Mom's of teen girls only please....

[Skybluupink]

I have a question that I'd like to hear opinions on....

First some background...

My daughter is 16 and she is a very loving, respectful girl who is very in tune with other's feelings. She is an excellent student and can be just as lazy or likes to sleep in just as much as the next teenager. She loves on me, hugs me and likes to hang out with me - thank God! But, my husband thinks she is a bit too old for this behavior and thinks she acts younger than her age at times. I tell him that just because she doesn't want to hang out with her friends 24/7 isn't a cause for concern. He describes things to me in a way that is saying: she should grow up and get a job and start driving now.

Well she just turned 16 and is scared of driving, although we've both given her some lessons these past couple of years and I'm not going to push her or tell her she has 6 months and she needs to start driving. I think this will come as she gets more and more comfortable. She in no way, acts younger than her age, she actually is a bit more mature than most girls her age. She doesn't lie, she's not into all the online blogs, she doesn't wear a ton of make-up and dresses very conservatively. She's a smart kid who knows where she wants to go to college and what she wants to do with her life. So if she lives a more sheltered life - I'm all for it. I lived a very unsheltered life and was on my own since I was 14. I know how it is to be very worldly and/or rebellious, etc., etc.

So my question to you moms of teens is: Does this sound pretty normal or on target for this age? Can you share your experiences thus far - wins/struggles.

Thank you in advance for your opinions and for sharing.

[Lakerat]

Well im not a woman....but i do have 2 teenage daughters.....and no one has replied yet.....so please dont take offense...

I think its good that you and your daughter have such a close relationship....may it always stay that close...as for driveing....as she gets a lil more comfortable with it she will probably be more willing to get her license.....all children are diffrent...when the time is right ....she will spread her wings more....as she does you may lose some of your bond you have with her...remember....she will need help and guidence...even if she doesnt act like she needs it......and sometimes for you to just listen...without comment or judgeing


good luck...in all

[Skybluupink]

Hi Lakerat,
I appreciate your reply - no worries.

I figure everything is quite normal, I just wanted to hear other's experiences. Knock on wood, I have done a good job at listening without judgement thus far and therefore she has shared a lot with me. Thanks again for posting.

[Kung Fu Kitty]

i didnt start driving until i was 25. dont push her,it wont help. perhaps buy her a bike? if she doesnt want to drive,you are under no pressure to be her taxi either. she can live with her choice..use her 2 feet or bike to get where she needs to go.but teens dont HAVE to drive.

[aksmit01]

Here is my question; how often does she get together with her friends, and when she does, is the event usually orchestrated by her or her friends? It is absolutely fine to have a close relationship with your mom, but not at the expense of social interactions with your peers. I only ask because your answer could tell me that you just have a close bond or that your daughter is a little too clingy.

As for the job issue, I got my first job when I was 15 and kept a job until I was 17. I liked making the money because it gave me a sense of independence, but my grades did slip a little. It was my choice to get a job while I was in high school, but I would never force a job onto my child. If she wants one, you should definitely support that decision because it does promote independence, but let it be her choice.

Also, I didn't get my license until I was 18. By the time I took my test, I was more than prepared and passed with flying colors. That meant that when I drove by myself for the first time that I wasn't as nervous and much more experienced. I think it is important that you make your daughter experience driving, because it is very important. Set aside a day or two a week when you take a 15 minute drive or so. What helped me initially was driving to places locally that I was very familiar with. It gave me confidence in my driving so that when we took longer drives to less familiar places, I was more sure of my abilities. But she absolutely doesn't need to rush to get her license, and shouldn't! Until she is ready, she will have friends who can give her a lift. I always did, and things were best that way. Hope that helps!

[GodsAngelbaby]

Im almost 25 ( don't have kids but was once a teen)(but want kids as i LOVE babies )

i don't drive and realy dont eve seening myself driving i have been in a lot of accidents that freaked me out made me so scared to even rid with others i get panic attacks. i also seen a lot and in one accident i seen my best friend (16 at the time get killed and her sister almost died)

my family never to this day understand why i dont want to drive they are very angry with me all the time but its okay and maybe someday i will
but pushing does not do any good the best push is to not always take her if u dont have time..ect then someday she will get fed up with not being able to just go when she wants (within limits lol) and fight her own fears.

she sounds normal and wonderful and i'm sure that as stated each child grows up and down in there own ways and as long as ya'll keep your bonded ways she will grow up soon enough

good luck

gabby

[shebbie]

Sorry, I too am not a mother of teens yet (have about 15 years to go now), but I remember being scared to death about driving. My parents didn't force it on me, and did what Kitty said by telling me that I had 2 feet and could go places I wanted if I walked there. I eventually got tired with it because I couldn't find a job at the time that was close enough to walk to and got my license (but then again, I wanted to work, too).

