and never gets out of it. The second one will pick up on how the first one behaves lol.

My 3 yr old neice has been allowed to play with the dig camera's since she was 2 and well she can run a dig camera and a computer better than some adults. She is very smart and now her mom is just realzing she has a lil bully on her hands. She has her work cut out for her before school hits