Husband doesn't like idea of stay at home mom!

[nannyof5]

Hello Ladies- I need some good advice here!

I'm not a mother yet- not even pregnant. But within the next couple of years, my husband and I know we want to start our family. I didn't finish school, so I don't have a degree...which means I don't really have a career. I've been a nanny to 5 kids for almost two years, and I love it.

He keeps trying to encourage me to go back to school so that I can start a career. I am not against going back to school, I would actually love to. The thing is though, I'm not interested in a career out in the work force once I have chidren.

I want my career to be staying at home with my kids and keeping our housework up! I know as a nanny that being a stay at home mom is one of the hardest jobs, and you don't even get paid for it.

He thinks that the kids would have "mommy overload." what can I say to him about this??? Its not too much about money- he has a really high paying job, but he wants me to keep working so we can still have our lifestyle. I personally think our lifestyle will change anyway once we have a baby...

advice please!! thanks!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am confused, do you get paid for being a Nanny to 5 kids?

You state being a Nanny "that being a stay at home mum", that's totally different you are a Mother.

A lot of women love the idea of the picket fence, food cooking, looking after their children, tending house but it does become very needy emotionally on your husband that being, can't wait for him to get home, take over a bit, give you a break from the kids and all of a sudden there is tension.

Working part time even is good for your soul, gets you away from the kids for a bit, into a world of your own, and the extra money does help you be able to go out and enjoy "me time" with your man, instead of his hard earned dollars purely paying for schooling, and food, and mortgage and bills...

Is that the life you want? Stay at home full stop? Can't afford "me time together?". Whilst grandparents look after the kids for a night once a week?

Also, working part time enables you to buy that dress, enables you to meet people and connect and really does take of the pressure of 24/7 sleepless nights, running after kids.

And, they also have a stable home but also mingle with other's kids and not so dependent upon you, "where's mummy", as she is all they see day in day out...

It's not a bad thing when you look at it like that.

CW

[happy ending]

i think your husband is a bit niave if he thinks your "lifestyle" wont change after having children, but other than that i agree with chandlers wish, its great to work even part time, the children dont suffer but enjoy being with other people and so do you. theres nothing wrong with that. maybe you could work at a day care centre and take baby with you - well thats just one suggestion. you still get to talk to your adult co-workers, but keep an eye on baby. i worked when my daughter was small, firstly in our family business from the time she was two weeks old, but i could take her to work with me. then i went back to part time (20 hours a week) when she was a year old. she loved the lady that took care of her and i really enjoyed working. now she is 11 and we couldnt be closer and more loving. but thats just my experience, perhaps other people have some bad stories.

[reilu]

okay....i dont have children.....so my advice might be obsolete........but here goes... this is just my opinion......

im not saying that all women have to be stay at home moms, but i just feel that in the really early years of a child's life, they need to be raised by their parents. i hate when parents will just shove their child off to the day care everyday. alright, i understand there are some situations where this is the only option. i get that. but i just wish that parents would play a bigger part in their childrens lives.

why have children when they are going to be raised by someone else?? again, i dont have children, so maybe i should shut my mouth, but its my opinion. dont scorn me!!

[In-Need]

Im with you reilu, so your not alone. As far as I'm concerned that's why we have problem with some of our children of the world today, again I too don't have a problem with the Mother working if she wants to and it works for them.

Part of the problem I feel tho is not that the woman necessarily goes to work but all to often when this happens the Man does not pull his fair share of the load at home.

The wife then comes home and still does all the chores and taking care of the children, then causing an overload in that condition.

But I wouldn't want a day care center taking care of my children because they may not raise them the way I want them to. I'm talking about standards and the way they may discipline them. All to often the kid will be in a 2 fold environment that teaches different discipline styles. I'm not talking just about correction neither.

