Need To Vent!!

[twinkle76]

Hi all,

I'm new here, never posted anything before but am at the end of the rope and just need to vent.

I've been married for 5 years have a 9yo daughter from first marriage and have a 10mo from this marriage.

My marriage has been on the rocks for.. well almost 3 years due to many reasons which we've been working on some with success some without any and this is where my pain is GREAT.


to make it short and sweet: my husband does not like my little girl (9yo) he's cold, indifferent, rude to her as in ignores her when she talks to him, doesn't make eye contact, doesn't acknowledge her, doesn't laugh at her jokes (which by the way are very funny and silly) he just seems to not be able to stand her.


I noticed something in the beggining but thought it was just an adjusment period that had to happen.

My daughter is now 9, very smart, sweet, well behaved (not just saying that) kind, funny, a great big sister (loves the little baby) and this is said by teachers, friends and pretty much anyone she meets.

Her dad is very invested in her thank God he's always there for her so it's not about my husband beeing a dad for her, its just about him being at least friendly with her.


I've tried many times to talk to him about it, asking him to realize the problem this presents for me but he denies anything and the most I've ever gotten from him is an "ok I'll try..." Now that my daughter is getting older she"s noticing his attitude, she doesn't complain but instead tries to bond with him (it breaks my heart) She greets him at the door with a big friendly hello when he comes home, he responds with a flat hello, we all call her by her nickname but he won't he calls her by her full name.


Im hurting for my daughter and I can't make excuses for him. the last straw was this week when she was talking to him about her new hamsters with so much enthusiasm and he wouldn't even look at her then turned away and left her talking to herself I had to hold myself back to not say anything in front of her for her sake. But then she pulled me to the side and very quietly asked me why he wouldn't even look at her and if she had done something wrong.


I wanted to strangle him I still do. I'm done with him!!!


I can't be with someone who doesnt at least respect my daughter she's my baby just like my 10mo who he treats completely different he says hi to her with a smile from ear to ear, jumps at any sound she makes and lavishes her with love, am glad for the baby's sake but its hard to watch my 9yo staring at them when he"s with her I can only imagine what goes on nin her mind.

I'm filing for divorce and not on impulse this has been going on for too long and now am just ashamed that I even let it happened in the first place. I wont allow him to continue this he had many chances to change and his time is up because my daughters come first both of them! that goes for him and everything else. I feel better thank u

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wow........

Welcome to Woman's Forum firstly.

That was a good vent but more importantly you came to realisation that he has an issue and it is efecting your daughter, your blood.

And, good for you.

It's sad and I am sorry, however, good for you and personally, I think you are doing the right thing.

Good luck


CW

[WildChild]

Twinkle that is so sad. I experienced this in my last marriage and I also kept thinking that given time things would get better. My ex got on ok with one of my kids but not with the other. Occasionally they'd do something together or share an actvitiy but it wasn't often and the rest of the time was difficult. The man's tone of voice, facial expressions, word choices when talking with my child, all spoke of dislike and intollerance. His treatment didn't help the child learn how to act appropriately, the adult sets the example!

It's almost immpossible to continue to feel loving toward someone who treats your children badly. The kids don't have a choice, you do. You do what is best for your children and yourself.

[twinkle76]

Thank you for your replies, it feels good to know that someone understands.

[Searching_82]

You def. did the right thing! You and your daughter do not deserve that!...Have her come on here and tell us about her hampsters, we'd love to listen!

[sourpuss]

Has your daughter ever confronted him? It may be something that he's struggling with and thinking that she doesn't even notice because she's a child. A good long talk between the two of them without you around may really help.

[In-Need]

I'm coming in late here but felt I should post anyway.

1st I'm in total sympathy with you as to your delima twinkle. Iv'e seen those type of things go on in various families and it really breaks my heart for the children.

I had 4 Stepchildren in my home I helped raise, and there was a lot of effort put into making things happen to the positive. It's take alot of effort on the adult side of it and really when the kids get old enough on their part too. Of course your daughter is very young and has nothing to do with this, I don't think. I mean as far as why he would treat her this way.

But, what concerns me is most of those who responded here jump right on tho't about dumping this guy. What about your child with him. Are you thinking about that child as much as you are the one in question. Really?

I mean If understand this correctly you said you have had other problems as well, and some you have worked thru, that's good! And I don't know how long you've really tried to get this out of him, about what's causing these actions from him.

Becasue I've been thru raising step children as a Father, I'm trying to believe it's something that can be resolved, I say don't give up yet! Your child by him now will have a Step-Father, I assume ,and how is he going to act towards that child and if you have to, how long will you work with him to resolve the issue? You see what I'm trying to say?

I mean to me if you was to talk to him as you did to us, I find it hard to believe that any man with some sense and desire to make things happen will respond.

I may be totally off on this. Altho I feel like every one jumped too soon on the band wagon to agreeing with divorce.

The wife and I are now split up. The kids are raised and it has nothing to do with the kids. And the fact is the most trying times in our marriage was the kids. Mainly because of different opinions. I actually advise her boys and my step-boys never to marry a woman with kids because I did not want them to go thru what we went thru. Sounds crazy maybe but I meant it. I'm proud of ourselves, the 2 of us tho pulled it thru with good results.

Maybe you should reconsider, maybe, huh? Maybe not!
think about, Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Joy]

your husband has a big problem with raising some other mans child......... he knew you were a package when he signed up. I'm so sorry for you lil girl. I'm happy to hear her real dad is there for her.

maybe you wanna put that out there.... does he want another man treating his child indifferent and rude.

[In-Need]

maybe you wanna put that out there.... does he want another man treating his child indifferent and rude.

Good, Very good Joy! If one can come to terms what it may be felt like with the shoe on the other foot, there might be an awakening!

[WildChild]

Usually that type won't recognize their own behavior. My ex had got POd when my kid's dad didn't pay full support but then he didn't pay his and got POd when he had to catch it up. He was a bit of a you know what to my kids but would get upset that his had to deal with a step who had problems. He had no problem with the idea of his kids mother & spouse covering most of their expenses but deeply resented paying for things for mine. Won't hurt to try pointing it out to him, maybe he'll be different. Have to at least give him the chance.