My wife caught me masturbating and can't handle it.

[MARCO POLO]

At the end of every day, show genuine concern and ask her how did her day go? Don’t try to find solutions to her problems; she is only interested that you care enough to JUST LISTEN!! If you spend more time listening(until she is done) not just acknowledging that you know what she is talking about... and move on to your routine of walking towards your computer, or to change, or towards the refrigerator to get a drink.... but stay still and Listen. Let her vent, (you vent by yanking it off).
Shut up and LISTEN!! Then, she may not be as angry and decide to joint you and masturbate together.
Man Oh man! You both don’t know what you have been missing!!!!! Good luck

[Shannon1]

After reading all this, I just want to say that I truly believe there is way more going on here than masturbating and porn... Having sex 5 times in a year speaks VOLUMES. The question is who is really responsible for this breakdown of intimicy? I am guessing probably the wife. If this is so, then what can she expect? At least he's not out there actually cheating on her!! I applaud your efforts to keep it at home, healthy or not, it doesn't really matter why you are looking at the porn, alot of people happen to enjoy it, and many couples (including myself and hubby) like to watch porn. It is not degrading to women, it just makes some woman feel insecure with themselves, and that is a personal problem, not societies. Whatever is going on in your marriage, is both of you & your wives responsiblity to fix, and it takes two to make it or break it. If she is not willing to try, because she has built up anger and resentments for the past, then it is inevitable your marriage will fail. Communication is VERY IMPORTANT. And she should be less concerned with the porn, and more concerned with the fact that your marriage is sexless & failing. I don't agree that you should have to kiss her *** and buy her flowers or (make up) for something you really shouldn't have to be appologizing for. So what, you watch porn... What is she giving you to watch? What is she doing to better the situation? Now I would understand her issue, IF your marriage was healthy, and you were not being deprived of sex and intimacy, but this is not the case. You clearly have substituted the lack of one for the other... and like I said, very surprising you haven't actually cheated. If she is so unhappy with you watching porn, then what is she doing as a wife to ensure that you don't need to "get it" from anywhere else? You both have a responsiblity here. Get some real help for it before its too late. It seems to me she is just looking for a reason to be angry and hurt.. Again, what can she expect? A sexless marriage won't last forever... someone eventually will cheat, and in your case, all you did is watch some porn and get off by yourself. I guess she should have taken care of you like she should be, and vise versa of course. But again, I am betting the lack of sex isn't because you don't want it.. so thats her problem to deal with the consequences of withholding sex. She needds to let go of the past, or let go of you...Sorry, but unless she is willing to acknowlede her part in your problem, and face the reality that porn is the least of the issues here, then it just won't work. You both need marriage counseling.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am calling this thread "trolling"...

The threader has not replied and commenced shortly after another thread, pertaining to "squirting" quite contradictory.

Suggest people read the thread in-case there is information that may assist, however, no longer reply.

If I am wrong, as we have already asked on numerous occasions ComputerInfo, then reply to your threads.

CW

[WildChild]

Shannon maybe, as CW said it was from another thread he started but this guy claims to watch all this porn but is clueless about stuff that he'd see in a significant part of any general porn. Doesn't seem to know his way around a woman' body at all and whole thing was odd.

[Janel1969]

Well it seems that she is more upset about the use of internet porn to stimulate the masturbation.

I can understand this a little, but let's get real, it is not likely that I or any other man would just close their eyes and think about their own spouse during masturbation.

Self masturbation is a way to fantasy and be involved in a situation that you will probably never actually get to experience. Maybe it's seeing girl on girl, or people in a group, or just a beautiful girl stripping.

Does this really change my initial concern. She is still so mad at me. She will barely speak to me or look at me. I showed he articles and respectful data from "Ask Men" and "Discovery Health" to show her some real data.

It is amazing to know that everyone we every come in contact has this secret life a couple times a week. It is ashame that this topic is so taboo. It's like farting. We all do it, but if someone hears you in public its disgusting.

I can understand that she may be jealous of the woman in porn and that she is totally offended by it. These woman are beautiful and maybe she can't deal with me looking at that. My wife is beautiful and even more beautiful to me, but is she as pretty as the porn-stars I see on the internet? No, but very few woman actually are.

