About to be a new teen mom with a horrible boyfriend.

[KarentGG]

Well im only 17 and im only 3 months pregent. But now im not to sure how i feel about it. At first i was super excited but my boyfriend told me to get an abortion. So last weekend i was going to, but i couldnt, i just dont have the heart to do that. I know its my baby, and i dont wanna harm it. But the good thing is that i have my whole familys support. but where my heart is going to is adoption. i know theres really good familys out there that will treat my baby just right. but everyone in my family wants me to keep it and they say that they are here for me no matter what. But in the other hand theres my boyfriend. Now hes saying he wants the baby and that he wants to marry me. But knowing him its just talk. In the past he was very abbusive, meantally and physically. And its just like if i keep the baby i wouldnt want him in the babys life. Cuz i know he would be a dead beat dad. And id rather have my kid not have a dad that to have false hopes on a dead beat dad. He says he loves me, but i just cant believe him anymore. Hes messed me up really bad to the point i didnt even care about myself. But ever since i found out i was pregent everythng else changed. I know its just not me anymore, its me and my baby. And i cant be with him if he doesnt change. And just today when we got in a fight over the phone, he told me if i broke up with him that i better be careful where i go. And its just stuff like that is what i dont need. I know better but im just so overwhelmed about everything.

[dr.mansview]

trust your gut on this one about marriage..he does not sound like marriage material to me..only you can decide if raising it or giving it up for adoption is right for you..it's great that friends and family say that they will be there for you, but ultimatley it is you who are home on a saturday night with a child and not out with your friends..not trying to persuade you either way but look at all the scenerios..17 is very young..putting it up for adoption does NOT mean you do not love your child..it means you are doing what is best for the baby..it's a tough decision..talk to a counsellor about these matters..they may inform you of scenerios you have never thot of..good luck..

[Jordan]

Wow hun i feel for you i do. Wheather you keep the baby or not the boyfriend needs to go, you do not deserve to be treated like that, no matter how hard it is to do it he needs to be out of the picture for your overall well being, there are plenty of boys out there who will love you the way you should be loved. Iv'e been there before and i was never happier until i was out of the abusive relationship. On the baby, i got pregnant with my son when i was 19 and i would never give him up for the world, i had been with my now husband for 3 years and he was excited about the baby but i was unsure, i asked myself if i would be able to take care of a baby and do everything that a parent does on a daily basis. I was done with the partying and drinkning and everyting by then so i decided to go ahead with it and i am very happy i did, i love him more than anything. It was very hard though, getting up 5 times every night, having no time to yourself, not to mention the constant crying. Like Dr,mansview said talking with a counselor would help alot, this is a big decision for you and you need to do whats best for you and the baby. Theres no same answer for everyone but i know you will make the right one after some long consideration and i wish you and your child the best of luck.....if you need to talk to someone my e-mail is cindycrokelive.com i'm around most of the time, i know sometimes it helps to just get things off your chest to someone who won't judge you.

[Hopeless Dork]

You know, sometimes life will throw something at you when you expect it the least, need it the most. It sounds like this pregnancy has giving you the objectivity to see what really matters... safety, stability, happiness at its very core. If this young man has brought you nothing but misery and false promises, a baby is not likely going to change any of that. You being able to see that, speaks volumes of your maturity. A loving home with a single, dedicated parent and supportive family is going to give that baby more of what it needs than a two-parent home with the dad hurting the mom, no child needs to see that.

If adoption is in your heart, do consider it, while your family is supportive (which is awesome) they should support you in either light. I think whatever you decide to do, keep this baby and leave behind the mean boyfriend, or give this baby to another loving family and persue your education and goals - either way you are on the right track to being a loving, considerate parent that is out for the best interest of your child. Best of luck and prayers to you.

I went through it alone, became stronger for it, wouldn't change it for the world.

[Iseulda]

I want to echo the other posters - It really sounds like this boyfriend needs to be out of your life. He's making threats to stop you breaking up with him, that says 'automatic break up required' to me.

I think you have been very brave so far, not going against your instincts when it came to the decision about the abortion. Keep that going - you have another 6 months to decide, there's no need to rush.

One thing you can do is get informed about both options - go and talk to some young mothers who have babies and are in their late teens, find out what you can about adoption - Go on some adoption support websites and talk to people who were adopted as babies, to prospective adoptive parents. Another thing that can help in decisions like this is to make a list - all the pros of keeping the baby, all the cons of keeping the baby and then all the pros of having the baby adopted, all the cons of having the baby adopted - both from your point of view and from the child's point view. That may help organise all your thoughts.

