What do I do?

[withered_rose]

Ok, so here is the thing. I am seriously depressed because I lost my job hen the economy is just getting too bad to find a job. I was fired for gross misconduct, apparently my cleaning skills were certainly not up to par. Things have more or less gone to since my grandmother died. I have started cutting again and it seems like the only way to make me feel better. I just dont know what to do. I am getting to the point of where I am just ready to call it quits and kill myself, just to get it over with. I have never felt this hopeless and I dont know what to do. someone help me please?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hey sweet.

You know it's across the board, this job thing, finances, and finding work.. It's so hard.

But, your tougher than that, you always have been.

Who have you spoken to about the grief of your Grandmother? That's obviously playing a big part in how your feeling, you were obviously very close.

Tell us about her love.....

There has to be some positives happening in your life, even when all chips are down and we feel so lost, all you can do is think of the positives so we can realise that there are some, so tell us what is good?

I am so sorry your feeling this way and thankful that you came here to talk to us...

Talk to us.

CW

[WildChild]

I'm sorry you lost your grandmother, you must have cared deeply for her. What do you think she would have encouraged you to do? She would not have wanted you to hurt yourself, I'm sure. Don't make a permanent solution to a temporary problem. THis will get better.

What kind of work were you doing? Was it janitorial? What other skills do you have? It may be time to try something different, something new? What do you enjoy doing?

[withered_rose]

Thank you ladies, It does mean a lot to hear from both of you. My grandmother was an amazing woman, she taught me how to cook and everything, she was always fun to be with. I miss her so much. When ever my mom would go through a manic phase I would go and spend time with her, it would be days or weeks at a time. I think really whats eating at me is that I never spent much time with her towards the end. I was working and there was school and then there was my fiance. It just seemed to take the back burner. As for work, I worked for starbucks for 2 and half years and then due to the death of my grandmother, my mother, and my car accident I was fired for Gross misconduct on my behalf. I still dont understand it. I have a couple of interviews next week so I am hoping that they will go well. Many places though are not hiring and it is making it very tough to find a job. I honestly dont know what to do. I go a letter from the unemployment office yesterday saying that I had been denied. Now what do I do. I also started cutting myself again and its making things difficult for my fiance, I just dont know what to do now. I have no other way to cope and it seems to be the most destructive for everyone around me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well, I know a yeck of a lot has gone on for you for the past two years, but let me say something firstly about your Grandmother.

We get older.. When little and young Adults, just turned a teenager, we are still right there, smiling with them, learning, loving, laughing, and as we get older priorities change, it doesn't however change the love we have for them.

Do you not realise that your grandmother was once you? A young teenager turning into a Woman, her first date, job, change in priorities? Off course she was... And, therefore, off course she knew and understood...

The one thing that she knew for sure all the way through was that you loved her, and that she had tought you things that otherwise, you would never have learnt and some of those things were survival, cooking... She left the earth knowing all of this and no way would she be happy with you cutting or any suicidal thoughts, she would be saying, " get a hold of yourself, I made you stronger than that"...

And, gross-misconduct? Well you had a lot going on as I said and so you probably didn't concentrate as much as what you could have, it was just a job, but to them it was naturally their business.

Obviously, their letter or termination states gross-misconduct, in Australia I think that we can still get un-employment but not for quite some time, as "firing" is not losing a job..

I would firstly speak to them and ask them why they fired you, you don't really seem to be able to see that, and then with the explanation think on it so you know for the future job... I would ask them also to consider if they would alternatively have a heart based on what you have gone through and change that to "redundant", and explain to them why you were that way, and that you didn't even realise, hense why you have approached them to ascertain why...

You have "two" un-knowns, there and as a result, there's no closure so you can't move on this is what is getting you down the most and then the prospect of no money what so ever because of that termination...

I hope you see that by doing this and realising the above, that they are no longer un-knowns and so you can proceed "next"..?

From there i would speak to the un-employment and express all the things that occured and ask them what they can do to assist in you obtaining employment and is the decline for employment benefits for a period of time, or all time, until you find employment and perhaps get laid off from that job one day, purely only by way of redundancy, they could not afford it.

Another words, you need to find the answers.

Your swimming with no paddle at the moment, no wonder you feel so down.

Remember as well your Fiance has always supported you and he will again but he's not the enemy so be there still for him as he is for you.

Smile, there are solutions here...

Smile, because your Grandmother knew you loved her...

And, smile because if you start these steps and come back and tell us what they said, then maybe we can find a way to jump the next hurdle.

And, lastly, know your not alone, thousands upon thousands are going through what you are going through.

Even me, Real Estate is beyond difficult... You sell but then the finance doesn't go through, that was your bread and butter, Mortgage payments and the likes, now it's gone, next? Next you get your butt out there and you keep going and you make it happen.

You find a solution to the 'now' and you only focus on the future (never the past)...

Get your spirit back young lady the one that says pfttt I can work through this...

CW

[withered_rose]

Well, there has been much going on in the last week or so. My fiance and noticed the cuts and was deeply upset. He was very heartfelt in letting me know that its not just me that gets hurt when I do this. It was a good communication. I have just gotten back from an interview with a hiring firm so that's good news for me. I am very excited to hear back from them and I am hoping that I will do well enough to be offered a job. I have more or less started to come to terms with my grandmother's death, I've started to talk about it a lot more than not talking about it at all which is what I was doing. As for talking to my previous employer I really don't want to go back up there it was hard enough facing her when I was fired. I really dont think that she understood because I had told her previously that I just was having a hard time with everything and that I wanted to step down and I didn't want to be a supervisor any more, and that I needed to go to therapy. She was ok with that at first and then it seemed like she didn't want to have that happen so she fired me.

[WildChild]

I so glad you are getting something positive lined up! Unemployment won't pay if you are fired for cause, that is a difficult situation. I hope you get good news on this! Keep applying every place you can until you do get something.

Getting over your grandma will take time, cherish the good memories and carry her love with you. Are you still planning to live with your parents to help care for your mother? You might want to talk to the local hospital or county services about a support group to give you people to share your experiences and frustrations with.

[withered_rose]

Mom is doing well now, she is going to therapy and talking about her issues with someone. I have a hard time opening up to someone that I barely know much let alone my parents or even my fiance who is soon to be my husband. We are living at home with my mom and dad now for finances. Its getting more and more difficult for us to afford everything on our own, and I am thankful that they are allowing us to live with them. Things have been going ok so far, aside from the cutting but I understand now that it doesn't just hurt me but it hurts everyone around me as well. So I am trying to fight it. I love him and I dont want to lose him. Thank you everyone for your support and I will continue to try and stay strong.