I just wish she could have opened the door on me, seen what I had been doing, and offered to lend a hand. Turn the situation around and I would have jumped right in without all the drama.

Please advise as this is a real situation for me. It should not be, but their is so real drama going on here and it may never heal itself. Show me articles I can show her, offer me insight, anything, I'm dying here on my own.

Wow! I have been where your wife is. It sounds to me like she has some self-esteem issues. The fact that she is jealous of porn stars....I can sympathize with her! I used to be that way until I found a man that changed all that! Try not to dwell on the masterbation issue. Instead, concentrate on your wife and her insecurities. Getting mad at her for her reaction to catching you masterbating will only make the situation worse. Don't show her things that constitute masterbation as normal....the only thing you will accomplish with this is make her feel that HER feelings on the subject are NOT normal!! This will NOT help her self-esteem issues. Instead spring comments on her when she is not expecting them. Like, "do you know how fine you are to me?" or "Do you know how much I love you?" or "I want you so bad right now." Try making a video of you and your wife having sex. And next time you want to masterbate, watch that instead! Let her catch you watching the two of you having sex instead of watching the porn stars! Try grabbing her when she is cooking in the kitchen or kissing her neck. DON'T GIVE UP!! But don't get angry either. Next time she gets mad at you or starts yelling at you, get up and plant a big kiss on her! Let her know EVERYDAY that she is desired by you and sexy to you. Buy her something special like flowers or a card. Let her know that you want her all the time! And remember, things get worse before they get better. She might get even more angry at you at first, but keep trying! Stay away from porn movies for awhile.....these will only add fuel to the fire!

[ChristinaAnn2008]

It is completely 100% normal... its healthy too =)

[Theresa]

If I caught my husband masturbating I would think it was great and start doing it myself. I think it is sexy and would turn me on.

[JoliAvocat]

My wife caught me masturbating and can't handle it.

She is so freaked out right now and just does not understand. She obviously does not realize that 98% of men (married and unmarried) do it and having nothing nothing to do with their true love of their spouse.

Sure, our sex life is not going well. We probably have sex 5 times a year. Our marriage has problems. I love my wife to death, but she is not on my team when it comes to trying to keep our marriage strong. She has a lot on anger that she can not get past.

She also suffers from PMS which she will deny but if affects us greatly. This was definitely not the right week for this to happen. I would love to catch her in the act. I would not show her sham and would love to help her finish. I understand the separation between reality and fiction.

What do I do to let her understand that I am a normal adult male and that masturbating is not me cheating on her. She need to know that I am not unique. Every man she comes into contact with does it. This includes bosses, friends, family members, waiters, store clerks, .... everyone.

I don't think she does, but that is okay for her. I assume that people reading this would agree that masturbation is normal.

What do I do. She is just so angry.

Perhaps she is viewing this with her perspective relating to the lack of sex between you. In a healthy relationship where sex is often shared, masturbating doesn't seem so threatening. In an unhealthy relationship with very little sex, it becomes a great big why not do that with ME. I think I can see her point of view. Work out your problems and have more sex with her. Masturbation is healthy and non-threatening unless it's a replacement for a partner altogether.

[WildChild]

Wow this is an oldie! But it was fun to re-read.

[Hopeless Dork]

Wow this is an oldie! But it was fun to re-read.

Agreed! Where is this Richard S now? His words were a light in a very dark tunnel of emotions I felt reading the whole "my wife isn't as pretty as the porn stars" comment.

I think a huge insecurity porn causes is that some men, like the OP, aren't able to seperate fabricated beauty from real beauty and expect their signficants to be some ideal walking airbrushed canvas with hair extenstions and spray tan and lip injections and fake nails and breast implants and botox shots (even at freekin 25) and then on top of all that having lighting that hides all flaw... professional make up.. etc etc...

For him to even COMPARE his wife, the living breathing woman that loves him to that unatainable bullhockey made my skin crawl... richard S, saved the day lol.

Interesting walk down WH Past :P