My dad hates everything about me

[kgo]

Here's a little background:
I just gradated highschool is 2008, I work as an executive assistant for a very successful real estate agent. I'm getting my license in September to sell houses. I've been with the same boyfriend for 2 years.

I want to move out after I get my license and am a little established (I make salaray & comission) and I believe I'm doing very well for myself financially and in other ways. I just purchased a new SUV on my own. I paid for half of it up front after selling my motorcycle/dirtbike and other truck. I worked and worked while I was in highschool, every March break, every Christmas vacation, I worked a full time job and 2 part time jobs in the summer time between grade 11 and 12. Both my parents are self employed and work ALL the time too.

My father, however, is not impressed with anything I do. He always goes on and on about how a real estate agent is a terrible job, and how the market is going down. He wanted me to be an RCMP or a lawyer or a doctor. I avoid my father when he is home because it ALWAYS ends up in the same conversation of how I should be something different that I don't want to be. He doesn't want me to move out, he is very old fashioned and says it is wrong to move out and live with someone if you are not married to them. When I told him my sisters boyfriend was having a baby, he went on this huge speech about she's not married and living with the guy. I can't stand talking to my father about anything, because his views are just so different from mine. I don't want it to be like that, and since I have no intentions to get married anytime soon (it's a very big expense) I want to be able to move in with my boyfriend sometime in the next year but I know it will crush me and my dads relationship more than what it already is. I'm nothing but a screw up in his eyes. I don't have a "good" job, I don't want to get married before I move in, and I drink beer sometimes. My father tells me I can't drink, even after I turn 19 (I live in Canada) and he thinks I'm 10 years old. I should add that he lived at home until he was 31 years old, when he married my mom. (They had to marry before they moved in) How do I tell my dad that this is 2009?

Will 19 going on 20 be too young to move in with someone (we will have been together for around 3 years). I just feel like I'm ready to move on, and my house is so hectic. There are 5 people, a dog, a cat and 2 birds and I posted a thread earlier about how my mom and grammy are always going into my room and doing everything for me. Also, it doesn't quiet down till about 12 at night and starts back up again with my mom on the phone working at 6:30 am. I never sleep good.

I go out to my boyfriends house on the weekends, and stay there. My dad HATES this but I just leave before he gets home. I love how peaceful it is out in the country, and how no ones running around and yelling and panicking all the time.

I need my own quiet space.

Opionions and advice please? I've been reading this board for such a long time but am always to scared to post anything. I hope this isn't too long. Sorry, and thanks everyone!

[Joy]

You are not going to like this but... the housing market is down... and your dad only wants to see you have a secure future. That is why he suggests Dr, Laywer, RCMP. On the flip side.. you have to live your own life, make your own mistakes, and live with the consequences of making those choices in life.

Don't fool yourself.. your dad loves everything about you give him some slack the lil girl that use to come to him for everything is growing up too fast. Talking about letting another man into her life to help her make those decisions.

Cutting the Apron strings is hard phase to move thru.... so honor youself and go live your life but remember to respect the fact your dad is losing his lil girl and she is becoming a woman. Never be to proud to admit you were wrong and still need him.

In time you will realize that SUV's are not all they are cracked up to be... they are not the status symbol of achievment but a symbol for "i contribute to destroying this planet" laugh lil humor there

[WildChild]

Joy makes some good points but I would encourage you to find your own 'thing'. If you go to the local collage the guidance and career office should have resourses to show what different careers typically pay and projections for the need for people in that feild. I do know that in the US at least both realtors and lawyers share the characturistic that a few make really good money while the majority make very little. Getting your realtor's license doesn't lock you into that for life and it's a good thing on your resume. There are a number of jobs that require one even though you aren't selling houses. Explain to your dad that it's a stepping stone not a destination.

As for the moving out, that may be a good move BUT on your own, not with the bf. Everyone and especially women need to spend some time on their own, self supporting. If you don't you are too likely to end up in a situation where you are supporting a man, feeling trapped and not really believing that you can take care of yourself, Women do it all the time. I did it in my first marriage, I worked two jobs, supported us and took a long time to realize that I didn't have to be supporting him and his weed habit! Your dad wants what is best for you but it sounds like he isn't able to express it a way that you can feel his love and concern.

Have you considered additional education while you are getting established? This is a time of great change socially and economically, there are some fantastic things happening while some of the old standards are collapsing, new businesses and needs are florishing. Keep your eyes open for opportunities to get in on the ground floor of the new wave.

Don't slam any doors or burn any bridges with your family as you work toward independence. It's good to have a home base. I'm sorry - got to agree with Joy, buying an SUV with the fuel situation and move toward smaller more efficeint vehicles is rather like investing in corsets while other women were burning their bras! You are a sharp young lady and a go getter which are huge assets, take some time to examine, do some research and look to the future rather than what has worked in the past.

[kgo]

Thanks for the replies everyone!!

