need only honest advise

[desperate for help]

hi all i have been on here a few times trying to figure things out as my relationship gets worse each day.your help has been great but just a couple of questions.the short version my sex life is horrible,my wife hardly speaks to me except when she wants to give me !!!!! about something,she has no patiance for the kids,hardly does house work anymore (used to keep a good house)then when i go to do it she gets mad at me.then the other day i notice she seems to be developing facial hair.now here is the really weird part saturday night i get home from work around 2 am and find a note on the table please wake me up.oh oh was my only thought.so i woke her up she gave me a hug got up went to the bathroom came back and raped me silly.(which was great)until sunday morning i got up went to the kitchen and just asked if she made coffee yet and she litterly blew a cork.so with all this i am assume that menopause is setting in.she is 42 and has had a partial hysterectomy about 7 years ago.i have been hoping she would sense something wrong and go to the doctor herself (i know typical male idea)but after 7 months of this i cant take it anymore,so finally my question is any suggestion on a good way to talk her into going to get checked out.i dont think the conversation will go well so any help on what not to say would be greatly appriciated.

thanks in advance will update again

[WildChild]

The develpment of facial hair is a pretty strong indicator that hormones are involved. The ideal thing would be for the two of you to sit down with a cuppa and have a peaceful chat. Tell her you love her and that lately she has seemed really variable in her moods. You want her to be healthy and for both of you to continue to have happy lives and a good relationship. Encourage her to get in for a complete check up and you do the same. Over 40 we all need to be more mindful of our health.

I have noticed that as I get older (over 50) my S meter has gotten more sensitive. But my primary menopause symptom has been horniness. LOL. I'm not hearing many complaints there. And that keeps me pretty emotionally balanced. Having had surgery she needs to watch those hormone levels very carefully.

[Iseulda]

I agree with WC - especially the bit about BOTH of you getting checked over - that's a brilliant idea. I mean, it's a good idea in and of itself, we should all keep up to date with our check ups and 500,000 mile services and what-knot But it also a great way of you saying this to her without sounding like you are having a go at her.

I know it is very difficult to gauge her moods, changeable as they are, but if you can try to catch her on an up to have this conversation you'd be doing both of you a big favour.

Try to be a little careful with your language - make sure you don't use too many 'you are X' and 'you should Y' type comments - she will feel attacked. We know you're not attacking her, but that's not the point, if she feels attacked I expect the conversation will end or, worse still, deteriorate pretty quickly. Try lots of neutral language - 'we need to...', 'wouldn't if be great if we...'. Try to use 'I'd like' instead of 'I want' and even 'wouldn't you like...?' instead of either. Stuff like 'I think X, what do you think?'. Make sure she can tell it is about her being happy - not about you. Because, let's face it, you are only going to get respite from your current situation by leaving it (which you don't want to do, from the sound of it) or by helping her be happy and comfortable.

She does, I believe, owe it to herself and you to recognise that there is a change going on and that it needs to be better managed than it is currently. The problem you face is getting her to see that and act on it while these hormonal mood swings are, at least in part, controlling her actions and reactions.

Best of luck with it - the prize is worth the fight