Is he cheating or what

[Passion]

my husband has several of female contacts which i have not mind in the past but there is this one girl who i am iffy about. a couple of months ago my husband mentioned to me and his friend that there was a girl in his school that told him she was interested in him. He explained to her that he was married and she told him she did not know because he wasn't wearing his wedding ring. I was aware that he does not wear his wedding ring during class because it is a workshop which he utilzes a lot of machinary and he takes it off even when he is using machinery at home. Anyhow, even after my husband told her that he was married and that although he was flattered he would never cheat or lie to his wife she continues persuing him. When he told me about this I did not get upset but here is the problem. One day I heard his phone ring at about 2 in the morning and she had text him telling him tha she will see him in the weekend. This really bothered me because I became suspicious of him. I confronted him and he told me that they had talked and he told her that he was going to be at the beach that weekend and she was going to the same beach. I told him that her calls make me feel uneasy and make me feel like there is something between them. He tells me that there is nothing to worry about but he continues to return her calls. What do I do? I am tired of feeling like i can't trust him. And I am tired of telling him how uneasy it makes me feel and he continues to call her back when she calls. Most of the time my husband is either at work, school, or with me. What can I do to stop this?

[Joy]

How long have you been married? Every marriage faces these types of challenges. You can not stop it. This type of conflict can either make or break marrages when trust is tested.

I think you have to be honest show your husband you feel vunerable but also know you are an amazing woman or he would not have married you. Open up and communicate don't close off the situtation. Face it but give it time to work thru

Its ok to feel uneasy this woman is obviously being agressive. 2am is not cool but your husband can not control when she tries to contact him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your husband needs to know that you do in fact trust him, so start with that..

Women are well, "they will TRY to take what THEY want", now not all it's probably 50/50 but there will always be women who really do not care at all if you are married, they actually see it as a challenge and once had, walk away.. It's over, devastating a relationship, that is why you feel un-easy, because her text was at 2am in the morning, in my "opinion" that shows that she was thinking of him.

He needs to understand that.. Point that at, that no woman texts a "mate" at that time in the morning your mind is not on friends, rather what you want and therefore, he needs to see that by answering she may feel that he actually likes her.

If he doesn't see that and say fair call, never thought of that, and says don't worry that's not the case he is either protecting your thoughts or silly, or he may be protecting himself.. It is hard to determine with such a short thread.

Don't snoop, the proof in the pudding is this. He is your husband, tell him, that as such he needs to respect you as his wife, you are not jealous, you have pointed out the facts and that is that a woman does not text a man at 2am, unless she has lustful feelings for him, he therefore, needs to appreciate that, accept that, and respect your wishes and back off a fair bit on his communication with her.. It is not fair to her to "imagine" an affair and you don't want to see a woman get hurt.

So, in other words, take it off you of "concern" and turn it around into he will hurt her.

That shows your trust for him, whilst he realises that she likes him.

If that doesn't work you have something in my opinion to worry about.

CW

[Passion]

We have been married for 2 years but we have been together for 15 years. My husband knows that she is into him because she asked him if there could be anything between them althought she knows he is married. What worries me is that I have explained to him my concerns how it makes me feel uneasy about him talking to her and he still talks to her. He goes to school and she is in one of his classes. Two weeks ago, my husband had an art show and she showed up and after invited herself to the after party. When I met her I was polite and friendly but during the after party she crossed the line by hanging out with us. I know she is after him, he tells me that she told him that she dreamed of being married to him having children and an art studio. I talked to my husband about her hanging out with us that it was supposed to be our celebration and I definately did not want to share that with her. He told me he did not invite her and said that he did not do anything wrong. I told him that by him not doing anything with the situation he showed me alot. He should have gotten me out of the situation and put me in my place as his wife. This whole situation with him refusing to let her go by not talking to her anymore makes me doubt of their relationship and about ours. I told him that although he says he is faithful he is not being loyal to me. Granted he has several women friends and I told him I don't mind them because they have shown respect towards me. I also told him that with her disrespecting me by not laying off she is disrespecting him. But he continues to tell me that there is nothing that I should worry about, but tells me that he is flattered that someone else is interested in him. I don't know what to do. If he were in my shoes I know that I would be out the door. I just feel that she continues to call him, text message him with problems at school as an excuse to talk to him and build a relationship and he continues to feed it. He knows how I feel We have talked about it several times and it is starting to put a strain on our relationship and on the trust that I had on him.

