Help schizophrenic mother!

[withered_rose]

Hey guys my grandmother has recently passed away and it has left my family in a turmoil. My mother is bi-polar with schizophrenic tendency and she seems to have gone off the deep end here recently. she was doing fine up until two weeks ago that it began to really sink in that my grandmother was gone. Its just so frustrating having to deal with everything and my father is taking the brunt of most of this, while I am trying to help him out I am scared for my safety as well as my fiance's and also for the safety of my unborn child. as of right now she has not gotten violent but its really only a matter of time in my opinion. She has been talking to her self and has convinced herself that i am some how telling her that she is a horrible mother and everything else. I am just worried for her and I hate to see her like this but its so draining to me as a person because of everything that has happened. And I think what I really need is a few ideas on how to handle something like this. It's just all around frustrating and confusing. I have dealt with this for quite a long time but I need some help. thank you to all of you for taking time to read this. Goddess bless all of you.

[Joy]

has your mom gone off her meds? If so, get her to a dr and get her back on them. Its hard dealing with a person that is going thru this kind of mental trauma. They have a hard time seeing past their own feeling to see how they are affecting everyone else who is also dealing withthe lose and them.

Know this is not your mom her emotional issues have gotten the best of her. Contact a mental health counsellor maybe for some advice to see how to help calm her down. if there is a schizophrenic mental health society they may have free couselling to help her deal with this tramatic loss.

my heart goes out to your family

[withered_rose]

Thanks joy, as far as I know she has been taking her meds regularly like she is supposed to but most of the time her meds dont seem to do much of anything as far as that is concerned. It tends to keep her from going farther into it, and she has an appointment on friday, I think atleast that's what she's been telling us.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It is truly amazing hey..

Our hearts will go out and touch until we feel fear.

If this is your intution trust it.

I dont' know how far gone pregnant you are but you need to look after this baby at the moment.

Your Mother will suffer for months and months over the death of her mother regardless of her condition whilst you have to concentrate on this baby and it's needs to be a healthy born child.

Speak to your mother by phone , send her a card of love, stay with her, BUT concentrate on your baby, this is important now for you.

You can't be there all the time for your loved ones and sometimes something else becomes important.

In my books a baby is THE most important it needs to you live, grow and be, your mother has had years to do so and will continue to do so.

Take care of you at the moment and your child to be.

CW

[Beth2468]

Not sure how involved you want to get into your mother's life but it doesn't sound like she's on the right medication or she skips doses. Schizophrenia is a terrible disease and there is a lot of suffering involved in this illness.

I hope your father goes to the doctor with her and asks lots of questions. Maybe he can write everything down that he sees. There is hope for your mother but it helps if she has insight into her problems.

Please take care of yourself. You have every right to be concerned for the safety of your children. When folks are psychotic they can become extremely paranoid and scary.

[withered_rose]

Thanks everyone sorry that I haven't really been on lately. so here is an update for me and also my mom. As for me I miscarried because of all the stress and the accident that I was involved in. I have been living with my fiance since my mom has been dealing with everything. as for the medication bit I dont think that she is taking it the way that they want her to but she won't let any of us keep track of it because she wants her independence but in my opinion she has to earn it. she is driving again and I was forced to walk home from the mall its only a mile and a half but it was raining. I feel as though she doesnt really care right now she's alienating me from her life and its frustrating. I hope that she gets better but the doctors say that she may never return to who she was before everything happened. Its just hard for me to deal with especially with the accident that I was involved in I find myself wishing that I had been farther into the intersection just to escape from things for a while...... but I know that's not what I truly want to have had happened because I know that there would have been worse repercussion than what there are right now. my car has been totaled and the gentleman that I colllided with now has to have hand surgery. so that's the update for everyone and thanks to all of you for the support and just listening.

[Joy]

withered rose,

my heart goes out to you for that you have been thru. I know life must seem very confusing and complicted withthe loss of your grandmother, your mom acting uncooperative, and the loss of your baby. Know that thru great sorrow there also come great Joy. I hope you find peace in your day and you are taking the time to heal.

xx

[withered_rose]

Thank you to all of you that have replied to what I have had to say, it is a comfort to know that not only do I have an amazing fiance but I also have women here than understand and just listen to what I have to say. as for the healing process its not happening as well as I think that it should, there are things that are going on in my life right now that are making that difficult especially when my birthday was last month and my mother decided to give me a card from my grandparents, that was signed, before my grandmother passed away. It's just little things like that which are making it very difficult for me to cope with certain things. As for with my mom, the way that I feel is this, I know that she needs help which despite our efforts between my father and I she does not want anything to do with either of us and also as far as what the doctors are doing for her it's been absolutely nothing from the get go. so I dont really know what to do or how to even think to help her especially the way that she is at the moment. My life is so complicated and I just want it to be simple especially with christmas right around the corner. I just hope that she is better by the time I get married next year.

[WildChild]

You have so much to deal with right now and because you are basically in the thick of it with your mother and an accident, it may be a while before it all sinks in and really impacts you. It's good you are with your fiance, you need some space and a peaceful place to get some relief from all the drama and trauma.

Do you have a counselor or a circle of freinds you can talk to when you need to? Any one of these things happening would be difficult and invoke a level of grief, you've gotten a whole bushel. Losing a beloved Grandmother is hard but in a sense you've lost your mother as well. The lost of an anticipated child is very hard, I saw one of my sisters through this twice. Have you had a ceremony? Taken time to express your love and release that little spirit? You need to. With all the turmoil, you need it all the more.

The accident is a manifestation of your pain and turmoil. When this happen it's as if you are creating a weird pain balance - having a physical impact to match your emotional pain. This is not unusual but it is enough, you must find other ways to release your pain and grief.

Part of this, is how you look at it. The birthday card for example. It was probably a painful reminder, but can you see it as a last gift or message of love from your Grandmother? If you can see it that way and cherish it, it will become a comfort. Try writing her a note thanking her for her love and for this final gift. Know that as long as you hold her in your heart, a part of her lives in you and won't leave you. You are part of her legacy.

Schizophrenics can be very difficult, the meds have side effects and when they start feeling better and more in control it seems many decide they don't really need the meds. I know one who seems to do really good job of self medication and keeps it pretty well under control but have known others who don't. Your father is probably feeing really stressed, his beloved daughter has been in an accident and lost her baby. You are his baby - his lashing out is his fear misguided. He is losing his wife, you are planning to marry, so in a sense he is losing you to another man, he is struggling too. It's frustrating that sometimes the people who we should be able to turn to, so you can support and nurture each other, turn away in their pain. Hold on to your compassion, do what you can for your parents but know that you are an adult and coming into the time to live your own life, you cannot solve all their problems.

You can be there for your parents but can't do for them what they have to do. Give yourself time for yourself and time with your fiance. Take time to be good to your self. Consider getting a counselor, it can really help to have someone who isn't involved to talk to.
Blessed Be.

[withered_rose]

I can certainly agree with you wildchild, thank you for the insight. I for one never though about the accident being a physical manifestation of what's going on with me, now I have come to find out that my mother may never get any better..... how do I deal with that? especially when we plan to move in, in about 5 months.