Her words are, "I don't like sex anymore, I think its just disgusting now.."
She keeps on telling me it is probably just a phase, but I think its me because I kept on nagging at her about not hanging out with me anymore... She doesn't kiss me the way she use to, it went to just the lips, and when we watched a movie, she didn't cuddle as much.. She wants to hang out with a friend of her's which is a guy a lot more when im around... She knows he likes her, and she told me when we first started going out that she had no interest in him... I don't think they are doing it... but I don't know what to do, I asked her to promise me that I'm not the reason why she hates sex and she just tells me to chill
What should i do??
What do you guys think of this?
Also forgot to add to this, she doesn't kiss, she gives hugs, i have to push for the kissing..
Is she still at College? One and a half hours away?
So, if so is she hanging out with you watching movies on the weekend when this occurs, like what does she do when she comes back to town for that whole period of time and how much of that time does she spend with you.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Conversation
Me, Her, Her Friend - John [HF]
Her: I dont want to have sex anymore, I think its disgusting
Me: ...what?? what do you mean
Her: I told John and he was like, "Who is this? Is this the right person I'm talking to?" (Like this is totally different of her)
Me: Umm... Okay...
Her: I think its just a phase, dont worry about it...
Later, Now we are texting
Me: So is this why you don't want to come over or for me to sleep over anymore?
Her: No, Cause i know you'll respect my decision
Me: Ya, but I don't understand.. Its just hard for me or any guy for that matter to not do it.. what is disgusting you about sex?
Her: Don't worry, i'll probably adjust
Me: I hope.. I thought it had to do with me or what I did, its really going to be hard to handle -_- .. so what is disgusting you anyway?
Her: Don't worry!! lol im just going through a phase proly
Me:Okay <3 love you
Her: Love you
Me: Just call me and talk to me about it when you get home okay? I feel that we should talk about this more than just saying all of a sudden to stop and not worry..
Her: omg!! y u makin everythin such a big deal? Maybe im just sick of it as of right now
Me: I know but im afraid it has to do with me because i would always annoy you ... I'm sorry
Her:No Dun worry
Me:Just promise me that it has absolutely nothing to do with me.. i feel bad because i wasn't informed with your situation
Her: omg chill!!!
Me: I can't.. I feel like i did something wrong to you
Her: == no
Me: I will stop.. I'm sorry, its just so sudden for me and im confused.. I love you so much
I talked with her friend and he agrees with my idea on what i should do..
She is pledging for a sorrority, she has been really busy and barley has been getting sleep, refer to my other thread about college, need help if you want more info.. She says she is half way done...
So my idea is to wait for her to finish pledging for her sorrority, let her do her thing, and ill do mine.. when she finishes her pledging, then I'll see watsup, if she is still in the same position about sex, then I will talk to her about it, and if she gets all defensive about it and doesn't want to do it anymore, then i am ending it with her.
If you agree or disagree, please comment on it and suggest maybe another way, I'm all ears
This is the first time in 4 weeks that she actually hung out with me, to do something OTHER than homework, Now I am more open with her in helping her finish up homework to finish up pledging and she says i'm the best thing for her besides her mom.Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH
To answer your questions..
1) Yes
2) She comes home, shell work on some homework, procrastinate [lots of people obviously do this, I do! haha], and when she wants to hang out, its usually to work on her homework... The time we spent today was from 2:00 - 5:50 just working on homework, and at 5:40, she told me about the sex thing, we havn't had it in weeks btw..
Sounds like she is adjusting to college and isn't too sure about your relationship. If you were having to ask or 'annoy' her for sex, doesn't sound like she was much into it anyway.
What are you doing while she is in college? Are you in school? Did I read in another thread that you are in HS? Going to college is a big change and often times people who have been close all through school drift apart after graduation.
Can't speak for all women but when I lose interest in a man I find that the thought of sex with him is a total turn off. I'll find his odor unpleasant and not want to be too close.
Asking her to promise that it has nothing to do with you, is not inviting real communication about what she is feeling. You need to talk in person and to keep it open and don't try to direct what she says. When you are having a conversation about relationship or sexual issues it's best to do it in a neutral setting. Don't try to kiss her or get cuddly and then talk. Respect her space but tell her you need an honest response. Try not to get hyper emotional, that can be difficult but you've got limited outcomes, either you work it out or you split up. It you split up it can be friendly or not. You don't want to be in a relationship where she isn't really in to it. That's just prolonging the agony. Long distance relationships are never easy, at your age with all the changes going on, they are especially difficult.
