What keeps you going

[crossco]

Was having a bit o' wine last night, feeling a bit sorry for myself I'm afraid. About a year ago, I started isolating, stopped doing normal routine things. Unlike many women around this age, kids don't need me, parents are gone.

Life consists of work, husband, cats. Kind of pathetic. What keeps you going?

[WildChild]

If by 'many women around this age' you mean fiftyish, there is nothing unusual in your kids not needing you so much or in having lost your parents. Start by looking at what is good. Are your kids out in the world on their own? That's the goal in raising them - for them to become healthy, productive people! Good job. While it's sad your parents are gone, think of how many people are dealing with aging parents who have alzheimers or some other degenerative conditions and they are the care givers. changing diapers and feeding an adult they love who may not even recognize who they are.

You have a job, how many people are out of work right now? Losing their homes? Everything they've worked for? You have a husband - you're not complaining of him? That's a big plus. You've got cats? Some of us have lost pets in various ways or live someplace where we can't have any.

You've got plenty of pluses, sounds like you've hit a flat spot. Do you exersize? Work out? That can be a real mood booster. Why not do something different? What's something you've wanted to do or know more about and never persued? Go take a class, learn it, do it. Start meeting a freind for breakfast or coffee at least once a week. No freinds? Start chatting people up. Check out the local library, museums, other places that bring in speakers and start attending, even if it doesn't sound really interesting just expose yourself to different things. Hit the thrift shop an buy something funny or funky to wear - a bright red hat, a feather boa, anything that catches your eye and makes you smile. This is your time to come into your own and do what interests you instead of serving everyone else. Time to find value in filling your own needs and interests.

Did you used to ferry your kids all over town for activities? Do it for yourself. You found time to fit it in your schedule for them you can fit it for you. Plan some fun stuff for you and your hubby too.

[crossco]

Yes I exercise regularly, and I plan things to do with my husband. Agreed, it's great that the kids are out on their own. And as far as pursuing interests, I've been going to school for I don't know how long. I'm in the education field.

Mainly I have withdrawn from friends and other interests and have zero sex drive (which I wouldn't mention b/c I don't miss it, but it complicates the marriage; and I was extremely interested for many years, but one day - poof!- it was gone).

I should visit the doc to rule out any physical causes I'm thinking. Thanks again for the feedback.

[WildChild]

Oh dear, I joke that my primary symptom of perimenopause is extreme horniness - but it's true. You should get a copy of the book, The Orgasm Loop, I really like that book! Sex is good for you and orgasm is important for your health.

The education thing I'm thinking of is more exploring something different and new. Not just CE. Just something to shake it up and get the dust out so to speak.

Absolutely see a doc, get a full physical. That's a good thing to do regularly.

[Grammy Cake]

Hi, I am new to this...and I just read something about cold flashes. I am 51...I to am always cold I just thought it was a family thing my mother and grandmother were always cold. My blood pressure and pulse is low no high blood pressure no nothing. I do get dizzy and get light headed. And what I thought might be arthritis may not be...my knee hurts alot when the cold hits it's like a something is poking at me the pain really gets to me. And when I sit for a while and then get up to walk I feel so stiff and it hurts to walk. I never get hot or sweat...I do however have trouble sleeping that I never had before was not sure if that is part of anything...well anyway if someone could shed some light on this I would be greatful. Thank You.