I remember being extremely close with my mom, and fairly distant with my dad during high school, too. I was involved in church and loved being a good kid, and I loved spending time with my mom. She seemed to be cooler than everyone elses' moms who were constantly grounding them for one reason or another. I don't think my closeness with my mom was at all a bad thing. I was never made fun of for it and she was the one person I felt the most comfortable around.

I say, don't worry about it. In fact, you should enjoy it. Most moms would kill to have their teenage daughter spend quality time with them. Perhaps your husband feels slightly left out if she favors you over him?

[Talitha]

I'm not a mother of teens, but I am a teen your daughters age. What you said about your daughter pretty much describes me too. I'm very close to my mom, I am scared of driving too... Well, I'm not really as excited about it as my friends get when we are having conversations about driving. My mom isn't pushing me to start driving either, and I appreciate that.

My dad on the other hand wouldn't like the idea of me not jumping at the chance to get my driving licence immediately, now that I am able to. His opinion on that doesn't matter anymore anyways since my parents are divorced and I live with my mom. But even before we moved out, when I was still 13/14, he would count down (or count up rather, since I'm getting older) my age and when I'd be ready to start learning how to drive.

Maybe I'm so close to my mom because I only live with her now, but we've always been close anyways. There is no "Guide for your teen" where you can check what "normal" behaviour is or what is not. Acting responsible, like a young adult should, isn't "acting younger than your age". It's just being who you are, in my opinion. But because of the stereotypical teenage behaviour most people are familiar with, when a teen actually does the opposite of what is normally stereotypically expected from them, people wonder whether they are normal, or they are actually rejected by other teens, and are given names such as "geek/nerd/dork" and portrayed as the "losers". Lol, i'm sure you've seen doses of it in those American teen movies.

As far as her hanging out with you rather than with her friends go, I don't see that as a problem either. Sure, I see my friends at school, but I personally choose not to mix with the likes of the "stereotypical teenager" outside of school. I know what my friends get up to, we are at a rebelious stage, if I was your husband, I'd be happy my daughter is not being taken over by her hormones but instead knows how to behave regardless of the stage she is at right now.

Sometimes, my mom worries I'm not acting like a normal teenager as well, since I stay home a lot, and prefer going out with her. But I guess I just prefer the "safe" life and frankly, I fear I might mix with the wrong people even if I don't want to, and do other things unwillingly due to peer presure since I've been there before, at the age of 12 and realized that being the way the people I was surrounded by were, just wasn't me.

This is me, I try to be responsible, take my education seriously, especially since I see it as a privilege (while most children see it as torture, lol). I'm respectful, try not to make the wrong decisions, but ofcourse, I'm still just a teenager, and still have some of the behaviours associated with us. I can be lazy sometimes, my room is currently messy, I love chatting/reading blogs/catching up with friends on social networking sites, and I LOVE sleeping in. :P

There is no rule book or manual that comes with a teenager, society just applies the obvious behaviours to all of us, and that's what most people will then expect, but everyone is different. Your daughter is prefectly fine in my opinion. Hope that helped. Sorry for the long essay reply, hehe.

[withered_rose]

I am not a mother my self but I have how ever had some rough times with me and my mother. Cherish every moment with her especially at the fact that she wants to spend time with you. Every mother and daughter relationship is different and yours just may be special like that, to be able to talk and hang out and things like that. It's nothing to worry about and as for the driving thing, I think once all of her friends really start driving she will want to do the same. It will all happen in time, every one is different. I wish you luck and love with your daughter.

[aljs]

I'm a mother of a 16 year old. She is very outgoing at school, has lots of friends at school but doesn't spend alot of time outside of the house with her friends (she knows that I would pretty much allow her to do most anything - within reason). I have asked her why and she has told me that right now her friends are all interested in boys and parties and she would rather concentrate on her future goals of university.
Her and I spend alot of time together and talk alot - I love my relationship with my daughter. She has started to learn to drive, but it's all at her pace as she feels comfortable. She works part time, but again this was her decision not mine. I'm just enjoying the time I have left with her before she leaves home.
Another outlook..... my nieces are 17 and 15 and have been denied to do things so much that they have now rebelled and the situation between them and their mom has become so bad that they have no relationship left.