Need some opinions

[mymirrose]

I will apologize for rambling, cause I probably will.
Here goes, I am in a relationship right now with a man that tells me "love you"1 or 2 times a day, says his coming home to me every night is his way of showing me he loves me, does not hug or kiss me unless I ask him to, and just generally sits around and doesn't talk to me for hours on end. He hasn't always been this way, at least not consistently, he says it is stress that makes him quiet, but every week or so, there is something else to "stress" about. I have been open with my needs (I want sex everyday, more foreplay, more affection in general) and I just get excuses why he is the way he is, he doesn't need sex more than 2X aweek, he has alot on his mind, etc. Am I asking too much? Should I give him more time and see if he gets over this "ignoring me" phase? I am really starting to feel like he doesn't want to make the effort to make me happy, or am I being insensative and should just let things go for now? I am really confused right now and don't know what to do.

[Karma3]

His comment of his coming home every night is his way of showing you he loves you...sounds like he's doing this to keep you happy, but is it keeping him happy? I find that comment somewhat strange. What exactly is he stressing about? If his heart was in this relationship, he would realize that you're not happy and try and snap out of it. If it is his job that is stressing him out, he has to learn to deal with that at work, and when he's home, that's when you should be enjoying each other. Is he really stressed? or are these just excuses? It sounds like you are telling him what you need in your relationship but as far as he's concerned, him coming home should be good enough. Is he pouting about having to come home because there are other things that he would rather be doing, do you feel like you're being punished? You mentioned before that things were not like this before.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

mymirrose,

How old is your fiancee and what does he do for a living?

From your other threads, to help readers perhaps on this one, you were alone for 7 years, didn't really think about sex, and now you want it ever day, multiple times he states he gets sore, etc.

Is it possible that his sex drive simply isn't the same as yours.

You are ready to burn leather and whips ( so to speak), yearning to be all "woman" but he is an average twice a week guy, hence his comments, "I'm stressed", or " I come home every night", or " I tell you I love you"... And, the quietness that he projects is because your forthright in your mannerism of speech, "no mind games", and consequently you are bringing this up frequently, because of your needs.

Then if this is the case, I would be saying to you, what do you love about this guy? Take the sex out of it for a second... Can you feel that you could not live without him? He is all you ever desired? No? Now put the sex into it, is this lifestyle the way you want it to be for the rest of your life?

Why do I ask? Because you went 7 years without it, and you are about to get married to someone whom may never be able to meet your needs, has no burning desire in that department, it's a relief, just sex, not intimacy of sharing your bond...

Have a think.

Are you in love? Or just settling....................

CW

[mymirrose]

He is 36 and is a transportation site foreman for a steel company. The stress is more from him living 600 miles from his kids, money and those types of things, than his job. You have given me alot to think about. And yes, I do love him, and when he is himself, he is everything I ever hoped to have. That is why I asked if ya'll thought I was being impatient. I asked him if he just didn't want to make the effort and he said when things calm down, we will be fine. I worry though, cause there are new stresses all the time in life. I need to process this more, thank you for your input, I'll let you know what I come up with.

[mymirrose]

Well, I have decided to "lay it all out there" so to speak. I thought about ya'll saying what you have and I think I need an answer. I'll let you know Monday what happens.

[mymirrose]

Well, I told him he needed to make an effort to make this relationship work, and he is trying (at least for the weekend, I am not holding my breath) Do I sound like my old, sarcastic self? Sorry. After not trusting men for so long, then trying to trust someone and feeling like I was hitting a brick wall, I find it difficult to believe anything until it is proven to me. I explained that to him, I told him that if we took sex out of the equation, what would we want out of this relationship? He told me I give him everything he is looking for, I said "I need more"! He told me would do his best to give me what I want, as long as I quit rolling my eyes and being sarcastic about what I want. (I am working on that!) I read so often "communication, communication, communication", I realized just me communicating isn't working, so we have to work on his communication skills, and maybe tone mine down a bit? If anyone has any input on this, let me know, please.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, I have decided to "lay it all out there

I told him that if we took sex out of the equation, what would we want out of this relationship? He told me I give him everything he is looking for, I said "I need more"! He told me would do his best to give

Well there is "discussion" and then there is communication....

I told, he told,I said I want... to me is not communication....

He is purely answering your questions, you are purely telling him what you want.

It has to be more in depth, this is the type of person you are, this is the type of person he is, or is it in the now?

Write a list of all that you like about each other and all that you don't... It could be that you are feeling in-secure, because of past hurt and seeking more attention without realising it, or it could be that you are both really very different in your ways of thinking or it could be that your analysing or that he's just as most men are not as emotional, whereby women are...

What is the core of the issues? Why do you seek the attention, the sex, the conversations, (you are not wrong to want it) but I am asking why you want it.

A relationship can not go stale that quickly, and all relationships need work, trying doesn't cut it.. If it is "non-communcation" and only I love you in words, but no touches, hugs, laughter, talks ,then it's not going to work.

Why can't you both more to be closer to his kids for instance?

Seek the problems then find the solutions...

CW

[Moonstone]

600 miles from his kids? not good. They need to be the priority in his life.

He is having sex with you two times a week (I may have read that wrong) and you want it daily? IMHO, you are being unreasonable.

[Fatin]

lol if i were u when he come home i would sit next to him and tell him wt u just said coz trust me .. what u said is what he wants to know how u feel ..

[tasha_correa]

Well... I think that you need to go to thearapy. Just a suggestion. It may help out with things, like your sex life for example. I think that he may just have a lot on his mind and it may help him open up if you guys have some one to help you talk things out. Things do get tough in relationships and maybe you two have just hit a rough patch. I feel that counsiling is a great way to help him open up. As far as his libido goes, the thearapy may help him or maybe he should go to the doctor. He may be depressed or have something else medicaly worng with him. Hope this helps