My 2-year-old is completely Out of Control!!!

[JulyMama06]

I also have an unruly child. My daughter turned 3 in July and for the last year or so has been totally out of control. Mouthing back, not listening. I could ask her to do something time and time again and she'll ignore me. Within the past few weeks I have started putting fresh ground black pepper on her tongue when she talks back. It worked at first and now she has started talking back again. The thing, though, is that she is only like this at home. She's great when we take her out, when she's at daycare, when she's with either set of grandparents...but the second we get home she turns into a terror. She destroys her toys and doesn't care. I make her throw away torn books or ripped up dolls, etc. and she thinks it's funny. When she misuses her toys we put them in her closet and she does not get them back. She's down to almost no toys and could care less.

I don't like spanking but have done it a few times and am not proud of it and find it doesn't have any desired effect. We do timeouts all the time (sitting quietly against the wall in one spot with no toys or tv) but that doesn't seem to work, as soon as she's out she's back at it. We've shut her in her room with no toys and it helps a little. I have found that yelling/raising your voice allows them to sense that you're frustrated and only makes the behavior worse so I try as hard as I can not to do that.

I am also at my wits end and don't know what to do next...

[terimary]

Difficult situations. I hope you find your answers.

One suggestion - If you tell (don't ask) your child to do something and he doesn't do it. Don't tell again. Go to him, pick him up, and move him to do what you insist he do. For example. "Bobby, Don't touch the TV." If Bobby touches the TV again, you get up and move him to another place. Be firm. Don't let him go back and touch the TV. Don't explain, don't argue, just insist. (Imagine what you would do if he tried to go into a busy street. You'd stop him.) You are big, he is little. If you have to, you can hold him in place until he stops the behavior. (No explanation is needed. You say, "NO; it means NO." Then, do this with everything. If you're consistent he'll know that you mean what you say and he can't go against you. It is important to do this each and every time. If you don't insist that he obey, even once, the misbehavior is reinfoced. Consistency is the key. It is exhausing to make this change, but if you stay consistent his behavior should change and it will be a lot easier for you. Remember, he gets one chance to obey, then Mom takes charge. "Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean."

I understand frustration, but please never let anyone hit, yell-at, or demean your child. It won't improve the behavior and will only cause more problems.

Now is the time to change any pattern of hitting or yelling. If you feel out of-control call a friend who can calm you. Give yourself a time-out. Get away from your child for a few minutes. If you try to ignore the child when he is acting-out, he'll find out that misbehaving doesn't work. He wants your attention. If you engage with him when he is behaving, he'll find out that behaving works. Little by little you can condition his behavior.

Most of all, don't be hard on yourself. You love your child. You're learning along with him. You have the loving responsibilty to say, "NO." The child will test you. You are the Mom. You get to decide. So, give the above system a try. It might work and it can't hurt.

Best to you and to all Moms.

[corbincowgirl]

i have a 3 year old that is very mean he seems to run things i have been tring to change that yellin does not help tried that spankin dont help tried that he hits back well any ways i have to just talk to him that he was really hurting my feelings and that i was not going to put up with it no more and over time with me settin him down for his time outs a min per year old it has helped and dont 4 get to take what they want the most if the time out dont work he will stop doing stuff if he dont have his fav toy or game just always give back if he does what u say

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Terrible 2's they say...

Continual disipline in my opinion won't work and spanking him is out, that's gone with the age old, please don't do that, because he will resent you and you already feel guilty Mayra.

You have to use physcology and "reward him" when he does things right, give him a sticker rule, every time you are good I'm going to give you a gold star, Mummy's very proud of you. How many can you collect?


He sees disipline as "negative" and he's wanting more attention, so reverse it, how does he get attention with rewards..

CW

[cora]

im new at being a mom but i think he might be craving more of your attention, or maybe theres something more then you know about going on at the daycare, when i was young my mother put me in a daycare and they would disapline me with a flyswatter! and i told my mother i was only about 2 or 3, and she took me out.