You may be best off cutting her loose. Tell her you love her and want her to have what is best for her but that you can't have a relationship this way. Ask her to take some time to think about it and that you will be doing some thinking too. Then get out with your buddies and try to have some fun or at least to keep busy. Once she no longer feels committed to you and knows you aren't there to do her homework, she may realize that she does want you still in her life. Or she may not but if you take the step it will be easier for you cope no matter what the result.
No matter what you need to keep busy with what you have to do and stay on track with your life!
Ya.. I'm still in HS.. I know I shouldn't be helping with her homework.. but its getting difficult for me to do negative things towards another person... I'm just not that type of guy, i have already tried... it took me a day to start again..
I mean.. I really want this to work.. she compliments me and she was really really happy when we talked on the phone an hour ago, all excited and whatnot... this time im not nagging at her to quit pledging the sorority because she is being treated unfairly, im pushing her to do well... I was always negative towards what she was doing and not doing, because I wasn't involved with anything.. but now.. this time ill be going the opposite direction... and try to stick with it until the end of the pledging... help her with her homework, wake her up... I mean... I dunno, ill need to talk to her when she isn't under stress like she is now with school and her pledging. She gets too emotional so quickly.
I really thank you for the quick feedback, please keep it comin' =)
But now.. im starting to think... should i just end it now with her... maybe im being used... just being used to help out with school, and then... break up as soon as she finishes pledging
You may be right but it may not be conscious. She's used to having you there for her and is apparently dependant on you. Dependency isn't really loving, not in adults. In any relationship there is give and take. You help her today, she helps you next week, over the long term there should be balance to it. To have a healthy relationship both should be able to stand and function alone, being together, loving and caring for and about eacn other should be a choice not an act of neediness.
Aside from the satisfaction of helping her, what are you getting? I don't mean just the sex or lack of - that's the cake with icing, are you getting any of the main course? Too many people train themselves to accept lopsided relationships just to be with someone. You are young, you have a lot to offer, you are caring and considerate and deserve to have someone in your life who appreciates you. This is the time in your life to get to know as many people as you can and start figuring out what you want. You're going to go through a lot of changes in the next few years, the girls who appeal to you now may not be the women who appeal to you later.
Listen man I'm not going to sugar coat this because you honestly need to learn how to talk to women.
Translation: I'm only joking with you...
If a girl makes such an outrageous statement with no previous evidence of supporting this then SHE IS JUST TESTING YOU! Maybe trying to get a reaction.
She might also have a hidden agenda. Such as "Could you deal with the no sex, is your relationship that strong."
Again she is telling you to relax... Hence the "LOL..." and the "Im just going through a phase". It may have been a little game that the sorority girls have to go through.Later, Now we are texting
Me: So is this why you don't want to come over or for me to sleep over anymore?
Her: No, Cause i know you'll respect my decision
Me: Ya, but I don't understand.. Its just hard for me or any guy for that matter to not do it.. what is disgusting you about sex?
Her: Don't worry, i'll probably adjust
Me: I hope.. I thought it had to do with me or what I did, its really going to be hard to handle -_- .. so what is disgusting you anyway?
Her: Don't worry!! lol im just going through a phase proly
The fact that you say " I hope I thought it had to do with me" Just reaks of insecurity and it is just going to further drive her away.
Just as expected NOW SHE IS GETTING UPSET AT YOU for being so insecure and supplicating.Me:
Her: Love you
Me: Just call me and talk to me about it when you get home okay? I feel that we should talk about this more than just saying all of a sudden to stop and not worry..
Her: omg!! y u makin everythin such a big deal? Maybe im just sick of it as of right now
Now because your making it a big deal It is one. Hense her getting mad and reiterating it.
Look at all the numbered statements I pointed out. Your neediness and insecurity are having the complete opposite effect then what you want.
Your getting more and more aggravating to her, because she is realizing that you are not a confident man. She now has to rethink you as a suitable boyfriend.
Which was the reason for the test!
More apologizing...WHY?
Why?
Both men and women need a physical and emotional connection for the relationship to work...
If your always "there for her" and being her emotional doormat and dont have sex or at least have an outlook for a physical connection then SHE IS GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU!
Its the sad truth.
