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Reply With QuoteI think you should tell your wife about it, she will find out sooner or later - and it might be bad. Just be honest with her and tell her what's going on. Both of you will find a way to deal with that woman.
Need Woman's Perspective
Hello all! I have an issue that I would like to bring up and would like some ideas, thoughts on whatever you could offer. First upfront let me say I am a married guy with kids who has never gone off course if you know what I mean. The problem lies with my friends wife, I made the mistake of going out with them (him and his wife) where she was tipsy and was coming on to me very strong. I blew it off, thinking ok we all have moments where we have said things we shouldnt. Didnt think much more about it, until I start getting emails from her (I did not give her any contact info), asking me to come hang out with her and her friends (all female) in the email she was quick to point out that she is a "good girl". I email back saying im not comfortable hanging out with her, and that I cannot do this to my friend or my wife. This is been about 12 times in 6 months time frame. There is more to this story, and if more information is need let me know I can add detail if needed. But some questions I have, do you all think she is serious, just friendly or just yanking my chain ? Should I tell her husband ? Do you think its my friend testing me , to see if ill say something to him ? Thanks all I have no one I can talk to about with except other guys, and you know how us guys think
I think you should tell your wife about it, she will find out sooner or later - and it might be bad. Just be honest with her and tell her what's going on. Both of you will find a way to deal with that woman.
Yeah I think at least talk it over with your wife... she may have some insight or know something you don't. Plus she could also help you find out what's going on and decide what the best plan of action would be. You wouldn't want to keep this to yourself, letting it escalate to a point where someone (like your wife) finds out. It would be difficult to explain yourself at that point because it would sound like you're making excuses or trying to cover up something. Essentially, she might not believe you as readily after something has already happened than if she already knew what was going on previously.
Definitely talk it over with your wife, she will also be there to back you if this lady tells your friend it was you who was hitting on HER... or if it is a test from your friend, if he calls you on not telling him and thinks you were going to go head with it, you , again, will have your wife's support.
Affair is not what you want, obviously and even more so not with a friends wife as the entanglement would be disasterous. Telling your friend might not be the best idea, if he believes his wife over you (if she denies it) it could damage your friendship.
Your best bet is tell your wife, she may have more insight into the situation than we do and can guide you forward. She is the most important one, the one you don't want to hurt, don't let her be the last to know what you are going through.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
I would definitely tell your wife about it. As for telling your best friend, well that's a tricky question. Does this friend of yours have any inclination at all about his wife? Does this women have a history? Her e-mail is coming off as being innocent, but come on, everyone knows that one thing leads to the next. If you actually took her up on her invitation, she would go to the next step because you both would be guilty at the point for meeting her. If my boyfriend was doing that behind my back, I definitely would want my friends to tell me. You have the e-mails as evidence don't you? It's not like she could deny it. This girl is making a fool of your friend and he needs to dump her a$$ ! This girl isn't inviting you and your wife to go out and party with her and her husband, or inviting your wife out with her friends.....she is inviting YOU. What's that all about? I'm not getting the idea here that she is just "friendly" and nothing more.
How embarrassing for your friend. My sympathies go out to him.
Thanks
To answer some of the questions, My friend has made little comments here and there. An example would be "she wants you" not as obvious as that, but in a conversation that concludes to that. My instant reply to him is that I could not do that. Im not sure if he knows something, but keep in mind he was there when she was acting the way she was. I was also thinking maybe there in a alternative lifestyle that im unaware of, but I think my friend would tell me if that was the case, I have known him for 15 years and we are pretty open with each other.
Opps I missed question... Sorry I do not know much history on her. He does not say much of what goes on between him and her. I am the type if someone does not offer I dont ask too many questions. I have asked things like: Are things ok between you and XXXX ? He always yes oh yea going good. All before this she didnt talk to me much other than HI and BYE and occasional quick talk about the weather, I personally thought the woman didnt like me. I wish that was the case now...Originally Posted by Karma3
Saying anything to him (your freind) may be an iffy thing. If your wife is fairly tactful she may be able to nip this by have a gentle heart to heart with the woman. Not by hitting with accusations but perhaps with a very sympathetic approach. "I've seen the emails you've been sending my husband. It sounds like you need someone to talk to. Is everything OK? Do you need some help? I know of an excellent counselor...." Just a gentle way of showing her that you don't play games or keep things from you wife and that neither of you are reacting with anger or accusations but only with concern.
If that doesn't work, then you may have to be very blunt and tell her to knock it off. You have to be rude about it and it might be a good idea to make certain you aren't ever alone with her - just so there is no chance of having anything misunderstood.
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