Phone sex??

[caligirl71]

My husband was laid off in Jan, and took a job out of state, because the kids are in school, he will be there and the kids and I will stay put for now.
Being apart is very hard on any relationship, we have struggled together so being apart is hard, but maybe good for us too.

Im a very sexual person, consider myself in my prime, and my husband of 40 is not, he still enjoys sex but not as much as he used too. He gets to come home once a month. So I brought up having phone sex to keep that alive while we are apart. Still connect in that way!! We did do it once and I was very turned on, I think more turned on then when we are together somtimes..it took him forever because he felt very uncomfortable. I thought it was great and it was something we had never done before.

I brought it up again today, and he said that was a one time thing, and would not happen again. He didnt like it all and would pleasuring himself alone when and if he does!!!

Should I be upset about this, shouldnt what I want or need come into this equation??

I liked connecting, I liked that we were doing it together!!

I feel like he is being selfish and only thinking about himself..

I would appreciate any feedback

[WildChild]

If he isn't comfortable with that, how about doing some writing for him? Where and how would you like to be with him? Build a scene, the colors, the sounds, the scents, the feelings. How would you touch and be touched? Maybe he would find that more acceptable?

[kms]

Well I'd have to say that I personally don't really like talking on the phone in general, so phone sex is definitely something that would freak me out. Plus, since talking on the phone would obviously require a great deal of imagination, perhaps he's more visual and needs to see it in front of him? If that's the case, I wonder if you could try webcam. Just a thought!

[caligirl71]

thank you for your suggestions... I dont know what to do...

[Steph33]

I sometimes call home on my last break if able to talk in private. I can get pretty verbally blunt and "nasty" when I'm horny which is a major turn on for my BF. We usually end up on the floor inside the front door those days. I just make sure after I do it to NOT work late if asked at the end of the day regardless. That is cruel. Being generally dominate and aggressive I enjoy it, especially since he is generally submissive. He's tried but is not as good at it, it just comes out "I love you and need to go down on you soon as I get home." Not much in the way of imagination but it's the thought that counts.

[Texasred]

I feel like he is being selfish and only thinking about himself..

And maybe so are you?
Maybe he just doesn't like talking on the phone - I know I don't, though I *will* make the occasional exception for phone sex! - or maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable "talking dirty."

Or maybe he feels tired and lonely working a long way away from his family, and you're just adding to his stress.

[Goodgirl93]

I've done this.but I guess it was more of texts sex.I thought it was fun,and exciting.I turned out to have done that with the wrong person,but I don't understand why your husband would dislike it.

[caterpillar79]

You probably both have the "selfishness" issue, hence the non-compromise. But I agree with kms, maybe try to use a webcam. Just chat and see each other real time without the sexual issue. Just "being" there together at the moment might work for him. Try to facilitate him into wanting to do "it" later if you want, just be subtle, don't over emphasize as if it is the only thing you wanted.

[blondie80]

I think you guys need to work out a compramise so you both feel like your getting something, you need to tell him maybe with him being away you need to feel like you can connect with him somehow, that thats something you need to feel close to him. If phone sex isn't his thing then ask him what else you can do to feel close to him if he has any suggestions. Tell him its maybe not so much about the sex but about a connection.

[GlitterAndStuds]

I wouldn't say he is being selfish at all. It sounds like he's just uncomfortable with it... and a recurring theme on these boards is to not make someone/be made to do something they don't feel right in. Personally, I don't really see the point of phone sex so I'd probably be the same way, but to each their own. I'm not here to judge.

I agree that there are plenty of ways to compromise. The webcam idea sounds like the best way, that way you guys can actually see AND talk to each other instead of just talking on the phone. Seeing you in action will probably turn him on more, and having that almost face to face interaction might make him feel less weird about it.