A commited man in a strip club?

[torn2pieces]

If he wants to see another girls breast and butt in his face then he has a desire for another woman than his own, correct? We all have desires of things we are not suppose to have or not suppose to do. We are wrong when we give in to these desires, right?

My significant other told me he goes to strip clubs to see and a _ _. I don't want to be a nag and don't want to make this an argument with him, but HELLO, that don't make your girl feel good. I am a little upset that he desires it, but could let it go, I can't let it go that he actually goes for it with no regard to my feelings.

Is it really suppose to be okay to let your significant other get rubbed up on by the opposite sex (especially a naked or half-naked one)?

Any men on here, please tell me how would you feel if your girl wanted a penis in her face?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Venting's good...

My significant other told me he goes to strip clubs to see and a _ _.

Okay, 1) He told you... That means it doesn't mean much, doesn't it?

But, seriously, how often does he go, why did he tell you, who does he go with.

In-other-words, is it something he does regularily, on his own? Sure, then I would see a problem.

But, if he is going with work mates, and they ask him or friends, is he mean't to say no every time?

Neeeeeed more information.....................

I wouldn't care if my man went.. I'd find it amusing and probably ask him if he got turned on, did she have bigger boobs than me or were they false.

But, that's me, I don't hold jealousy and I base my relationships on trust and "touch wood" the last person who cheated on me was my first boyfriend and I was 18.


CW

[yellowpiXi3]

I would have to agree with CW on this one need more info.

Personally, my bf recently went to a strip club in Vegas because he was with his friends. I think that IF he's up to it; maybe you two can go.

So you can see what really goes on. And if you're REALLY up to it. You should get a lap dance.Tell the girl to treat you like a guy. Because its different if a chick gets a lap dance oppose to a guy getting one.

.....but then again that's me. I also don't care if my bf watches porn.

<3

[Hopeless Dork]

I think it depends on your relationship and the guy. I mean there are different types of guys that frequent strip clubs. The lonely man that is looking for some attention from a beautiful woman who wouldnt otherwise give him the time of day. The guys that just go with friends to hoot and hollar and get drunk and have fun.

The allure of a strip club, I can understand. Half/fully naked women running around clamoring for their attention, throwing themselves at them. They literally can sit and reject beautiful woman after beautiful woman if they want. For Joe average, wow what a high, an expensive one at that.

Some of those backroom lapdances, even at fancy clubs can get pretty extreme and I don't know about you but if my man is having his erection grinded on to satisfaction, I'd think of it as cheating. But everyone has a different place they draw the line. I think If I was older and my husband of 20 years wanted a young hot thing to give him some attention I wouldn't care at all. I'd even give him a 20. I think that having an attractive young husband, boyfriend etc it would feel a little different having him frequent those establishments. It's a job for strippers, indeed. But they are human and not immune to attraction.

"Men will be Men" is such a load of really. But a guy just going with some friends to relax and be "man", fine. I don't think I'd mind it too much. But if he was going frequently, spending lots of cash and even going alone I'd begin to worry.

[torn2pieces]

As far as more info. He does not frequent them, I am almost positive he has only been once since we have been together (2 years). He went on superbowl night, something they did after the game. I asked if he got a lap dance he said no cause it was $30. He did not inform me about the strip club but instead the ticket fell out of his pocket as I was picking up laundry.

Over a year ago he asked me if I would mind him going to a strip club with some friends after work (I was at work) and I said I didn't care but he could tell in my voice I did care so he didn't go and then he text his friend "I should grow some balls" and he accidentally sent it to me also so then I text back and sarcastically said "ya you should", then because of my smart remark he decided he was going to go anyway, but didn't go...the last time he mentioned going to one, it go difficult between us two. So when I asked him why he lied, he said casue the last time he mentioned it it got all complicated. He apologized for lying.

Thank you for your responses, it has helped a great deal. As a matter of fact, I am going to let this go off of my mind. I hear what every one is saying.

I come here for advice for some of the simplest things or ways your are supposed to handle yourself in a relationship because I was never taught as a child growing up. Here I am 27 and want to have a successful relationship on to marriage.

[ChelseaRenee]

Hm. Personally, I wouldn't like it. Especially since he probably never would have told you if you the ticket hadn't fallen out of his pocket. That's what would make me feel uncomfortable about the whole thing...

As for would i let my SO go, probably. But I mean, for like a SUPER special occasion (bachelor party, etc.) and no lapdances or I'll beat him to within an inch of his life.