My kids and step kids loved too have there mother at home. there's alot to do with stability in a home like that. Again it's most important to their early learning years because by the time they are 10-12 meaningful and bad habits have been established in their little minds. The influences and examples of ppl stamp a real picture of how life should or should not be.

For women who work and raise children in a 2 parent home, I'm not condemning you by no means. It's just my opinion of how I think it worked better for my home and could also work for others.

I admire someone who makes it work and raise a could crop of children.

I know my Mother to this day wishes she had been home more often when my sister and I were little.

[Little]

So many people underestimate a woman staying home to care for her kids. I'm sure many of them envision a bathrobe, watching soaps all day while the kids watch cartoons in the next room. Still getting the same frozen dinners at the end of the day. And I'm sure there are some "stay at home moms" who don't do too much mothering.
BUT there is so much a woman can do from the home front, and I don't mean working from home either. Think of how much money you spend on your own car, insuring that car, paying gas to get to work and back, vehicle upkeep, frozen and convenience groceries, store-bought bread, etc etc etc the list goes on. A stay-at-home mother who really gets into her job is A, working harder than she might have outside the home and B, probably saving her family more than she could make after all the "pay deductions" I listed above.
There's this old vegetarian "cookbook" my friend lent me a month or so ago called Laurel's Kitchen. You can probably find it free or cheap somewhere, maybe at the library. It gets into this idea and supplies lots of recipes that are focused on a family that is willing to put some work into saving money and being as healthy as possible. If you make your case, your husband should listen to you. Banish the bathrobe soap-watcher from his thoughts!

[cmoneileena1]

I am a stay at home Mom of two children and my own Mom stayed at home and raised 4 so I know how much work this is and I applaud you for wanting to provide a good environment for your children.

That being said I think that there are also some benefits to having both parents work. It really depends on your own family dynamic and situation. Some mothers even plan on continuing to work full time after their children are born and then decide they want to stay home and vice versa. I can tell you from experience though that having a job makes coming home all that much better (providing your husband is helpful). It is also a wonderful thing to actually have an adult conversation once in a while. That is the one thing I have missed the most. Sometimes I feel like I am cut off from the rest of the world. Looking for a job though, wish it wasn't necessary but...

Anyway, maybe you could make a deal with your husband that you could have a "trial period" where you stay home and see how things go. He may find that he likes having you at home when your lives change and two becomes three (or more!). You might also find that you need some time away and working part time might be a good idea for you. You never know. It is NEVER a bad idea to go back to school though. That way you are covered if anything ever happens and you have to support your family instead of your husband. I have a degree... I am not using it but I have it just in case. You never know what could happen.

[Kung Fu Kitty]

i personally think the "stay at home" parent is a thing of the past,i was back to work not even 2 weeks after having my son (but i was a single mom) it is too hard nowadays to put all the financial responsiblity onto just one person.i would take a month or so of maternity leave,then jump back into the workplace.your husband might have a good paying job,but the bills are going to skyrocket once the baby enters your life.
if you are really interested in stayting home.. get a license to provide day care for other children and make your money that way.i would figure out exactly what you want to do before you do have children as they tend to take up alot of your free time.

[Autumnbinature]

Why have babies if your not going to be with them. Would he rather leave them with a stranger? Nobody is safer, more careing, or more capable of careing for your children than the parents. I am a stay at home mom of 3. I dont use babysitters unless its trulry an emergancy. my kids do not have mommy overload. we are very bonded they are super intelligent my son started using words before the age of one and started for real talking full sentences and all before he was 2. Oh and as far as income no we dont have money but its a choice of working or being with my kids and right now they need to be with me and when they are all old enough then i might work while daddy stays home. We love our family more than money.

[WildChild]

Maybe some balance here? Get your degree if you can. Even if you are an at home mom you need your education and you need the ability to support yourself and your kids. Life throws us curves, your husband could end up unemployed or unemployable, you could get divorced, you don't know what is down the road. Cover your bases. I don't any sense in having kids to hand them over to someone else to raise though.