I don't know why I feel like this

[Childofares]

I am a new Mom to a 6 week old boy. When he came home everything was great! Sure he cried a lot, wanted to be held, and whatnot but that is what babies do right?

OK so same thing still..Just a little louder cry and a bit more often so why am I so angry? I'm just breaking down in tears 3-4 times a day. That isn't me. I never cry, and am normally the calmest person I know. It's not just the baby screaming that makes me frustrated but the fiance. He leaves for work at 2:30-ish and gets home at midnight-ish. He usually watches for the baby to wake up from about 1am when I lay down til 3 when he eats. That's it. I feel irrational but that leaves me with about 20 something hours of fussy baby and I'm just..overwhelmed. My mom says anger is a form of post-partum but what do you do?

I just am beginning to think I made a mistake and cannot do this after all. The swing doesn't help, holding him doesn't help, the crib doesn't help he just won't stop crying and there isn't anything wrong with him.

[WildChild]

Are you breast feeding or bottle. He could have any upset tummy. Try changing your diet. Your hormones are adjusting and having a baby is a big adjustment. Have you got a front pack or sling? He spent 9 months close to your heart, hearing your heart and breathing is very comforting. Trying some deep breathing and calming yourself, you baby feels your energy, he is very tuned to you. When you are stressed, he feels it. Can mom haelp give you a break now and then?

If you have to, give yourself a time out. Put him down and escape for 5 mins or so.

[Married15]

When he gets fussy try giving him some warm water..It will help calm his tummy...Another thing, wrap him tightly in a blanket, hold him with his head up on your chest and swing him side to side, in a fast motion...It will basically "make" him fall asleep, the motion is too much for them to fight...Also you can pick up "gas drops" from your local pharm....If he gets fussy and there is NOTHING else wrong, try the gas drops...He may be a little colicy at the moment..Are you warming EVRYTHING you give him(besides the breast milk)

And yes, if you are BF'ing you need to watch your diet because he will get upset tummy's from what you eat...

Keep your chin up hunny, it does get easier I PROMISE!!!..I have 4 kids and the baby stages are tough..Especially when your hubby is working all the time and you are left to take care of baby...

It won't hurt him to cry, it actually helps their lungs..Have to tried letting him cry for a few minutes in his crib to see if he will go on to sleep??

[cmoneileena1]

I was VERY frustrated with my first child as well. There was nothing wrong with her but she would just cry and cry. Some suggestions:


Make a tape recording of some white noise (a hair dryer running is good) and play it for the baby, it will mimic the types of noises he used to hear inside your body and calm him down.

Make sure you swaddle him tightly to mimic the tight confines of the uterus

Does he like the bath? A warm bath used to calm my first down when she was upset. She liked to be naked!

When all else fails it is ok to just put the baby down and walk away. If he cries, he cries. Eventually all children have to learn to comfort themselves. I used to get a shower so I could not hear my daughter while she was screaming. So long as your son is safe in his crib he will be fine crying while you take a 20 minute shower and regain your composure.

All of those feelings you are having are NORMAL for a new mother. Almost all of us felt frustrated, inadequate and a bit like we were losing our minds. The crying and feeling like you made a mistake sound very much like postpartum depression. Don't worry, it WILL pass. If you are worried talk to your doctor, he or she may have some suggestions on how to deal with it. Take everything a day at a time, or an hour at a time if you have to and before you know it you will be celebrating your sons first birthday and feeling like there is nothing you can't handle... until he starts walking!

[Hopeless Dork]

Sleep depravation can be adding to your stress level and irritability tremendously. You need more help. Even if you are staying at home, having a family member or a trusted neighbor/friend come and babysit while you are home could help you tremendously. Just someone to come visit and hold the baby while you take a long bath, take a nap, do chores, read a book.

A newborn can be overwelming but it will get better as he starts sleeping for longer periods of time, giving you more time in between to catch up and still have time for yourself.

I know some parents that have had very fussy babies and nothing seemed to help and the only way they made it through without pulling their own hair out was with some helping hands.

I was young and alone when I had my baby, but ended up getting my mother to help me. I can't imagine how I could have handled it alone - and even though you have your fiance, as many hours as he is gone .. you are doing it alone a lot it seems.

The good thing with babies is fussy or not you probably have grandparents, aunties etc that would love to come and cuddle him - take advantage of that and invite them on over as often as possible. Not to mention it will also be nice having some adults around to talk to, that alone can make you feel better.

