my fiance is addicted to porn and i'm so lost

[awcmon]

It wouldn't matter if I was married to supermodel, I'd probably still look at porn. And I wouldn't love her any less.

If you're referring to the emotion of love - that is, you wouldn't feel any less love for her - maybe so.

But in terms of the act of loving your wife - that is, making a conscious decision to love her - I'm not sure your statement holds up.

Many men could make similar statements about any kind of infidelity - I could sleep with several other women & still feel love for my wife.

That's because the love you feel is largely a response to what she does.

Your active choosing to love her is about what you do. And the love she feels is a response to your choices of behavior.

Interestingly, this topic seems to reveal that a lot of women feel unloved when their husbands choose to look at porn.

I think maybe the average guy's perspective on this is misplaced.

[Married15]

I think maybe the average guy's perspective on this is misplaced

I'm not a guy and I do not feel any less loved just cause hubby looks at porn!

Many men could make similar statements about any kind of infidelity - I could sleep with several other women & still feel love for my wife

There is a huge difference between looking and touching!

9 out of 10 times that I hear "it hurts me that he looks at porn" there are WAY deeper issue's than the porn and the porn is the outlet for those issue's!...Whether those issue's are within the women herself or the relationship as a whole...The porn is not the issue, something else is!

[awcmon]

9 out of 10 times that I hear "it hurts me that he looks at porn" there are WAY deeper issue's than the porn and the porn is the outlet for those issue's!...Whether those issue's are within the women herself or the relationship as a whole...The porn is not the issue, something else is!

I think you have to be careful here. Your assumption is that because it doesn't bother you when your husband looks at porn, there's something wrong with any other woman who is bothered by it.

My experience has been very different from yours - 9 of 10 times I've encountered this, it's been porn use expressing problems within the husband.

Either way, there's really no way to define for us all what is normal or even acceptable. I should have probably qualified, my post was intended to speak to relationships in which a guy repeatedly uses porn even when his wife has made it clear it hurts her (which I think is more typical), like the one described by the person who started this thread.

Often when someone experiences hurt over this issue, others belittle or dismiss their pain because they, themselves, don't mind it in their marriage - so why should anyone else? "If it doesn't bother me, and I'm a wife, it shouldn't bother any wife."

[Married15]

I just don't get(and I'm not young) how in the world "looking" at something can hurt anyone...Your husband is married to YOU(collectively speaking)...Now, if he is replacing you with porn, yeah he has an issue! But I can't wrap my head around "I feel like I'm not enough cause he looks at porn"..I mean he comes to your bed and comes to you for sex. He tells you he loves you, he hugs you and is there for you!...looking at porn(big word for nekkid women/men having nookie)is just that looking at it.

Someone once said to me one day. I started to say "he made me feel like..."...She stopped me and said "NO ONE can MAKE you feel any way, You choose to feel that way".

I could never had said it better. My husband doesn't "make me feel" anything, I choose to feel the things I feel and if I know deep inside that how I am feeling is either not fair or just "crazy"(for lack of better words) then I re-think it and figure out why I felt that and changed it.

As I said above, my thinking and feelings on the subject are based on a relationship where porn has been nothing but a compliment. Meaning no abuse or replacement.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

he admitted to me about 3 years ago that he had a pornography addiction.

The OP, whom by the way left after saying they had worked it out, has stated that her fiance came to "her" told "her" that he was addicted... He also told "her" that he hates himself for it, it upsets him after he does it... And, so she has been working with him over this "addiction", and through the course of this, it has made her feel degraded, un-loved, and not wanting to go near him. They also tried to block the porn... So, I can only assume that this was ( an addiction), an on-going, daily, thing that she had to deal with... He didn't say I love porn so if you don't like that then don't go out with me... He said, he's addicted and clearly asked for help....

ADDICTED TO PORN

Married15

As I said above, my thinking and feelings on the subject are based on a relationship where porn has been nothing but a compliment. Meaning no abuse or replacement.

ACCEPTED IN A RELATIONSHIP

With threads, we express our "opinions" personally and this is all I see... based on Porn being a welcoming into a home...


LOW SELF ESTEME

Unfortunately, some guys only look a little, and that's enough to blow the self esteme but yes, that is "your" problem who ever you are, if this is the case, because if your confident and love whom you are, it's not an issue, there, it is a case of you not feeling your own self worth, in my opinion:

There are so many diffferences with the way people look at porn and how they feel about it.

CW

[yellowpiXi3]

hey lucky.
i hope that you work out what it is you have to in your relationship. i can see that plenty of people have already given you some advice. i am posting to you in hopes that you can see it from a different perspective. i am a chick that enjoys to watch porn. i also don't mind watching it with my boyfriend or if he watches it alone.(either way, i have to admit it gets me excited.) from what i gather its not the actors or actress that is turning men or women on entirely. i think it has to do with the feeling of being wanted. if you notice when a girl gives head in porn she looks directly into the camera. it makes you feel like she's enjoying what she does. and she's doing it for "you" (if you're a guy) i might have to agree what someone said. maybe you and your fiance can make your own movie.( if you feel comfortable enough)

i hope i helped in some way. i guess i'm a little different than other women. about the "porn" issue in a relationship. good luck

<3

[Married15]

The OP, whom by the way left after saying they had worked it out,

we were merely having an adult discussion! Stating our opinions on the porn, yes the OP posted he was addicted but as threads work, they grew to other issue's of porn and that is what we were discussing, I thought.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

we were merely having an adult discussion! Stating our opinions on the porn, yes the OP posted he was addicted but as threads work, they grew to other issue's of porn and that is what we were discussing, I thought.

CW
With threads, we express our "opinions" personally and this is all I see...

There are so many diffferences with the way people look at porn and how they feel about it.

Pretty sure, I stated that...

Merely answering the poster above you, regarding the OP's personal situation and that she has sorted that, at this stage, and so the thread is of topic, discussion....

CW

[Married15]

Pretty sure, I stated that...

Merely answering the poster above you, regarding the OP's personal situation and that she has sorted that, at this stage, and so the thread is of topic, discussion....

CW

Aww darn, my bad..I completly thought you were talking to me regarding staying on topic...!!!!

Sorry about the misunderstandig!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Aww darn, my bad..I completly thought you were talking to me regarding staying on topic...!!!!

Sorry about the misunderstandig!!!

HAHA Nup....

In addition... like you... if it's not an "addictive" thing that destroys , I also don't give a rats... Guess confidence, is very much a key in that regard.