I know SUV's aren't a sign of accomplishment, I should have explained a little better. I sold my truck (hard on gas) and bought an SUV with the smallest engine I could find. I get 28-31 miles per gallon with it, and am still able to get to my camp (I couldn't with a car) so I'm not saying "Look at me and my big SUV" I'm just trying to convey that I can save my money and pay my bills, not like most kids my age. I also have a scooter that gets 100 miles per gallon that I drive in the summertime to save on fuel.

I want to be a real estate agent, I don't want to do anything else. I LOVE real estate, and love my job. I don't want to do anything else. I live in city next to one of the largest military base in Canada, where people are constantly coming/going and being posted and there are 2 big universities as well so the real estate market is not suffering as bad as it is in other places.

I can't afford to move out on my own, and have very little friends because I have always worked so much, so that is why I was considering moving in with my boyfriend.

Thanks for replying to my post WildChild and Joy, I appreciate it very much. I feel kind of silly about the SUV thing, cause I'm enviromentally concious and not trying to make myself look rich or snotty. Sorry if I came off that way.

[WildChild]

You didn't, dear. It's just an assumption we make these days. When everyone is trying to unload these things, I guess we jump to conclusions about the thought that goes into buying one!
What sort of camp are you refering to?

I don't see anything wrong in taking a stab at real estate but do keep open to other possiblities. Thaverage person has 7 different types of jobs in their life and the predictors are saying that is likely to increase!

Speaking from a lifetime of experience and observation (I'm over 50) I believe very strongly that it is vitally important to live on your own before you live with someone as past of a relationship. Doing so because you can't afford to do otherwise sets a really bad precident for your life. See if you ca nstick it out at home a bit longer, make a plan to become self suficient, work on making some freinds. Sometimes an aquaintance may make a better roommate anyway - you aren't embroiled in each other's lives so much. You are at a time in your life when there is a lot of change and development, you may be very surprised where life leads you in the next few years! You must be open and ready.

[kgo]

My family camp. Me and my dad fixed it up and are the only ones who use it. As long as we aren't talkin about jobs or anything, me and him get along very good. I was younger than too, so a career wasn't a topic that came up all the time like it does now. I just feel like he only wants me to be a cop or a lawyer so that I'm not a disapointment. My sisters a high school hockey player and planning to be an RCMP officer, so I think he just wants to brag about me like he brags about her. He didn't even finish high school, so I think pushing me and my sister to be RCMP is part of living "his" dream. He wants us both to be that. He said a doctor or something like that would be good too, but I don't understand what his obsession with us being RCMP is.

After reading your post I feel like it's made me realize I have lots of time, and you are so right about living with a best friend. Now that yo've mentioned it, I'm thinking of a lot of my friends who broke up their friendships after living together. Maybe in a few years I should find a roomate that I'm compatible with but that I'm not super close with.

Thanks again for all your help!

[WildChild]

Speaking as a parent, we want so much for our children! We want to see you make better use of your skills and opportunities than we did, we want to see you happy and successful and avoiding our mistakes. Of course even if we guide you past the mistakes we made, you will have your own adventures, failures and define success for yourself. That's what life is about; learning and growing.

Unfortunately many parents do try to get their kids to live out the dreams they didn't and it usually isn't a very happy situation. If you are familiar with the band Jethro Tull? Ian Anderson, their singer and renown flute player? His father died insisting that his son should have gotten a 'real' job and worked on the docks like his dad. Several of Anderson's songs deal with this, the one about the nurse asking for his autograph... the father never understood that his son had followed his dream, paid the price in the early years and achieved world wide recognition and wealth beyond anything the dad ever imagined! Sometimes we humans get so stuck in one view of life that we can't see all the possiblities. Follow your dream but stay open to possiblities too.

[Joy]

I didn't think you were coming off snotty or "look at me" that 's why i said a lil humor

see you and your dad have lots in common with the camp and fixing it up. You guys are just going thru some growing pains together.

Wild Child is right explain to your dad real estate is a stepping stone and it may turn out to be a life long career who knows at this point but... its something you wanna try.

Wild Child also gives good advice when she tells you to live on your own or with some friends... its a great experience and lots of life lessons to be learned.

Life is what you make it .. so go create a good life

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Real Estate is actually a "good job" providing you have a "fire in the belly" and from the sounds of it you do, it's your passion, your job, your dream.

It's commission based over in Canada isn't it? And, so maybe Dad has a fear, because seriously any job like that to be successful requires hard work, extremely hard work, as you build clientele for the future and months where you suffer with no income, only to be nicely suprised on another month with great income, it's an up and down battle and an up and down, emotional roller coaster, I know, I own one in Australia and therefore, I am a Real Estate Agent.

It was a struggle at first and it's a struggle sometimes now, but it's also my passion and as a result I bought the business 6 years ago, so let Dad know with passion you can do anything in life and more than survive.

CW