You questioning your decisions, etc.. not uncommon at all - you have major hormonal changes going on right now, you are not sleeping much and you are not getting the support you need from what I can gather. Don't be afraid to ask for help- I know a lot of moms are ashamed to ask.. thinking people will think of less of them , that they aren't able to 'handle' it. Anyone that is a mom knows we all have our moments of feeling we are in over our head.

Finding a local support network of other new moms could help a lot, sharing tips, and being able to vent similiar concerns and frustrations..check community bulliten boards for exercise classes, book clubs etc.. that cater to moms and their new babies.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hopeless Dork
Sleep depravation can be adding to your stress level and irritability tremendously. You need more help.

I have to say that this is the first thing that I thought of as well.

I am sensing that your fiance get's home, you wake up to say hello to him? He then "listens out for the baby" and eats, whilst you know that you can finally close your eyes into a deep sleep.

Then when he gets home, it's 2.30pm in the afternoon, but I imagine, he is tired, and you don't even get to laugh or joke around with him...

You probably prepare something else for him to eat as well before he goes to sleep.

How much rest does he get? How many hours sleep does he get from midnight until 2.30pm?

I appreciate he is working, they are long hours and well, wrong hours, for a relationship but probably the only way you all can survive a bit.

You need to get a "plan" happening between you both as well.

He in affect has 14 yrs before starting work again... Even if you can get a nap when the baby goes down, and he attends to it, if it crys, needs changing, a bottle, early afternoon, midday , you need to rest yourself...

You need to sit down with him and form a plan that hopefully can include grandparents as well as him, and I hope he can change shifts, jobs, in the near future as you two as a couple have no life either.

CW

[umhald]

I have three babies all under three. They all scream at the same time...frustrating. One thing I learned from my second child was a couple little things called colic and reflux. i used 'gripe water' and those Dr/ Browns bottles. They worked for me. Good luck. All of the above advice is also really good.

[Bounty2009]

I know it can be hard and you wont be the first person to feel like this! Know that you are not alone and lots of people will have to go through this (sadly) but you will always have people to turn to. Perhaps you might like to speak to a doctor about this, as PND can affect a lot of women and it seems you may have a mild form, which is totally normal and there is a lot out there to help. Dont suffer alone! I think it always helps to talk to people with similar experiences i really hope you find your happy ending to hun, but you have to stay optimistic. Like I said; I think that seeing your doctor to discuss your concerns is a good idea too. Very best of luck to you hunnybun, I really hope things get better soon, but you have to stay positve! xxxx

[florencenightingale]

All of the advice given above is good. However, I wouldn't suggest giving him water. That's just me.

Becoming a mother is hard. It's a part of your life full of changes. You're going through changes in lifestyle, your emotions, your responsibilities and your hormones. If you truly feel overwhelmed I would talk to your OB at your 6 week check-up (call if it's already past) and tell him/her how you're feeling. They can offer to give you some medications to help you relax and be more patient while learning all this new stuff!

My daughter screamed a lot too until she was diagnosed with reflux at 8 weeks old and was put on medication (bethanechol and prevacid). If you're bottle feeding, you can add cereal to the formula to help thicken it and help it stay down. If he's not puking it could be what's called "silent reflux", where they vomit but it doesn't go past the top of the esophagus. There isn't anything wrong with him if he has reflux, it's just that his stomach muscles aren't strong enough to hold the food in and he'll grow out of it.

If your pediatrician says the baby has colic, find a new pediatrician. (I know I will get flamed for this.) I don't believe in colic. Never have and never will. Working in the medical field and knowing all the possibilities with babies I have come to realize that colic is nothing more than an unresolved issue. If they blame colic, tell them no, or find a pediatrician that is willing to work with you to find out the cause of his discomfort/irritation.

Definition of colic: uncontrollable crying in a baby that has no known cause.

Good luck to you and try not to worry. We all have our down times as mother's and they'll soon pass!

[Kung Fu Kitty]

you need more of a support system,you cant do this on your own.have you tried walking him in the stroller for a bit? sometimes that helps if the house is too hot.a rocking chair is also a godsend for fussy babies.but like it was suggested before... put him down,and take a breather 5-10 minutes... IT WONT HURT HIM! too many people feel guilty over letting the baby cry.