Addicted to WOW(world of warcraft) marriage falling apart

[blb80]

So anyone out there losing their husbands/bf/fiances to the computer game WOW(world of warcraft)? Mine has been playing for nearly two years now. He spend 96hrs a week on the game that statistic is from him. He thinks its funny. Finds the need to tell me how ppl have lost their homes,families etc from being addicted to this game. We have been married for 5.5 years. we were best friends did everthing together and now nothing zero zilch notta!! Im so flustrated and would like to know what advice anyone has. I have threatned everthing from cancelling the intranet to get n a male friend to spend time with. Nothing works. i even set a password to computer so that only i could log him on. That did not go over well at all. u name it i have tried it. im sick of it, i dont have a problem with him playing the game as a hobby or past time, but when it start interfering with your marriage then we have a problem. i told him all i ask for is a "movie night" one day a week and a date everyother weekend. I cant even get that anymore. He dosent want to shower/groom nothing. so of course im losing intrest in the sexual part of our relationship. when you have to tell someone to shower,shave,cut you hair etc......i cant take it!! Not to mention he doesnt even try to have sex. Seriously this is really bad!! Yes he does work, but there is more to a marriage than bringing home a paycheck. Any suggestions out there?? Desperate need of advice!! When the expansion pack came out he was suppose to be done.........yeah that lasted 3 days. I even told him you decide if you want wow or your wife cause if you dont spend time with me then im finding a companion. He got the game so...........what a slap in the face!! I dont really want a companion but I cannot grow old this way either. I asked if he was unhappy,do you want a divorce? answer was no.........well hello..........no intamacy for year and no attention for pushing 2 years. and im not exaggerating people! This game is evil!! Please help!!!!!!!!!!!1

[Beautiful Disaster]

The game is the source, but clearly not the root of the problem. Does he have addiction problems in other areas of his life? I know he probably makes you feel silly for being so upset over a "game"...but it's not about the game, it's about neglect. It's never right to neglect your spouse regardless of what it's for.....work...hobbies...friends...etc. You're trying to remove the game because you think it's the problem, but if the game was gone, do you think he'd instantly go back to being Mr. Romantic again? I don't think so, I think he'd find something else. I'd be questioning not the game, but his happiness and why he thinks it's okay for his wife to be unhappy.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well said Beautiful Disaster...

As long as you make "false threats", then nothing will change..

He knows you wouldn't go through with that, let's face it.

The only way I think you can get close to him realising the situation is as bad as it is, is to leave the house for 48hrs and let him fend for himself as well as note that you are not around, miss you, so he can see what it would be like. Don't tell him your going... I know that's harsh but he needs a reality check, he's being disrespectful and causing this marriage to break down.

I have read a few threads here on WOW, and they all are very familiar...

There is also a poster recently who did it for 4 years and realised and stopped.

I'm going with the saying " You've got to be cruel to be kind" on this one.

CW

[blb80]

thank you! I know i have been told that by many ppl. But like you said it is hard to leave. But i need to is right. thanks

[WildChild]

CW is right, you've tried everything reasonable. I wouldn't even say good bye, just go for several days - it is possible he won't notice. With my first husband's problem behavior (drugs, employment and affairs) I tried talking and finally gave him a 6 month notice. He moved into the spare bedroom (that was my slap in the face) He didn't follow through so I did, moved out, filed for divorce. It wasn't until he got the divorce papers that he started paying attention - not doing anything - just pitched a fit.

This man needs help. ANYthing that causes you to disregard hygene and other areas of your life is a problem. How long is he likely to remain employed with this behavior? Do you own your house? Do you have children? Why not ask him to leave and change the locks? If he doesn't leave, throw him out? This would be a wake up call that doesn't have to disrupt your life as much and it will yank him out of his little world - fast. If he has to go stay with a buddy or his family, how long are they likely to tollerate this? As long as he can get away with it he will. You've made threats, taken some action, but haven't stood your ground. If you fear abuse for taking action, get a restraining order or you leave - your safety comes first.

This is totally out of line, the longer you put up with it the more control he has over you. Chances are he won't wake up until he has lost not only you but alot more - there isn't anything you can do about that. He has to want to change.

Look at it this way, he doesn't have a problem, he's fine with the way things are. You have the problem, you aren't fine with things. You have to make the changes. Either decide to live with it or don't.

[bprwatson]

I agree with CW, don't threaten or give ultimatums unless you follow through.

WOW is becoming a huge problem. I personally know at least 4 marriages that have ended because of it. It is an addiction. A lot of my husbands friends play it, i wont even let him have it in the house. He has an addictive personality and i know it would be trouble. Fortunately so does he so he doesn't even go there.

Try sitting down and talking to him, tell him how you feel and that something needs to change. Give him a few days, if nothing changes then give him an ultimatum, tell him you will leave (or something along those lines). You just need to be willing to follow through. Right now he doesn't change because he doesn't think you are serious, you've threatened in the past but never followed through. He needs to know you are serious. And when/if he does quit you guys need to find something else for him to fill his time with. Addictions need to be replaced. Find another hobby. My FIL was a heavy smoker/drinker for 50 yrs. He up and quit and has been sober for over a year. He found things to replace his addictions though or he never would have been able to do it. He drinks a lot of tea now, keeps hard candy's nearby, he's taken up a hobby of rock collecting/jewelry making.


I hope it works out for you, i hope it doesn't come down to you leaving but it might. I've seen how ugly this game can be.

[blb80]

okay so i took some advice from some of you. Sat i left the house and went shopping and thought i would just get a room somewhere and relax and have me time. well he shockingly called and i answered told him i was shopping. He called later and i didnt know he called. I tried calling back no answer. So he called that morning before going to work and accused me of having an affair.......thinks i have a boyfriend now. So now what.........???

[Little]

Maybe tell him if he would quit looting epic mob for lootz, he could come shopping with you and be assured there is no boyfriend in your life. Use the terminology, it might scare him
WoW isn't the problem, to be certain (I played WoW, loved it even, but when I went broke, it was the first thing to go.) There must be something going on in your husband's head that makes him think he needs the game. 96 hours per week is ridiculous. There are parental controls to the game; ask him if he'll limit himself, even if just to see how much he's REALLY playing. Even limiting himself to 40 hrs/week (like a full-time job, since it's so important to him) would probably make a humongous difference for the two of you.
Maybe remind him that the hot Blood Elf in his guild is probably a fat, hairy old man if rationality doesn't work.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, tell him... No, I stayed away from you because I've had enough of this stupid game of yours and you not listening to me, thought maybe you might have missed me, realised what you are doing. How dare you accuse me of having an affair? You are having an affair, with WOW... I certainly, wouldn't mind some WOW myself...

When you work out what's more important let me know.


Hang up.

CW

[bprwatson]

Little-

One of my Pshyc professors actually did his thesis on WOW. He interviewed people who played it and actually played it non stop for a week trying to figure out why people get addicted to the game.

His idea was, that it gives you a false sense of accomplishment. I've never played the game myself so i don't know exactly how it works but he said that for basically every thing you do on the game you are rewarded somehow. Its not like that in real life. You don't get anything for being on time to work, or stopping at the grocery store on the way home, or putting the kids to bed etc.

So, basically its an escape for some people; you can be whoever/whatever you want to be and feel important, respected and accomplished without even leaving your seat. That might be why some people become addicted and for others its just a hobby. Maybe he is feeling inferior some how, or he's stuck in a rut, maybe he hates his job. You are right, there probably is something missing in his life.


Oh, and to the OP i would go with what CW said. I cant believe he accused you of having an affair!