I'm so happy your family are supporting you - I hope they can support you through dumping this boyfriend, through the pregnancy and through whatever decision you make.

One final thing, and this may sound callous, but I'd strongly advise against putting this man's name on the child's birth cert. I know you know he is the father, but the authorities don't have to know that. I'm kind of uncomfortable saying that because it is a discriminatory practise against men and I hate discrimination, but by the sound of it you don't want this man to have a legal say in what happens to this child.

[amaranthine]

Being young myself (19), I've often thought about what I would do if this happened to me.
Personally, I would have an abortion before the end of the first trimester, any later than that, and I'd have to go through with it.
Just an FYI, if you did decide to get an abortion at this point, you wouldn't be "harming" it. Fetuses are incapable of feeling pain until the seventh month. It's not fair to place guilt on yourself there.
As far as keeping it goes, you are only seventeen. This baby could severely hinder your chances at the best possible future for yourself. Are you planning on attending college? Do you want to have a lifelong career, or just be a mom? I work with a lot of women in their mid-twenties who had children very young, and they're stuck at jobs like Head Cashier for department stores, or Supervisor, or other positions that allow them to make just enough to scrape by, but that's it. They have kids to put first, and were never allowed to try for a higher education because of that obligation.
You'll have to think long and hard before settling with that, not that it will definitely happen, but that it happens all to often. Maybe talk to your family and see what can be worked out if they want you to keep it so badly? I definitely would not let it decide your future for you, especially still being so young.

And as for the boyfriend, you answered your own question. Why are you still with him, anyway? He sounds like he'd not only make a bad father, but a bad husband... and a IS a bad boyfriend! He sounds like a very unhealthy person to be around... and definitely not the type of person you would want a child being raised around.

You have a lot of options. I wouldn't rule any out just yet, but either way, you have a lot of thinking to do.
Best of luck.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Your a very mature 17 year old.

You have already told your boyfriend and your family at 3 months.

If your thoughts were tending towards "no" you want the child and that hasn't changed, just hang about for a bit, you have 6 more months to decide.

Don't make rash decisions ever in life, think it through, time is on your side sweet.

I agree with the poster regarding "don't have his name as the father" on the papers, make life as easy for yourself as you can for the future, like 25, 30... when he/she is 13...

You know your family are there if you want to keep the baby, they will be there.. they already are.

Money is only money, happiness, is still "trees", money may not grow on them but love can, and hugging a tree, lol, well you can do that, it is supposed to make you feel grounded?

But, what do I know as my man says....


Talk to your family about your concerns, they are already there for you and can offer you also family and adult advice that may help you.

CW

[WildChild]

There are so many couples who want a healthy baby and can't have one. What a gift to them and to your baby to give them an opportunity to have a child they can love and raise. And a gift to the child to grow up knowing they had a birth mother who loved them enough to want to give them the best possible life experience and that they have loving parents who chose them.

You are fortunate to have a supportive family but you aren't ready to support yourself yet let alone another human being. GIve this gift and then give yourself education and effort to build a good life of positive choices.

[blondie80]

Hi Karen, listen to your heart, I had my first daughter at 17, yes a young mum as well I now have 3 children and im 29 years old, they are growing up great I have the full support of my family, though their father passed away a couple of years ago I wouldnt change it for the world.
Your boyfriend is meant to be there to support you cherish you and give you stability and security and if he isn't doing that regardless of anything else you should probably listen to your gut and get rid of him. It may also clear your mind a little and let you realise who you are what you are about again.
You have a while before you have to make any real decisions, talk with your family as well, because they are there to help and support you but are they going to try and take over as many mums and dads do because they know better and they have been there or are they there to purely help? These are things that you need to talk to them about, they must be amazing people to stand by and offer so much support and love to you.
This will probably be the hardest decision you ever have to make, you either give a couple a wonderful gift that they cant get themselves or you have the baby and keep it just remember either way there is alot of work. You should probably think about more school and things like that from my point of view I missed college I missed going out drinking with my friends and all the growing up stuff I was meant to be able to do, but I have a beautiful 11 year old daughter who is the absolute light of my life all my children are I wouldnt change that but at the same time work is so much harder to come by my second child hade chronic asthma so i couldnt work and yes i had a partner at the time, but to be honest he wasnt much help and didnt offer support I was young enough and naive enough to think that I could make all this work if i supported him, i was too young to realise that maybe I had just picked the wrong person. Believe me a difficult relationship is not easy when you are young and have a child yourself.