Why I hate my mother

[rcoreyus]

You have a degree in math. That is a terrific achievement. You should do what YOU want with your life. Your mother can give advice, but you are an adult and it is your life. Find some field that interests you. Math can take you lots of places: science, finance, statistics, engineering - there are fine interesting jobs in all of these.

If you are interested in art, that is great too. Maybe math and art can be combined in modern graphics, movie / game design, etc? (I don't know much about that field)

It is difficult when parents don't respect your choices.

(Post moved from other thread) ended up on top? haha. sorry elsa

[elsa_niloo]

My mother used to be my best friend but lately i just hate her so much that i feel like i want to choke her.

I am friggin 24 years old and she still had a pull over me. She is sick and lonely so i call her and occasionally drop by to see her, but i hate her soooo much.
I hate her because I paid for my own education and am 60,000 in debt and got a degree in math which i cant find a job with and she's forcing me to apply for medical school.
How the heck am i to get the money for medical school and worst than that i hate being a doctor.

She keeps badgering me for not doing the things that i want, not knowing that my husband and I are going through some rough times and can't afford them. She thinks my husband is rich and i am afraid to tell her the truth because she will yell at me and put him down.
I love my husband.


I hate my mother.
she's critical, manipulative and i don't want to see her anymore. But she's sick and lonely and miserable and i think i miss the old days when we used to be best friends so i keep going back to her.

Are all mothers like this or is it just mine? why do i still love her so much then?

[WildChild]

If you are 24 and married how can she force you to do anything?This makes no sense.

[sourpuss]

How is she 'forcing you to go to medical school'?

No one who is 24, married, and put themselves through college is 'forced' to do anything.

You're allowing yourself to be controlled by her because you feel sorry for her. Buck up and life your life on YOUR TERMS, not hers. Visit, make small talk and avoid topics like school and money, etc. If she asks, just tell her everything is fine and that you are happy. Talk about the weather or her favorite TV program.

[elsa_niloo]

she is not forcing me, she just acts dissapointed when i do tell her i am no longer interested in medical school.
She used to be my best friend for a long time and yes you are right i let her control me because i feel sorry for her.

i have actually taken this routine of going there, making small talk and leaving because i can't tolerate her anymore.
It is sad to lose my best friend but huh what else can i do? i am sick and tired of being badgered.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh dear.

Well ............

Your Mother wanted the best for you,
She ok, went a bit far in expectations but you went through with it and now you are in debt up to your eyeballs. $60k.

You Mother "thought" you married a guy with money, you say oh Chandlers you are sweet, but, but, you thought he had money too but he lied.

Are you sure, it's your "best friend" your Mother you are angry with or your husband? "

Here you say you love him, this is it not the guy who said he had money but doesn't" Lied?

You are a sweet, you went along with what your Mother told you because either she wanted to be something and didn't or wanted her child to be someone, but you according to you,

How the heck am i to get the money for medical school and worst than that i hate being a doctor

Seems you did what she wanted and you are mad, because it's not what you want...

Seems you are mad cause the husband lied, but you are still in denial and that is okay, he doesn't have money but she think he has...

WHY be angry at her?

Have a think... I won't say any more for now but I will.

CW

[happy ending]

you sound to me as if you are having a delayed adolscence - stop blaming your mother for everything, be proud of yourself for putting yourself through college and stop trying to please her. if you need a break from her to get your head straight tell her, it sounds to me as if she is manipulative yes, but as if she loves her daughter, let me hazard a guess that you are an only child?

[elsa_niloo]

i do not blame anyone for saying anything to me cause you are all right.
and as for you chandlers oh my god you're so right. I am just in heck of a life, i dont know what to do.
I don't want to leave my husband but i dont want to confront him either. I love him so i want to work with him.
and as for my mother i don't want to dissapoint her but i can't tell her the truth either. I just can't stand up to her even though she is right.

she was a single mother and tried to do the best for us but she is over protective and very controlling. my siblings and i love her but we just cant be around her for a long time.

i am just in a wreck, with financial problem, career problems, family problems. sometimes i want to scream and run away to god knows where but that would be taking the easy way out.
my relationship with my husband is getting better as we get to know each other more and i am starting to like him more but we the financial burden is just unbearable. We have been spending like crazy since last year, with the wedding and the honeymoon and he never once told me that he was craving into his savings and we have so much credit card debt.

I know you say i should confront him and i have but what am i to do? i can either stay and help him get over this or i can break our bond over money and go back to my mothers and admit that i have failed.

what would you do if you were me? if you want to be frank, please be. I will not get hurt by what you say.

[Joy]

Nope you can't run....... running doesn't solve anything and eventually you have to turn around and face it.... might as well face it head on now.

1... you love your husband so money really doesn't matter cause money will come and go in our life times a hundred times or more. This is an obstacle you guys have to jump and be responsible about and get real about your money issues and set some financial goals and a plan to get out of debt. The blame game doesn't work... just do it.
2. Your mother is manipulative... if she wanted to be a dr well then she should have made the choice to be so ... single mother or not.... lots of ppl with bigger hurdles do greater things... so her not accomplising this cause of you kids....... is an excuse. She can not live thru you not matter what no one can.

3. take your problems break them down into smaller parts and work at them each day with a plan and goal in mind..... you will see they won't disappear immidatly but they will become more manageable.

4. Be good to yourself.... exercise, eat right, get the sleep you need cause you need your health

You are your own woman you do not have to make others happy..... OUR own happiness is dependant on our own attitude so if your mom acts sad well that is really her problem not yours.

good luck keep us posted

[Joy]

OH and btw... if your mom is sick be good to her she may be acting up further if she thinks her own life is coming to an end and all that she ever wanted never came to be. She still made the choice of what she put her energy into in life. Don't allow her to guilt you or your siblings into taking on that responsiblity.....

spend your time with her talking about he good times and the things you love about each other