[Joy]

you are right it was a night for you guys to celebrate and this woman tagged along. If you find yourself in this situation again don't wait for your husband to place you as his wife. Put this woman in her place let her know you know all about her "lil fantasies" about your husband, a studio, and kids.......... let her know your husband tells you everything and she can run along and stop her desparate cry for attention.

This woman has nothing on you ... you are married to your husband... she only wishes.

It is flattering for your husband and he should be flattered its always nice to know someone finds us attractive so make sure you give him just that.... do lil things that let him know how hot you think he is He will be in your shoes one day he will know how you feel. Life just seems to work out that way.

good luck

[Passion]

Thank you, I will do that.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your husband isn't interested in having an affair, rather he is lapping up the "attention" "flirtation" and feels that there is nothing wrong with it, because he has no intention of doing anything about it.

The fact that he tells you "everything" suggests the above in it's totality.

When you see her, in the same space as you too, stand tall, put your arm on his shoulder, smile at her, laugh with your husband, poke him in the side, make a joke, "hun be careful or you'll get it tonight" and laugh...

Let her see that he smiles back at you, laps up your attention and therefore, the attention she thinks she is getting aint working cause clearly he is in love with you..

I love what Joy said as well, because if you do this, it makes it easier to do it in front of her without your husband feeling you are doing something out of character, rather in character and at the same time, not jealous, you know that he loves you and is his, he is yours and men admire that in a woman..

She will be so beside herself, she will hate the fact that you even touched him let alone he laughed with you and let alone you talked about sex that night, sex that she can't have with your man.

It's always the best way to show another Woman WHO IS THE WOMAN.............

Even when she phones, if it is a time when you two are in bed, for instance, wisper in a "loudish" wisper, come back to bed hun, you have work here to do.. so she can hear it, but again, as Joy said, start making him feel that you feel he is charaismic so it's not out of character, rather the "new you"... she will eventually have no choice but to get so jealous that she stuffs up the relationship with him totally or looks for someone else to cling to...

Always fight fire with fire...

CW

[WildChild]

Wow Joy and CW have come up with some great responses. I'd add just this note, one of my favorite writers is Erle Stanley Gardner, he was a well know trial attorney and the author a a couple hundred books, including the Perry Mason series. Gardner had a great respect for women and often featured them as competent business women (and murderers). In several of his books he had a female charcter who was dealing with this situation and he had the strong competent ones use the tactic of becoming the lady beautiful, while setting up a situation where the other woman becomes a headache. You know him, his likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. I'm sure you've been through some tough times and good times. Work on keeping the good times fresh. You be the source of fun rather than stress. Let him know he's the one and you are still hot for him, but also comfortable and have his back.

[Passion]

Thank you so much, I feel so much better. I just did not know what to do and the situation was getting to me. I will take your advice.

[torn2pieces]

Hello,
I am replying to ask your advice. I apologize since you posted this so that you can get advice and here I am asking for your advice.

I read that you accept you husbands female friends. I need help in that area. My bf has female friends and I cannot accept it, I have a problem with it more so because I have been severly cheated on in the past, and I have a problem trusting any women.

I do trust my man, I really do. He is a very friendly individual but I am always worried that these women have an alternative motive. He has no problem introducing them to me, but he does not think it is a priority as I do. It bothers me even more when he gets new female friends. He gets girls numbers from work because sometimes after work a group of co-workers (male and female) go out. He says he gets their number to find out where they are.

I am having a hard time accepting that my man has numerous female phone-numbers in his phone. This is tearing up our relationship because we go around and around and around about it and we are on the verge of breaking up because of this. We are scheduled to see a counselor on Nov. 17 because of this. It bothers me that he thinks nothing of getting a girls number.

Since you deal with your husbands female friends, what are the boundries? Have you guys talked about boundries?

My guy is wonderful and he does a lot for me and our family. I don't want to loose him but I don't feel respected when I see these numerous numbers.

Overall, how do you accept it?