Older sister lies

[Luckyfeather]

I don't know where to begin, but I would definitely appreciate anyone that has advice on how to deal w/ my older sister.
We have never been really close, pretty much her choice not mine. She is completely opposite from myself. I always thought I could deal with her "strange" ways. Long story short, my husband passed away 1 1/2 yrs ago. That was my 2nd marriage. I was divorced from my first husband for 10yrs when my husband passed. When my husband passed, my first husband was there for me as we have 2 daughters together and he wasn't married. My first husband and I got back together, got remarried and we are very happy. Well, my sister sent me an email several days ago saying that she couldn't understand why we got back together after everything that happened. She said some very, very nasty things. This was all after she basically gave us her blessing and then got our mother involved saying she thought it was too soon after my husbands death. It was hurtful, but when I asked my mother about it, my mother said she never said anything negative against me getting back w/ my husband. My mother asked my sister about the email and she said it was not sent by her. My sister says that someone hacked into her computer and wrote that email. Now she has put a wedge between us once again and has my mom believing it as well. What can I do? I call our ISP and they say that ppl can hack into computers but they don't usually go to someones email to send malicious emails. I dont know how to handle any of this as my sister and I work at the same place. It really hurts that she is lying over and over and people believe her. Also our ISP said that they can put tracers on emails to see exactly where they came from. They also said it's highly unlikely that someone hacked in. Any suggestions would be so much appreciated!!

[N01]

well there are a few things it could be. maybe she remembers things from the first time you 2 were married and still doesnt like them. maybe she's jealous you've remarried so quick. maybe she just had an episode of some sort.

maybe you should chalk it up to another one of her strange ways and try to ignore it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Tell us more about your Sister.

Is she married? Has she been? Children? Happy in life?

What about her job verses your job?

Are you the youngest of the family? Obviously your younger than her....

And, truthfully, how did the first marriage actually end?

I think if you provide us with a bit more information we can answer more appropriately with hopefully a form of a solution.

N01 has tried to guess and if you can appreciate, "well done to him" but guessing aint really going to help now is it. Even though some of his answers would even fit into my questions above.

CW

[Luckyfeather]

My sister is 5 yrs older than me. I am the youngest of 3 kids, she is the oldest. My brother is 2 yrs older and we were close growing up. My sister and I were never close, but we did things together when I was married to my husband the first time. Our marriage ended bc my husband went through open heart surgery 37 yrs of age and he had a hard time coping w/ it. We ultimately divorced, but we both knew we were and are meant for each other. We had alot of difficult times and we didn't handle it well to say the least. My 2nd husband died suddenly in the summer of '07 and my present husband and I just got remarried one month ago. So my husband was deceased well over a year and everyone seemed so happy about our remarriage, including my sister.
Now she sends this email stating that NO ONE can understand why we got back together...not to mention alot of other ugly things she said and she included my mother in her email. My mother confronted her about her email statments and my sister made up this story that it was a hacker and she never wrote that. That is the part that bothers me the most...If she didn't approve of me getting back together w/ my husband I can deal w/ that. But to tell ppl that she never wrote that email and her computer was hacked into, that's another story.
She is a manager in another dept where I work, so I don't work directly w/ her. She has been married for over 30 yrs and has 2 grown children. I can get over the fact that we will never be close, but to continue to lie over and over really bothers me. If she has a problem w/ my remarriage, OK, but the "hacker" story is ridiculous. When I spoke w/ her about her email, she screamed at me that how dare I insult her that I would think for one minute she wrote that. I know it all sounds ridiculous, but I have to see her almost everyday at work. That's where I need suggestions to how to handle her, bc I think she believes her own lies.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's too hard to say, if she did or didn't do it.. If it was from a work computer, it's possible... She may have said something in "her opinion" about it to someone, and maybe your Mum, has a fear regardless of age, that your marriage didn't work the first time ... and someone whom doesn't like you wrote it... If from her home address, I find that hard too.

You say she wasn't close to you growing up, and that she is opposite.

You were the youngest of 3, the middle was a boy... You didn't really get along then .

You being the youngest may have got a bit more attention than she did from your Mother, there may be resentment there, or her 30 year marriage may be dull, lifeless and boring, yet you found love twice, and the men didn't leave for "extra marital affairs", rather genuine problems, unfortunate ones, she may be jealous of that.

I just think that she is jealous full stop of something and that is her problem not yours, haunting her.

If she won't open up and be friends with you, at this age in a proper fashion, she never is going to.

I would sit with your mum and ask her if she is frightened 10 years on, that problems may arise again in this marriage and if so your thankful that she cares and see what she says....

I would say to your sister, well regardless, your my sister, it's no big deal, you would have to be happy for me after what has happened to me... Make her stop and think...

And, from there, I would concentrate only on your marriage, it's new and you two are what are important at the end of the day... You can chose your partner, not your family.

I know it's hard because you work in the same place, but it's her loss, problem, not yours so smile knowing that you are happy, and think those thoughts each time she walks by you.

CW

[swanny]

hi,i have a similar problem with my sister she is only 10 mths older than me and causes problems in everything i have ever done in my life,
i have now broken ties with her and with doing that my mum always takes her side and dont talk to me, i put it all down to jealousy without a doubt its made me so misserable over the years but now i live my life my way and im happy so its there loss and they will want me before i want them!!!
if your happy let it go and have little contact because she will destroy everything you love,some may say lifes to short but why spend it misserable...
all i can say is good luck xx

[Luckyfeather]

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that she didn't admit it in the frist place. Hey, I was hurt when I read her initial email, but I am a very forgiving person. But to go on and tell some crazy story, (hacker) that we all know isn't true is the part I can't get beyond.
Poeple at work have said things to me about her in the past, and I always took up for her or ignored it.
Sister relationships aren't the easiest, but I think my sister has gone to great lengths to estrange herself not only from me, but other members of her family.
Thanks for all the advice, and yes I will just smile and go on and be happy.

My parents have given us their blessing over and over. Life goes on and I am not going to let her take another happy moment away from me. It's her problem not mine and at the end of the day I can say I tried w/ her over and over.