getting my mom to understand?

[ginger22]

well, I'm 17 and I've been with this guy for over a year. My parents get along well with him and even my grandparents love him, but lately my mom has been making me feel really bad about myself by saying things like ...

"You're going to let this guy ruin your life. I just know it" ... and ...

"You're the kind of girl his family wants him to have because they know you have a brighter future than he does."

Like she says these things and it makes me so angry! She thinks I'm going to not go to college or something because of my boyfriend. If I were to throw away everything I've worked so hard for because of a guy that would be stupid. See I already know this! College and stuff is going to be hard but I know that if we are meant to be together than we can get through it. I love how she thinks so highly of me (sarcasm) I can't believe my mom like is speculating that my future is going to be ruined because I have a boyfriend. I feel like she doesn't trust me and it makes things really difficult. Like anything dealing with me and my boyfriend. I'm always afraid of disappointing her and I think about how she will feel before I do ANYTHING. She doesn't understand that and it makes me upset. I don't know how to get her to understand and trust me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think alot Mums try to mould their daughters around what they couldn't achieve, do and therefore, think the "tough love" wording will work to get their daughter to do the opposite.

I don't think they realise that their little girl is no longer their little girl and may 1) rebel or 2) be hurt by such comments and start to dislike the situation and not want to be around so much, destroying a Mother and Daughter relationship.

I think you need to say "Mum, I am proud of the way you bought me up, therefore, the level of maturity I hold and the future I will have"... And, I'm older now, no longer your little daughter though off course i will be for years to come but it's time for us to be "friends" now, a different journey. I intend to go to College and succeed, nothing is going to stop me.. It's time to see me as an Adult and for us to become close as girlfriends as well as Mother and Daughter.

I think that would shock the shirt off her shoulders and let her see, her little girl has grown up and is sensible.

It's fear more than anything else, I doubt she means it hurtfully, rather her way of trying to make sure you stay on a good road.

CW

[ThexMrs]

Have you ever considered that maybe she is afraid for you because this possibly happened to her or something similiar? Maybe she fears that you are going to make a mistake that she made.

Also, if you've been together for a year then you started dating when you were 16 years old. Parents (even I) don't feel that relationships that start out at a young age will last because it's "puppy love." I'm not saying that it will not last. It very well could but you need to try and take yourself out of the picture and look at it from your mother's point of view.

It's not fair that she says these things to you. Maybe she's jealous. (This happened with my own mother and I) What is her relationship like with your father? Do you know the background on them?

My mother is an alcoholic and that is why the man I was seeing wouldn't come around. He didn't want to be around her because she was always drunk. I told my mother this and she lashed out at me. She told me that the REAL reason he wouldn't come around is because he is a:

1) A hole.
2) Just wants to have sex with me.
3) Doesn't care anything about me and is out for his own self.

It infuriated me when she would say these things and I actually started to believe her but once I talked things through with him he helped me see what I had already knew. It wasn't at all what she was saying.

Just try to open your eyes to what she sees and the reasoning behind it. Take yourself out of the picture (as hard as it might be) and look at it through her eyes. It doesn't mean she is right. Just try it.

[orkara]

I know how you feel. I've been dating my guy for 4 yrs and counting and my mom hates him. She is always saying hurtful things behind his back and my guy has done nothing but try to prove himself to her (e.g. He took a scholarship out of the country to impress her) but nothing he does seems to be working.

She also insults the way he looks. And says I am too good for him.

This morning she saw a pic of us together and commented that she thought that her nightmare would finally be over once he moved out of the country.

It really hurt me but I won't ever let it get to me.

I always tell her that he makes me happy, but I don't think it is getting through her head. lol.

Don't let it get to you.

In the end, it's not about your mom, it's about you... and if your happy, well....whatever mom get over it ~!