Open your eyes man and learn to be more confident. If you want to learn how then I can give you a few resourses...
Hope this helps
Live laugh and love
Nice guys don't finish last, weak guys finish last.
Ya.. After i posted this talking about maybe i should just break up with her, i was talking with my brother, and hes saying the exact same or at least almost the exact same points as these... he was warning me from Day 1 about this... the whole college thing.. but i wanted to try to make it work...
Well if you want to show me some resources.. sure! lol.. I wrote down what im going to say to her later today so i don't screw up, ill just put it up here too...
-----
~ = GF Says something
Hey, watsup. ~ . There has been something on my mind the past few weeks and now it has been really bothering me in a depressing manor. I feel depressed. I never felt this way before, I feel neglected and taken advantage of. Your attitude, your whole personality is defferent, your not the same. I deserve better. I feel that you are cheating on me. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, I am really easy going, you know that and you know what makes me happy and unhappy, right now, your making me unhappy..
~~ *See how she reacts*
(When time is right) Actions speak louder than words, I would do this in person but i wont be seeing you in the next couple of weeks. I am breaking up with you.
-----
Does this seem pretty legit? Should i add? Subtract? What are the signs i should be looking for if she still wants to be with me, If she doesn't shell probably be fine with it and get all mad and defensive about my arguments... [if theres more please say so haha]
Should I even do this... I would take it as everyone is going to say yes.. but I need a final answer.. I never broke up with someone... it seems really hard..
Wow.. I totally forgot to mention this...
This weekend, she tried to avoid going to my house the whole time saying she will get sick from allergies [shes allergic to my cat] yet she has never complained about this before... and last week, we planned for me to go to her apartment Saturday, but for a SECOND time, she canceled on me.. and then expected me to just plan something with her, all i could think of was a movie because i was dumbstruck... its the 3rd time she canceled on a plan of ours, 2 from going to sleep over, 1 from just hanging out. I woke her up this morning about 5 minutes ago and she said thank you and love you.
Saturday she talked about that she realizes that she keeps on canceling sleeping over and feels bad that she keeps on disappointing me. She said at one point, "I was thinking of ending it, but I wanted to see if it could work out" And then the next day she told me about the sex issue...
I mean that just kinda pushes it to an ending relationship... So what do you guys think of this..
1. No person should ever make you feel a certain way... Giving another person the ability to manipulate your emotions is pretty much giving a monkey a hammer in a glass house.
I'm going to say what your really thinking and what she is going to think
You thinking: "Boy am i going to let you have it, I'm going to tell you how bad of a girlfriend you are. How your never there and blah blah blah
Her thinking "Great.... Now i have to listen to him get angry at me for no reason" "I really dont want to listen to what has been bothering you for the past few weeks... be a man and learn how to deal with it!
You thinking: "Maybe if i tell her how bad I'm feeling she is going to show some pity and understand how much of an emotional basket case you've made me
Her thinking: Man where is the guy that i fell in love with... The fun, interesting, attractive confident man... Good thing we are about to fight because i want a real man
You thinking: Your such a horrible girl friend... You never do anything right and I'm worth so much more
Her thinking: You deserve better... So dont I... But I will continue to listen to your rant because it makes you feel better..
OK first DONT SAY THIS!!!! Because she will deny it even if it is true so nothing good can come of this.
And it is also very needy and immature.
You thinking: You should really treat me better, because you have the key to my heart so stop playing with it
Her thinking: Man your such a baby....
This very statement is EXTREMELY BOTHERING TO ME!
Your being outcome Dependant! Another sign of letting people guage what you say and why you say it.
BE A MAN! Know what you want to say and say it...Women will listen. If you "See how she reacts"
Women have a much better understanding of what men say and why they say it.
She is going too see that your guaging her reaction which may subconsciously force her to rebel or If she is the really sweet type she is going to agree to no end just to end your little emotional fest.
----------------------------
Your little emtional escapade will get nothing accomplished but a stupid argument that will have no real benifit to the both of you.
Before you go to her make sure you know what you want. BE VERY CLEAR TO YOURSELF!
Afterall a real man Should would always leave a girl better then he found her.
Want some tips
- Go on google and type in "David Deangleos Mail bags" There free
- Find a book called "The Mystery meathod by mystery" and get it
- Also find a book called "Instant confidence by Paul Mckenna"
Nice guys don't finish last, weak guys finish last.
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