Virgin; avoiding sex, but does it hurt him?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think your wording is advanced for your age, ...

I think you talk about "friendship" read your last reply....

as a friend, and I'm usually good at understanding

people;

As such I am talking in riddles, cause I am stating you should "just be " friends but you, say the same in reality, are you confused?

As before that your talking sex, which suggests relationship...

CW

[88eyeballs]

I was under the impression that friendship and a sexual relationship could go hand in hand--I guess it is complicated by the psychological issues he has. I agree that maybe we would be better off as 'just friends,' though admittedly I enjoy the sexual treatment, except when the fact that I am not willing to give up my virginity causes him discomfort that is worsened by his psychological problems. I think this is partially due to the fact that I have never had a sexual relationship, and therefore from a purely selfish perspective, it's nice to have 'someone else' do the pleasing (so, a form of my own desperation); plus we are both very attracted to each other and care about each other very much. On the other hand, I've been able to keep my emotions and such to myself (as I usually do when confronting people--which is probably partially why I haven't been in any relationships till now also) and it was he who approached me about taking our friendship further into a relationship, and he who has been making most of the sexual advances also. So, as you say CW, it is definitely "his choice to be with you.. It is his choice to fool around with you.. It is his choice... " And, as you intuited, I suppose it is something he is trying to find within himself.

And now that I look back at this thread with a clearer head, you did answer my questions fully in your second post. I think I may have been looking for a way to "please everyone," so to speak, and I guess I will have to come to grips with the fact that there isn't a way. Ultimately I want what's best for him, and if being 'just friends' is better for him than what's happening now, then that's the way it should be. I'll try to have a talk with him then. It does seem to be logically the better choice for me, regarding my future.

Thanks so much for your patience and wisdom--I know I tend to get long winded and convoluted and confused, but I think I'm more clear about things now.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

The easiest way to ascertain what to do sometimes, doesn't necessarily comes from words from other people, rather words from yourself, once on paper and acknoweldged.

Perhaps from your answers to those people.

More importantly based on your last post, I think that you also need to take from this an experience of what a relationship "can" be and what you "did not have", in one, that being that "future" possibility that can not really be and therefore, perhaps you will be able to see whom can be a friend in your life and whom can enter as a possible relationship.

You are afterall only 19 and your not mean't to be worldly....

Good luck.

CW

[WildChild]

===

I'm happy to try anything that does not involve penetrating my vagina except oral and anal--I don't feel comfortable with either of those personally. Probably just teenage insecurity. To tell the truth, due to my inexperience I actually don't know any of the dozens of ways he can achieve orgasm without actual intercourse. There's probably an easy way to find out about it though--what might that be? I've considered manual and I may try that next time if I don't decide to take steps back.

Being a horny, sometimes crude, sometimes prim older woman, I had to chuckel at this. No vaginal, anal or oral sex but you'll try anything else? And you don't know any of the ways he could achieve orgasm without intercourse? Um, you need some education my dear! I'm not saying go out and do anything you aren't comfortable with but why not start with some books?? (this is me - lots of books).

I'd suggest my personal book of the months, The Orgasm Loop and then see what you can find on hand jobs? Just start getting familiar with the concepts and possiblities? I learning what will pleasure you?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

WC, is that how you read it?

I'm happy to try anything that does not involve penetrating my vagina except oral and anal--

Now I am laughing and confused, as I read "not involving vagina", but oral and anal is ok.

CW

[88eyeballs]

My mistake - I used the phrasing incorrectly; I meant I do NOT want to have vaginal, oral or anal sex--sorry for the confusion!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have had to cut him off a number of times so we don't go too far, and he has had to restrain himself as well.

Well then, WC is correct and that is certainly, certainly your choice.. But then I don't know, maybe we shoudl continue a bit, see if we can offer any other advise, what do you do then, you say you have had to cut him off, so you don't go too far?

Do you mean you only kiss?

And, again it's your choice and nothing wrong with what you choose but why do you feel that way ( forget this guy) just in general..

Why do you feel all sex is tabu, not just sexual intercourse?

CW

[WildChild]

Other than his having made a few comments it doesn't sound to me like he really wants to be a woman. It does sound like he is sexually frustrated and I wouldn't be surprised if he moved on soon.

I do find this thread confusing, you say you were, "under the impression that friendship and a sexual relationship could go hand in hand". Yet you don't have a sexual relationship, nor does it sound like you have any intension of having one. You say you enjoy the "sexual treatment " but have negated pretty much all sexual interaction. What are you doing that you consider, "sexual treatment"? It sounds like it must be some kissing and foundling, those can be a lot of fun and can get you to orgasm pretty easily. But what is reciprical in this "sexual treatment"? Are you doing anything for him?

He's respecting your boundries, has apparently expressed his frustration, how does this make him gender confused? I'm just not getting this at all. You are still young and certainly if you don't want sex you shouldn't be having it but it really sounds like he is attracted to you and trying to cope and perhaps not doing a very good job of communicating his frustration.

[silly]

Are you trying to say he is coming out of the closet? Considering a sex change? I'm confused. About virginity... does it matter? If you care about someone, and that person cares about you, it is perfectly normal to have sex. I'm sure you have other regrets in your life. But, obviously this guy is NOT the one you would like to loose your virginity too, and that is perfectly normal. You say you are basically a virgin because that is what you were taught.. Sweetie we don't live in the old days (no offense). If there is something you want to do, go do it... if it is what YOU want. If you someday find a guy that you would love to become intimate with, but are being held back by your parents wishes, I say go for it. You can't live your life avoiding things because you may regret them... if that is so, you will miss out on a lot in life.

[SinisterUrge]

Let me see if I have this right.

1. You want to stay a virgin
2. BF wants sex
3. BF claims to want to be a woman because his body "gets angry"
4. Is his not getting laid harmful?

1 and 2 are a given. As for #3, tell him to read a few books on hormones, brain chemistry and the science of love... he doesn't want to be a woman, he's just having trouble dealing with testosterone, adrenaline, norepinepherine, serotonin, and endorphins.

Will not having sex harm him? NO. His excuse is a very elaborate way of saying he has 'blue balls'. He'll feel better when he jacks off.