Doesn't love me anymore!

**lost&confused** · 04-14-2009 02:11 PM

I have been involved with the same guy since I was 15 years old (I'm now 21). We've always been very off and on and even dated other people. Well we both ended up at the same University out of state (3yrs ago). Since then we were still on and off but mostly on! We always break up but this time is different. About 3 months ago we stopped talking again and I wasn't there for him while he pledged a greek faternity. About 2 weeks ago I started contacting him again, but he was very distant even ignoring me but we've had sex within this time. He is always usually distant at first when we stop talking, so I didn't pay it any attention. As of yesterday we went to lunch and he dropped the bomb that I wasn't there for him when he needed me the most and that I didn't try to be there. Also he told me he was no longer in love with me. Now for the past 6 years I've always been there for him when he needed me, and because I wasn't there this one time he's done with me!!! Also he's talking to another girl and he said the only reason I care about him now is because he's talking to her, but I swear it isn't! He said she was there for him while he was pledging and I wasn't! What do I do!?

I keep trying to convince him he's just mad & I know thats pushing him away further, but I'm not ready to lose him. He won't respond to my messages, should I leave him alone?! I've never doubted his love, but this time I really think he's gone! Or is he?! What to do?!

**lost&confused** · 04-14-2009 02:12 PM

Oh and whenever I try to move on I always come back because I love him so much and no one else has ever loved me as much as him or keeps my interest

**sourpuss** · 04-14-2009 02:35 PM

If he loved you so much he wouldn't be constantly breaking up with you and not talking to you. It sounds like this relationship has really taken a toll on your self esteem. You don't need him to be complete. Find yourself and love who you are, you'll discover that there are much better men out there for you.

**lost&confused** · 04-14-2009 02:38 PM

Well its usually me who get fed up with arguing and leaves him alone! He told me the other day also he never takes a day off in our relationship and I always do. I feel so stupid and sad!!!

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-14-2009 04:06 PM

If someone tells you they don't want to be with you anymore you should believe them. The only case I would say different is when there has been some sort of acute trauma to the relationship that they may have said that just to get a reaction or because they were so very angry in that moment.

But if they are calm, cool and collected and there is nothing unusual that happened for them to say that in haste, you have to take them at their word. Not doing so is just allowing yourself to hurt more later, when you invest more time trying to regain a love that isn't coming back.

It hurts and its hard but I think in the pit of your stomach you will know if its something worth fighting for to regain... of course it takes both parties in the fight together though to make that even remotely possible.

**lost&confused** · 04-14-2009 04:21 PM

I'm not sure if he was just mad when he said it. Because he keeps throwing it in my face that I wasn't there for him. I think I'm just going to give him some space and call him on his birthday (May 11) and maybe he'll have time to think about everything and calm down some

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-14-2009 05:33 PM

Your relationship has been one of on and off... Dating others, getting back together, breaking up, arguements and in his opinion obviously the greek faternity was important. That was three months ago and then a couple of weeks ago you come back into the picture, but at this point there was another girl whom he has been seeing, was there at his faternity so that was 3 months ago.

However, also in this time, what past two weeks, you have been intimate but he has made his mind up obviously, from the time apart and his thoughts over the past two weeks, he has decided he is no longer in love with you.

A strong relationship, doesn't stop and start and stop and start at some point it stops, full stop and obviously this is his decision at this point in time, he doesn't feel the same way anymore.

Why did you leave it for 3 months? You have to consider if you were able to not be with him for this period of time, nor talk with hin in this period of time, then it didn't bother you that much, you didn't miss him as much as you thought perhaps you would.

If you did, 3 months would not have gone by before trying again don't you think?

You may just feel this way as you were "used" to him, 15 - 21, on and off.......

You may have to accept that this is what it is now... and move on....

CW

**lost&confused** · 04-14-2009 05:50 PM

I don't know why I didn't make contact. I thought about him from time to time, but I never called. Now I wish I would have! But maybe this is best for us to finally move on and live our lives to the fullest. I love him but I can't hold on to something thats not there anymore

**caterpillar79** · 04-28-2009 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by lost&confused

I don't know why I didn't make contact. I thought about him from time to time, but I never called. Now I wish I would have! But maybe this is best for us to finally move on and live our lives to the fullest. I love him but I can't hold on to something thats not there anymore

Move on, dear! Young love...isn't it sweet? But no matter how good memories are, they are memories, in the past. you may reminisce them with fondness but you have to live for what is NOW. You are right about your decision. You cannot hold on to something that isn't there anymore. Pamper and treat yourself well. You've learned your lesson and you have a journey ahead to enjoy. Take care.

**amaranthine** · 05-02-2009 08:21 PM

My ex boyfriend of almost four years was like this also. I finally got fed up and cut him off completely.
I realized I was no longer "in love" with him. I loved him, in the way you love a friend, in that you care about what happens to them, their happiness, etc., but I wasn't "in love" with him. The constant on-off just turned me off to him romantically. Perhaps this is how he feels also.

It's difficult to let go of someone you're so fond of and used to being with, but you need to realize the relationship is over, and this is a fresh, new slate for you. No more going back, not even a thought of going back, just new people and new experiences. I wish you luck, and don't be afraid to have fun!