8 yr relationship..I'm confused

[Searching_82]

I hate to break it to you but to him you are going to seem like the 'bad one'. You're initiating everything. But that is his way of dealing with it. That anger is a problem of his own that he needs to take care of, you can't do that for him.

All you can do is what I am doing. If people ask..don't beat around the bush. Be upfront with them about why you left. Don't bash your b/f but be honest. I always say "I just felt it for a while. It wasn't right. He is not a bad person by any means but he is not meant for me and I just really need some me time and learn how to do things on my own right now" That sums it up nicely and doesnt make you look like the bad guy to others. I have also found that when saying that you are faced with a lot less questions as to 'but why?" because you basically sum it up in one sentence. As long as you dont go on publicy bashing your guy...to others you will seem like the mature one making a good decision. The minute you go "ugh he's so boring! He's controlling! He's this he's that" and start playing the blame game is the moment you look like you're immature and the bad guy. Just be the bigger person and you'll be alright.

Not to mention who cares what he thinks! This is for you!! YOU! Y-O-U! Do you feel less anxiety being away from him? Does part of you feel happier? Focus on the positive...you have cared about what he thinks of you for TOO long!

[Passion]

you are young, he is young. Really think about what you want and what you don't want if you feel that you need to move on then do it. He will have a chance to meet someone new, as you. If you are really not into him anymore don't waste his time or yours. You don't want to wake up one day in your mid 30's married and then be told you don't do it for him anymore. If you want to experience more relationships now is the time to do it. Allow him to take his youth and enjoy it too. But will you be okay to see him with someone else in the future. Think about it, it might be that you just want someone else now but how will you feel when you let your boyfriend go and you see him happy with someone else? 8 years is a long time...

[czypatty]

Passion- That's exactly what has been holding me up from leaving him. I know I don't want to be with him now, not because I want someone else, but because I want to experience more things in life. Our relationship seems like its on hold and not going anywhere. I think we are just comfortable with each other but we are afraid to leave. I am really scared that he will find someone else and I will never find anybody and end up alone....I think that is my BIGGEST fear. Although, I do want time for myself right now to go out with friends and meet people.

[Searching_82]

Passion- That's exactly what has been holding me up from leaving him. I know I don't want to be with him now, not because I want someone else, but because I want to experience more things in life. Our relationship seems like its on hold and not going anywhere. I think we are just comfortable with each other but we are afraid to leave. I am really scared that he will find someone else and I will never find anybody and end up alone....I think that is my BIGGEST fear. Although, I do want time for myself right now to go out with friends and meet people.

Then go do it! You can! ) And I promise..it's scary at first but once you get over that initial fear this new you will spring out of you and you'll be like 'wow..never knew I was so much fun'...go for it ;o)

[bug0602]

Thank you for this post! This is my same situation accept I am married. Which complicates the situation. However, same solution stands for both of us I think. We need tot ake ourselves and ourlives adn put them first! Its the only way either one of us will find happiness in life I think! Thanks for sharing and letting me know there is others out there like me. Gives me the hope and the motivation to go with my gut and make myself happy for once.

[bug0602]

And thanks you searching 82 your post really have helped me realize alot!

[stressed]

I actually feel sorry for your boyfriend because it sounds like he truly loves you and means what he says. On the other hand you seem to be going through a very common phase for women who have been with their first man for many years. I've seen married couples divorce because the women felt like they didn't have much 'fun' anymore or just wanted to 'live', as if 'fun' and 'living' has anything to do with being with your first love for the rest of your life. There is no right or wrong here but it seems like you shouldn't be with this man anymore for the sake of both of you. You are young and of course you can find another good man. You could save your relationship if you really wanted to, you could find ways to enjoy your youth without breaking up, but once you start feeling this way about your life and have crushes on other men then there isn't really much you can do about it; you will always wonder if the next man would have been better for you. You have a crush on a guy at work and I'm sure it feels wonderful because it has been many years since the last time you first fell for a man; this stage always feels good whether the man is right for you or not. Just make sure that whatever you do next is what you want to do and that you won't regret it, whether you find another good man again or not. Also, keep in mind that you can't be 'in love' forever, in the sense of having butterflies in your stomach every time you see your man; this always goes away and normally changes into something stronger and deeper. You don't love him anymore, you seem to be more confused about your feelings and you care about him as a person, but you don't love him as a boyfriend. Better let him go. And to be honest, if I were that man and read this thread I'd be devastated.

[WildChild]

Having quite a few very long term relationships among family and freinds to observe (I'm the one who throws the average off) they go through ups and downs. There seem to be times that they are close to just walking and then they work through it and come out stronger and more caring. One of my siblings is approaching 30 yrs of marriage and says it's the best its ever been - yet not too many years ago we all expected to hear at any time that it was over.

You have to really weight things and decide; is it worth sacrificing all you've put into it? Remember that where ever you go you take yourself and your problems. Like a shadow you can't escape them, you may temporarily change the lighting so you don't see them but they are still there waiting for the right time to show.