[reemasams]

the first step toward getting your kids behavior under control is to,Put aside any concerns about being "the bad guy" and remember that children need parents to set and maintain a clear set of expectations.Develop a List of Expectations and Consequences.
At the same time, brainstorm a list of consequences that you are willing to enforce on a regular basis.
Once you've developed your list of rules, schedule a family meeting where you can sit down together and discuss them.

[ChelseaC]

I feel your pain. I also have a 2 year old son(will be 3 in November) that is out of control at times. He never listens to me when I tell him to do something. I have to tell him over and over and he just sits there or looks at me and smiles like saying "I'm not going to do what you say!" He also talks back to me and raises his hand to me if I don't let him do something or if I hit him. On top of that, he is also very aggressive and rough with my niece who is the same age. He will go up to her and punch her in the stomach, kick, bite or pull her hair for no reason. I have put him in many time outs, given him spankings, smacked his hand and told him not to do that to her cause it hurts and she will have an owee, but nothing works. I take him out of time out and he's back to doing something to her within seconds. My sister and I live together so his behavior causes a lot of arguments between us cause she is sick of him beating up on her daughter. She also yells at my son and calls him uncalled for names like little and which makes me mad cause you don't talk to a 2 year old like that no matter how difficult he may be! He's not an adult but she talks to him like if he were one. I tell her I don't appreciate her calling him those names and she just tells me to shut up and learn how to discipline him. I can only give him so much discipline and that doesn't seem to be working so I am at my wit's end also! My son is also very hyperactive and is always jumping or running around which also annoys my parents who also live with us and are elderly. I also have anxiety so I fly off the handle very easily and scream at him at the top of my lungs or spank him hard and then I feel so guilty! STRESS STRESS STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my aunt who visits quite often had that problem. although he didnt hurt children he would want to break things. expensive things like cameras. one day we took a picture of him and he wanted to see the picture. we showed him and he was very happy with it. we put the camera in its bag which has a long strap. Being his niece i am not allowed to shout at him (which i think is a bit unfair seeing as he will never do these things to his mother) but he took the bag and dragged it on the floor. I wasn't going to intervene with this so I told his mom that the camera was in the bag he was dragging. so she went to the end of the bag and took out the camera and he went MAD. I have never seen anything like it. He hit his mom and tried to get the camera back. His mom gently trying to tell him he was going to break the camera but then she turned. she told him to let go of the camera in her hands and he refused still screaming. she warned him that she was going to smack him but he continued, she warned him that she was going to put him in a room alone but he continued. then she hit him on the bum. it wasnt hard but it was the gesture. and he screamed. she told him to stop but he wouldnt so she put him in a room alone untill he stoped crying. you must be firm

[Dezerya18]

guys, not all discipline is negative!!! sometimes you do need to use moments to teach lessons. For the main poster, your son does sound as if he may be on the spectrum for autism. I would have him checked asap. If you catch it early you will have better success as he gets older.

[sourpuss]

It sounds like a respect issue to me. If your child is well behaved when others are around or in charge then they obviously know right from wrong. They just know that if pushed hard enough, eventually you'll break.

[tapdance]

I can really relate to what your all saying, I have a little girl who was 3 in January, everyone I have spoken to say the samething, the hardest age is 2-3. As they think want to be independent and think that they can do everything on their own but they cant and they dont understand why. They are also too young to be able to reason with them, so it feels sometimes like you are in a non-win situation. All i can sugest is just to keep going, try to be consistent with your disaplining, so they learn quickly what you expect and will not accept from them. When they do something naughty tell them and then walk away and ignore them, as often they do it for atention, once they see you are not interested they will probably stop. Then when they are doing something good, praise them and shower attention on them.
Its a passing fase, that we all have to go through. Children like disapline and order as it makes them feel safe in their environment even though they will constantly try and push the broundries further and further. Good luck, and stay positive!