feeling depressed

[withered_rose]

Here lately there are so many things going on and I am feeling more and more depressed. I just dont really know what to do or how to even begin to seek help for it. Its getting to the point of which its starting to effect my job. I just dont know what to do about it all, I just feel so lost some days. I have so many things going on. I am supervisor at work and I talked to my boss and I told her that I wanted to step down and I was told that I can do so but I may have to leave my store. :-( which makes me even more sad. I just dont know what to do. I am thinking if I get on anti-depressants it would be a good thing...... but I dont know about cost or any of that at all..... really what I think it is, is that there has been so much happening in my life within the past year I have lost a loved one that was very close to me and everything that goes right along with it. There are times when all I can do is cry and I dont know why...... and ideas would be apreciated, Thank you.

[sallyskellington]

I think it may just do some good if you just find someone to talk to. Have you saught therapy for this situation before? Meds may help if just talking to someone doesn't. Also maybe try when you feel down getting out and taking a walk or going to lunch with a friend. We will all be here to support you.
And as far as the job thing, are you close with your boss? Maybe try explaining why you were looking to step down and maybe the two of you can come up with an altierior plan *like sharing duties* until you are feeling more up to par

[withered_rose]

Thanks sally, I think I need to talk to someone and it may help with thing, as for work, my job is a little complicated. I work for starbucks and in order for me to have a break there is no sharing of responsibilities...... it just doesnt really work that way. I will go and talk to my primary about what's going on with me though.

[WildChild]

You've shared with us that you are in a time of change. You are grieving, questioning yourself and probably doing a lot of digging and questioning. How did I let this happen? Is there something wrong with me? All that muck.

You have to weigh the possibilities. What will happen if you make changes with your work? Will you be able to support yourself adequately? Will it affect your benefits? Your future earning ability? We live and work in a "masculine" structure, even when we have female bosses. It's a pyramid structure rather than a more "feminine" circle. It doesn't really make allowances for "breathing" time, which I suspect is what you need. What ways can you find to nurture and care for yourself? You need to talk, freely without judgement, not to wallow in the situation but to cleanse. Women are mostly verbal processors, we think through as we talk through things. Do you have any gfs you can get together with? Tell them you don't want to bring them down but just need to talk! You may find that a good long walk helps or getting out and doing some gardening, or how about some clay work?

Avoid the meds if at all possible. You need to work through this not mask it. Can you take some time off and get away? Know anyone with a cabin, could you get off camping a few days? (Don't know what climate you are in, here in the Rockies we can usually start camping in May pretty comfortably). A good hard work out can help too. Ever done any primal screaming? That can be fun and is a quick way to release. Just scream. Reach down inside yourself and find the wild cat within and scream. It's funny, I can't yell, I have VCD and it hurts my throat to yell but I can do a primal scream without that happening. No words, just a scream.

Do something totally goofy, make yourself a clown costume. Make funny faces in the mirror. Find something to laugh uncontrollably about. Go hit a punching bag or heavy bag - don't worry about form just get your frustration out and then go have a triplescoop ice cream cone and then give yourself a pedicure. You are woman. We cycle, we spiral, we expand our awareness and then contract it to gain understanding. We are curves and cycles not straight lines and angles. We are flexible thinkers, our monthly cycles allow us the ability to live with constant change. We are the moon waxing and waning, not the sun burning all the time, the same everyday. I think much of the depression so many women suffer comes from trying to live in the male model. Day needs night to balance it. The earth needs the daylight, sunlight and it needs the night and moonlight - so do people. For 5000 years we women have been forced into living as "suns" when we are in fact "moons". One is not better than the other. They are two sides of the coin, yin and yang if you will. See where the world is today? We need a better balance. Start with creating it in your life. Ultimately this may be harder intially for you but long term you will be much happier and healthier.

I know this may sound a little weird but I see things differently. Nothing is isolated. It doesn't happen in a vacumm. As a society both local and world, we have developed a pattern of dealing with symptoms instead of causes. Just as cutting off the tops of weeds won't stop their growing, dealing with symptoms alone won't cure what ails you. You need to dig down and give your roots some room to spread and dig out the bad stuff and throw it out. You need to cry, laugh, tell dirty jokes, roll up your sleeves and get dirty, then pamper yourself, let yourself free and let yourself heal!

[withered_rose]

WC thank you so much for your perspective. It makes a lot of sense. Here on the east coast its possible to go camping in may. You are so right, I need to do things for myself, I need to talk to friends and family and tell them whats going on, I am not close with my boss but I need to let her know whats going on. I am just wondering if there is a way for me to relax while I am at work. I have done the primal screaming actually in the back room of my store one day when I just got too frustrated, it really helped me calm down. I guess you can say that I have horrible coping skills and I dont really know what to do to fix it. Thank you all so much for all of your help recently. There have been so many things going on in my life right now and I just need to let some of those things go. I am just so ready to be back to normal. I just need to be able to get there.