[hurting wife]

Hallo Torn2Pieces
I totally understand you and what you are going through. Soon after my husband proposed he went on a worktrip overseas. Before he left I started to get really worried, He asked me what the matter was and I told him that I didn't want him going into any stripclub, because I wouldn't be able to take it. HE PROMISED ME THAT HE DEFINITLY WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!
Well, he's been overseas priviously and called me every single day but this time he only called once every few days and also keept all his conversations very brief. I am a very sensitive person. The first or second night he was away, I woke up with a nightmare soaked in sweat. I pictered him and a nacked woman sitting on him. I couldn't get the picture out of my head. The next time he called me, I asked him what he has been up to he always replayed nothing or not much. Deep in my heart i knew that wasn't the truth.Well I had the same nightmare every night for a week until I couldn't take it anymore and thought it would be easier not to sleep and if then not for long. I also lost my appetite. he was away for three weeks and I lost 20 pounds!My size 4 clothes didn't fit me anymore. I shrank into a size 2. When I waited for him at the airport he came up for a hug and a kiss. I just couln't kiss him and i lightly pushed him away. When we went in the car he grabbed my knee and I pushed his hand away. He asked what the matter was, so I asked him the same question back. I asked what he's been up to und when he said nothing, he could see that I knew. He told me everything. that he that he had lapdances in three different countries by a lot of different women. he even told me that he was holding hands with one of them while she was giving him a lapdance, because he was o attracted to her. When I heard that my heart shattered into pieces, I was so upset I almost called off the engagement. We werte living together at that time, i was so upset I made myself a drink, after I drank it I realized I couldn't drive anywhere so I ended up sleeping on the couch. He keept apologising every day, he could see the pain in my face. HE PROMISED HE WOULD NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN. NO STRIPCLUBS< NO TOPLESS CHICKS. I finally did forgive him, but it was soo hard every single time there was a movie on Tv with a stripclub szene or a videoclip I got upset, because I immediatly pictured him with other women. Well that was a few years ago. He recently upset me again and it opened up all the old wounds. I am going through a difficult time at the moment and am a bit depressed. There was this bucks night coming up for him and I was getting worried I knew there would be topless chicks, I told him that I would like him not to go. He ended up going anyway. I still love him but I can't help it I am resenting him at the moment.

[torn2pieces]

Hallo Torn2Pieces
I totally understand you and what you are going through. Soon after my husband proposed he went on a worktrip overseas. Before he left I started to get really worried, He asked me what the matter was and I told him that I didn't want him going into any stripclub, because I wouldn't be able to take it. HE PROMISED ME THAT HE DEFINITLY WOULD NOT DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!
Well, he's been overseas priviously and called me every single day but this time he only called once every few days and also keept all his conversations very brief. I am a very sensitive person. The first or second night he was away, I woke up with a nightmare soaked in sweat. I pictered him and a nacked woman sitting on him. I couldn't get the picture out of my head. The next time he called me, I asked him what he has been up to he always replayed nothing or not much. Deep in my heart i knew that wasn't the truth.Well I had the same nightmare every night for a week until I couldn't take it anymore and thought it would be easier not to sleep and if then not for long. I also lost my appetite. he was away for three weeks and I lost 20 pounds!My size 4 clothes didn't fit me anymore. I shrank into a size 2. When I waited for him at the airport he came up for a hug and a kiss. I just couln't kiss him and i lightly pushed him away. When we went in the car he grabbed my knee and I pushed his hand away. He asked what the matter was, so I asked him the same question back. I asked what he's been up to und when he said nothing, he could see that I knew. He told me everything. that he that he had lapdances in three different countries by a lot of different women. he even told me that he was holding hands with one of them while she was giving him a lapdance, because he was o attracted to her. When I heard that my heart shattered into pieces, I was so upset I almost called off the engagement. We werte living together at that time, i was so upset I made myself a drink, after I drank it I realized I couldn't drive anywhere so I ended up sleeping on the couch. He keept apologising every day, he could see the pain in my face. HE PROMISED HE WOULD NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN. NO STRIPCLUBS< NO TOPLESS CHICKS. I finally did forgive him, but it was soo hard every single time there was a movie on Tv with a stripclub szene or a videoclip I got upset, because I immediatly pictured him with other women. Well that was a few years ago. He recently upset me again and it opened up all the old wounds. I am going through a difficult time at the moment and am a bit depressed. There was this bucks night coming up for him and I was getting worried I knew there would be topless chicks, I told him that I would like him not to go. He ended up going anyway. I still love him but I can't help it I am resenting him at the moment.

Wow, have you got married. I am worried about getting too upset about it because I may make it a bigger deal than it is.

[2morrow]

Its one thing to watch strippers, but its a totally different thing to have the lap dance and have them squirm all over the S O. That is a form of cheating. I wouldn't like it. I think there has to be some ground rules laid out in situations like that. For instance, we had agreed that on the occasion that he did go with his buddies, it would be a few drinks and enjoy the view. But that was it, no touchy !! As for my SO, he didn't want me to look at another mans privates, He hated the thought of it. . I was never interested in going to see the male stripper anyhow, so I was ok with that.

I think that as a couple you have to set rules, that you are both comfortable with, and each of you, has to abide by them.

[torn2pieces]

Its one thing to watch strippers, but its a totally different thing to have the lap dance and have them squirm all over the S O. That is a form of cheating. I wouldn't like it. I think there has to be some ground rules laid out in situations like that. For instance, we had agreed that on the occasion that he did go with his buddies, it would be a few drinks and enjoy the view. But that was it, no touchy !! As for my SO, he didn't want me to look at another mans privates, He hated the thought of it. . I was never interested in going to see the male stripper anyhow, so I was ok with that.

I think that as a couple you have to set rules, that you are both comfortable with, and each of you, has to abide by them.

Thanks, you are right about coming to terms we both are comfortable with. I will talk to him soon about this.