Loosing the man I love

[Kylina]

I've lived with a man for 3 years. He not only the man I love but my best friend for many years. I've been married before but that ending was just both of us realizing we were to young and just not happy. I have 2 teenage kids from the first marriage. My kids and I both moved in with my BF, He had asked me to marry him so we moved in to what I thought was start my wonderful life. After 6 months he decided he just wasn't ready to be married again so we called off the engagement. This last Aug he finally gave in and told me he wasn't happy, didnt know why he wasnt happy but he had been looking for a house to buy. He said he still wanted us but needed the space. And get away from his parents who live across the street. He started looking for a place on the market but didn't seam to be actively looking. We went along with our lives living together spending vacations together and pretty much seamed like we were still a family. Then 2 weeks ago he announced he found aplace and is moving out march 1st. Every thing just gone crazy now he not sure he wants us, want to pretty much call it quit and move on with his life. I'm pretty sure there noone else in his life cause basically he with us all the time and cant see when he fit that in to his schedule. Now I cry all the time cause I realize I just cant make him want me. And someone who taking on a 20 year mortgage to more away from me and the kids oviously isn't coming back. I want to stay friends cause basically he all I have besides my kids but i know id just want more, And when he does find another woman can I handle it? I don't think so. I'm so lost, I don't want it to end but I know there no way to stop it. I'm trying to be strong in all this even helping him pack but i just feel like im loosing it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

He said he still wanted us but needed the space

I want to stay friends cause basically he all I have besides my kids but i know id just want more

We went along with our lives living together spending vacations together and pretty much seamed like we were still a family.

I am sure that you had/have a wonderful relationship... But, I think he wasn't prepared for what you wanted, "a family" , "teenage kids" , he wasn't prepared for all of that exactly, perhaps was overwhelmed with it.

I mean you state, that apart from your kids, he's all you have.

So, I guessing that he had no "room to breathe", he never lived with a lady and teenage children and lost his identity.

I am guessing that if he is all you have, that you were always in the house as well, or with him, and again, he had no room to breathe.

Why not say, "actually", I get this... I need to get out and find some hobbies myself actually, and make a few friends, as not to be so dependent on "married life", homely, and be a bit more in-dependent and I can certainly understand you need space, maybe we can do the stay over each other places a bit, and go out as the four of us as well, whilst having our own breathing space.

But, if you do state this and he sees that there is no "clinginess" that he can have space, then you have to follow through with it.

And, you have to find friends, and a life... Not mould your whole life around one person, sometimes it's not how the other person can cope with life, and perhaps this is all that has happened.

Only you know.

CW

[Kylina]

I actually did tell him that I know he needs his space and suggested to him about taking the much needed time. Even mention us taking some time giving him space. I'm even planing to join a gym just to get out more. Trying to figure how to get out to meet people beside co-workers. I can't hang out with co-workers be cause of infatuation policy.

We talked about doing the once a week thing of staying at each others place when he moves out. He seamed fine with all this in the beginning but now he just says he doesn't know and thinks ending it just might be for the best.

I know he leaving. I'm just trying to get threw this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, I must have had esp..(smile)...

Well, don't stop what you were going to do, you go and do that, all of it....

He may change his tune, after he settles and if not, I am sorry... but new things will occur for you, you will get through it, we are here..

CW