A commited man in a strip club?

[orkara]

I'm actually surprised by this. I've always thought that taken guys do not like strip clubs because this is what my boyfriend tells me. He says he does not need to because he had me and that only single guys go there...

..... and that even if he was single he still would not go because while girls in the strip clubs were nice to look at, he didn't need to pay for a hard-on because all he had to do imagine and he would get it...

I guess it just depends on the guy then....

[caterpillar79]

Well, orkara, I have been told that same exact phrase...only to discover later that he went...of course, I was devastated and I felt my trust was betrayed...we talked about it. and I had set the boundary. I know what I want, and I will not settle for anything less - he knows that.

I don't mean to say that you can't trust your bf...he meant well when he said that, believe me. but men are men .... my guy made a wrong judgement, but he expressed how mush he wants to make it up to me and he did. this event made us closer and more open to each other.

[AnonStarCom]

I don't really care what anyone says.. I think it's unacceptable. We all have our veiws on how a realtionship should be run. Your veiws are how your relationship should be going, If you don't like it, then it is a problem. Keeping a relationship healthy is doing things to please your partner along with a long list of things. In my relationship, it's not acceptable to look at another person in a sexual way, If you are at a strip club, girls are naked, you're obviously looking at them in a sexual way. There are people here that don't mind their partner doing that. That's fine, that's people's own feelings, thoughts and perspectives. Noone can really give you advice on if it is wrong or not. It depends on how you feel. If you don't like it. Then it is wrong. But you can't just start a fight with him, if he doesn't know you don't like it, it's not his fault. You have to talk to him about it if you want him to stop.

[hizenberg]

i started another thread that was about men and watching porn is it being unfaithful,and all i got from male replys was 'men are visual,we need to look it doesnt mean we dont love our partners or want the women in the porn vid more,and blah blah blah' it was all excuses and if you ask most guys will says'its ok,and your being silly,he loves you and doesnt want them' but its like when he goes to the strip club ,whats he missingout on? just like same issue with porn you know? he has boobs and butt on 'demand' from you so why go elsewhere? its a excuse for him to go its disrepsecting you and dishhonaring you. its not ok in my eyes, anyone else in their right mind would agree with me. so if you go and get a mucley oiled up guy and he thrusts his penis in your face how would it make your guy feel, how would you feel? proberley like your doing the wrong thing by your partner hey? im sorry but i think if your in a commited relationship and share a house,bills,etc the best you can do is give a common decencey to your partner and do the right thing by being just that, comitted. its like starting war on these issues between men and women because men will say its only visual and we're being silly and we women will say how it hurts us,makes us feel inadequete no matter how conifent or self love we have for ourselfs. sorry if i dont make sense or have raved on too much but it realy bugs me how stupid men realy are in this matter.

[hizenberg]

men are men....... hmmmm its an excuse for men to make an allowence to go an watch some girl with no morals,no selfesteem,no self respect dance around a pole and think shes a star but realy she is just a peice of meat to a guy. sorry but its true and saying men are men is just another lame excuse to make it ok for our men to go out and do what is not ok, if you have values and morals you would not think its ok to watch someone dance naked in front of you while your wife is at home or girlfriend.
i wouldnt settle for less,uh uh if i give myself to somone its going to be 100% and expect the same back, tell him how you feel ask him how he feels its ok and tell him you dont like how it makes you feel and if he wants to do that you have to either find a away to be ok with it or leave him if it hurts so much, hope i have helped a little.

[stressed]

Well, saying that "men are men" equals that "all men go to strip clubs, all men watch porn, or at least all of them want to".
But saying so would also imply that all "women are women" and they all work at strip clubs or in the porn business, or at least all women want to.

Just like not all women work at strip clubs, not all men want to go to them either.

[Olympia]

My hubby has a friend, i am not fond of for various reasons.. I tolerate him when he visits, but would rather iron clothes or dust the furniture if given the choice and i HATE to do iron and dust... He is married about 6 years now. And is our age, 48. (first marriage) And every week he is in strip clubs, even when he comes to visit us he spends each evening there... He emails photos of naked women with degrating captions to (my husband) about every week. Mind you this is during work hours..
It is difficult for me to accept or understand this need.. I have never met his wife, and do not know if she is or isn't aware of this..
If a stripper is doing the bump and grind with a married man, to me that is cheating..

[PandaPaws]

I think for a committed man to go to a strip club is completely disrespectful to his gf/wife. I am SO SICK of hearing how men are visual creatures and blah, blah, blah. How about they visualize their own women, instead of looking at some sluts on stage? I can't imagine any woman embracing that her man would be out doing such a thing.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think for a committed man to go to a strip club is completely disrespectful to his gf/wife. I am SO SICK of hearing how men are visual creatures and blah, blah, blah. How about they visualize their own women, instead of looking at some sluts on stage? I can't imagine any woman embracing that her man would be out doing such a thing.

I would be really insulted if my boyfriend was visiting strip clubs and paying other women to see their boobs. Insulting because he doesn't have to pay to see mine, but would use his hard earned money to ogle someone elses? That he's essentially buying some other chick handbags and shoes and paying for her boyfriends car repairs with money he could be taking me to dinner with, buying me shoes and hand bags with. I think if I knew my guy was fond of stripper joints and spending money to see boobs I'd quit showing him mine at no charge lol.

[rhiannon34]

I copied my post over from the mens forum about the same subject.

First, anyone who tells you that men are not allowed to touch women or get any in a strip club is LYING! That completely depends on the stripper. I have known many women who were strippers and they will tell you themselves that they or other strippers will do sexual favors for money (and sometimes not even very much money). I have been in several strip clubs and seen women soliciting myself. I have also noticed 2 very different frames of minds in men at strip clubs. The ones that get drug there by their friends and don't want to look like a sissy-la-la's, so they go and play pool and aren't really impressed by the dancers, and those that get lead around by their joysticks and waste entire paychecks on the dancers.

I agree with the other posters about your SO's inconsiderate way of telling you that he went and why. I had a bf once that was leaving for a job out of town. He told me while laying in bed the night before he was to leave, that he was going to go to __________ while he was there. Then said all giggly, "You know what that is?" I was like "a strip club?", he said "yea, huh, huh, titties and beer." I was real unamused. Then, the next day, his first call from out of town was from guess where? The strip club. I dumped him as soon as he got home. And I told him, "Be like other guys and at least try to spare my feelings by saying your friends drug you there kicking and screaming." Anyone who would be that callous to your feelings, will be very callous in many other ways.